I fear this may be the last copy I ever file, following a chilling warning from the White House regarding stories I may or may not write next week, and which could have devastating consequences for the future of humanity. Earlier today, I ill-advisedly posted a rather tasty flame from "email@example.com", pre-objecting to …
sniff, Sniff, SNIIIFFFF
Hmm, thought I recognised the smell.
So you're off on holida^H hiding, going anywhere nice^H safe?
Re: sniff, Sniff, SNIIIFFFF
I was thinking of Pakistan. Oh, hold on...
Turn off all Internet and Phone service. You will be safe for years...
No, seriously, I did in fact groan upon discovering Obama's terrifying black chopper appearing out of nowhere. Fnar fnar.
"Obama's terrifying black chopper"
Started my weekend off with a smile.
So you're saying that...
Obama's black chopper started your weekend off with a smile, huh!!
Wait, I'm confused about this story
So the cops knew that Internal Affairs was setting them up?
What is this nonsense?
Your humour recognition has developed a fault.
It may be repairable.
So, you're going on holiday (Am. vacation) then?
Have a nice week
It's a fake
That's not a real note from any politician in the US, as demonstrated by the lack of the expression "American Values" (at least once per sentence, it's law).
and . . .
. . .there's also no ad-break or product placement.
I wonder what happend to our old mate 'Axis of Evil' is he playing in another band now?
Barack is a very smart lawyer, he'd have done it the lawyerly way (i.e., with a super-injunction).
Probably the CIA would implement it for him --- so you wouldn't even know there's an injunction, your keyboard would just refuse to type the statements concerned.
I know where the el Reg bunker is......
.... Washington, D.C.
They would never ever look there... too busy involving themselves everywhere else.
Re: I know where the El Reg bunker is......
Wrong! It's in Area 51!
Don't worry bout it...
Tell Barack to get back to work and stay in crowded places for a while.
...think you are making a wise choice.
Also, be warned that women and seamen don't mix.
"women and seamen don't mix"
You Sir are Lewis Page and I claim my £5.
Paris? please use your imagination ( or watch the film )
To my knowledge
this is from a Simpsons 'Tree House of Horror' episode where Monty burns plans a trip to 'Ape Island' and needs bait (to capture the giant ape), which leads to Marge joining the expedition. Smithers then says the aforementioned line.
did I just say all that?
Must be Friday!
"Disgorge a huge quantity of special ops seamen"!!!
I thought they only shot Him!
they got too excited when they teabagged him...
Happy friday to you too!
Can't be from the Yanks
If it was, the last two sentences would read:
We know where you live. And if we're wrong, we'll slaughter the innocent civilians living there anyway, and it will all be your fault.
It's generally hidden under careful wording, but...
Sometimes I wonder whether my government would sound like GLaDOS if only it spoke more concisely.
We have both said things which you will regret, but we can put our differences aside. For science. You monster.
I believe the correct phrase is: " Can I haz ur stuff?"
No no no...
That's incorrect lolspeak.
This -> "I can haz ur stuffs?"
You have to invert the subject and the verb in a query and generally make as many other spelling or grammatical mistakes as humanly possibly.
"huge weapon of US vengeance hovering over his head until it disgorges a huge quantity of special ops seamen." You owe me a new monitor, OK a wet wipe will do :-)
I'm already regretting typing this
"a huge [black] weapon of US vengeance hovering over his head until it disgorges a huge quantity of special ops seamen"
Beautiful. Just beautiful...
"a huge weapon of US vengeance ... disgorges a huge quantity of special ops seamen."
Obama's terrifying black chopper
New keyboard please!
Does this mean that you will be swearing off Merkin kit for a while, at least?
And, don't forget to pack your trusty camel. You know why they are called the ship of the desert, right? (A: they are full of Arab seaman).
wait for it ...
"huge weapon of US vengeance hovering over his head until it disgorges a huge quantity of special ops seamen"
That sounds like quite a mouth-full.
I know of a vacant flat next door to MI6 HQ. Nice views of the river. No one will think of looking for you there for quite some time.
> should Navy SEALs penetrate the defensive cordon
Just toss 'em a few fish. They'll soon stop trying to balance beach balls on their noses and waddle off to partake of your snack.
re: on pilchards
You've just given me the mental image of a bunch of seals rising out of a swamp and brandishing trench knives.
I had a great result at work today and this article topped it off!
Have a great weekend everyone, especially at Vulture Towers!
Almost a Pulitzer?
Take a month off with the family - you might never have to work again.
endless string of silliness
You do realise that you are taking silliness to an extreme, don't you, Lester?
But it's Friday so that is absolutely fine.
"Accordingly, I'm off to my own reinforced bunker complex until the dust settles. Readers concerned for my welfare should rest assured that I'm taking the missus with me to act as a human shield should Navy SEALs penetrate the defensive cordon and catch me with my pants down. Adios."
So... you're going to the loo? LOL
"Obama's terrifying black chopper"
The men who ride such a chopper have spunk, I'll say that much. I've heard that with stealth and cunning such a chopper can penetrate even the most heavily guarded inner circle. Just be careful it doesn't leave you weeping after unexpectedly breaching your back door one night...
Spinning Fabulous Yarns is a Real Round Table Art Phorm
Damn Yankee Spam, Lester. It is just some sad loser chancing their arm. Ignore and delete it, is what it deserves.
All the seamen jokes have been taken already
Now we know
They're not black...they're SILVER!
We're all going on a summer holiday?
He's going to find himself shadowed by a London bus.
Anyway, I've contracted with the Rain Island Army Union for a personal protection team. Though I'm beginning to with Sergeant Barber had lost his alpenhorn in transit. Led Zeppelin on an alpenhorn fitted with plenum-chamber burning can seem a tad noisy.
Watch the bartender!
Two shots and a splash of water and it's hello goodbye kitty... or goodbye Hello Kitty, yes that's it!
Nice one No. 6
You're not going anywhere I'm afraid.
Jack is Number 6
"Don't tell me I'm still on that Fecking island!"
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