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back to article Modern-day ninja in epic battle with riot police, robot

A man who was plainly an invincible ninja warrior or similar tangled with police in Maryland recently. The sword-wielding scofflaw successfully resisted ordinary meatbag cops, a police robot, gassing with a "chemical agent" and a volley of low-velocity cosh projectiles from a SWAT team before finally succumbing to the crippling …

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Pirate

You disappoint me

no pirates?

I'm cancelling my subscription forthright.

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Ru
Flame

That's no ninja

1) He didn't disappear in a puff of smoke

2) He was using a sword against people with guns

Sounds more like a boring old Samurai to me. Real ninja were quite keen on the whole 'common sense' thing.

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Thumb Up

samurais used guns

they just weren't considered the pinnacle of honour.

a proper ninja wouldn't *need* a gun, just the sword. or failing that, their sharp ninja senses could be used if no blade was to hand.

i agree he isn't a ninja because a ninja would have killed the swat team by deflecting their non-lethal projectiles back at them with lethal velocity using only ninja chi, crushing the cops' pathetic meat-encased skeletons, and subsequently disappeared in the confusion, covering their retreat with caltrops and a hail of shurikens.

doubtless had a real ninja be involved, either there would be no headline or it would read:

NINJA DECIMATES ENTIRE CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT

"he brought a sword to a gunfight, bemoans surviving multiple amputee"

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Title required

You have been watching those 1980's "C" grade ninja movies again, haven't you?

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Sword vs Copper

Especially true for an American copper, all of those donuts would render most swords insufficiently long to inflict the necessary perforation of important organs.... they would just get swallowed by layer upon layer of blubber. At this point the nija would have to launch a devasting but accurate kick to push the sword further in but would probably end up with their feet encased in the large quantity of lard.

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Clearly not a ninja

As the police were able to find him in the first place when he obviously did not want to be found, he also failed to escape using smoke bombs or some similar diversion.

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Playmobil or it never happened!

As above

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@Playmobil or it never happened!

Here's a jpg of the playmobile ninja:

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Happy?

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Joke

cunning ninjas

I looked up Ninja on dictionary.com the other day but got a 404 not found message. Clever ninjas, very clever.

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@Alex Wash

Oh dear me....you do realise you just raise a big red flag above your head?

Hope you sleep with one eye open, not that it will do you much good!

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PCP

evidently a big problem in some parts of the US

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New Rules

Ah so sword beats beanbag & gas but loses to electricity I always wondered.

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Silver badge

but

Does it beat Spock or Lizard?

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Anonymous Coward

One more wackjob off the streets

Ship him off to be Assange's cellmate.

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Coat

Eh. It's Edgewater

Lived down the road a bit from there... Nothing BUT whackjobs* to be found in Edgewater.

Well, that and Rednecks. But I repeat myself.

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Silver badge
Unhappy

Hmmmm...

"the obstreperous Beach, whose evident proficiency with a sword and ability to shrug off the effects of robots, gas and riot-gun projectiles could easily be ascribed to mastery of one or more exotic Oriental combat philosophy disciplines."

Is this what the kids call beer today???

Also in order to qualify for "intent to murder in the second degree" in the USA you don't really need to hit someone with a katana (No legless or armless police were reported), you just look like you are going too.

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Thumb Up

'Is this what the kids call beer today???'

Ah!

I see you've been to Edgewater!

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Thumb Down

I wonder

what was the original Court Order for?

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Guilty of...

If I've found the right info, speeding, 68 in a 55 zone.

http://xmcwa.ci.xenia.oh.us/pa/pa.urd/pamw2000*o_charge_sum?56182227|1|1

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Coat

The order was for...

...being a redneck in the first degree.

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Ninja skillz.. or something else?

'whose evident proficiency with a sword and ability to shrug off the effects of robots, gas and riot-gun projectiles could easily be ascribed to mastery of one or more exotic Oriental combat philosophy disciplines..'

Alternatively, perhaps he was as high as a kite on various illicit pharmaceuticals..

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Boffin

Or had bought something from Mr Hurtubise?

Perhaps he had bought some armour from Troy Hurtubise? But I would have thought that would contain enough metal to short a taser.

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Bronze badge
Pint

you mean...

he was an assassin?

Where's the hashish leaf logo when you need it?

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Coat

Don't know about...

all the rest, but this guy should be kept around for the war with the machines!

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Anonymous Coward

@Jacqui - Indeed.

That man tried to have sex with me!

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IT Angle

ARM'ed combat

I for one welcome our Ninja overlords.

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Pirate

their mistake

was sending in a robot to do a Terminator's job...

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Happy

hehe

I love the story and all the comments. Nice way to end the working day. Thanks ninja, thanks vulture, thanks swivel-chair warriors

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In Las Vegas...

...he would have been shot. Dead. in the first 5 minutes.

The inquest would have determined the 8 cops that fired 27 rounds into him were justified.

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Re: In Las Vegas...

Yes, but of course 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.'

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Anonymous Coward

In New York...

... the cops would have reloaded multiple times.

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oh come now...

Only 8 coppers, only 27 rounds.... thats the sort of response you get for 'hello', weilding a sword must more than treble those numbers

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Unhappy

He should thank his lucky stars...

... that he doesn't live in Los Angeles. He's likely to have been killed immediately, and if that failed and he retired to his house the PD would have brought in their remote control loader and smashed his house to pieces around him to get to him ("and kill him").

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Coat

Evidently....

...He forgot his tinfoil garment.

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Go west

He was obviously on the wrong side of the US for this kind of behavior:

http://www.theonion.com/video/ninja-parade-slips-through-town-unnoticed-once-aga,14181/

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FAIL

Meanwhile...

...brave police in British Columbia use a taser to fell an 11-year-old child.

To be fair, said child may have stabbed someone. But still...

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Bronze badge
Boffin

I wonder.....

...how a chain mail shirt would do against a taser? And could you create a feedback loop to send the charge back to the holder? hmmmmmmmm....

...why do they send a robot in to see if it doesn't have circular saws all over it so you can't mess with it? Robots are easy without some kind of self defense, just the application of a large enough hammer. Second thought: use a wireless jammer - thing just stops or they lose control of it - how interesting....

... pepper spray is what they use and believe it or not, you can get used to it. They don't use mace anymore due to possible permanent blinding and scarring from a liberal application.

... why a 12ga.shotgun beanbag round? They are notoriously hard to place a shot where it's most effective because their ballistic path cannot be predicted after 20 yards. Knee-knockers are hella more effective - six 40mm hardwood plugs in a gas gun that HURT and bounce all over a room striking everything at least once. Beanbags yes, knee-knockers no - I give up/take me in if I see/hear of a gas gun loaded with those things lol.

Good one though, I've been purposely avoiding what passes for the news lately - too damn depressing and then... from out of the blue....

NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

god love Monty Python.... world's gone bloody crazy when they make more sense than wtf is going on nowadays.

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Anonymous Coward

Sounds like Vegas has it right

No point in wasting time on braindead fools, just take them out and move on to the next waste of humanity.

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M7S
Bronze badge

Where is this person....

....on the Chuck Norris Scale?

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Happy

Only two hours later...

...police managed to bust into bathroom...

Sorry, but this sounds very much like an ancient Czech joke about the Wehrmacht reports from Battle of Stalingrad.

"Monday: We took the hall.

Tuesday: After artillery barrage we took control of the kitchen.

Wednesday: With severe losses we stormed the living room.

Thursday: We invaded pantry, but were stopped by minefield.

At this rate we are down the toilet by end of the week..."

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Anonymous Coward

Man wins an award

for starting in a small hole and digging himself a very deep one. It's not stated what the original court order was for, but if it was as serious as an arrest warrant the article would have said so.

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