After that headline...
How do you top that headline?
Retire now, or face a future of endless frustration of never being able to top this.
Brazilian fingers wife in venomous vagina murder plot
A Brazilian man has claimed his wife attempted to kill him by putting poison into her vagina and inviting him to drink from the furry cup. The unnamed husband, from São José do Rio Preto, in the state of São Paulo, told cops he and his missus had an argument. She then allegedly doused her privates with a "toxic substance" before …
This topic is closed for new posts.
Genius last sentence
Given the "unusual" nature of the case, officer Walter Colacino Júnior, of Rio Preto's 4th Police District, has decided to probe deeper into the matter before taking any action. ®
That is all!
Waiting
I'm waiting for the obituary of officer Walter Colacino Jr. as a result of his probing.
Mine's the one with asbestos condoms in the pocket.
and he gets PAID to write it
Which makes working for the Reg arguably one of the best jobs ever.
A close shave
Surely whatever poison was being used was just as dangerous going up as it would be going down?
smells fishy?
" he smelt something fishy before diving in" MUAHAHAHAHA
Better yet: "has decided to probe deeper into the matter before taking any action. ®"
Please stop, before I wet myself laughing
Hairy story. Sorry, I mean eerie.
If Brazilian beavers are venomous, does that mean that Venezuelan beaver milk is not suitable for the manufacture of any dairy products?
Raises a few doubts
My favorite bedtime reading, Forensic pathology textbook, mentions a case when a woman put a cynide in her boyfriend´s coffee. When he did not drink, she took a mouthful herself, french kissed him and squirted the spiked coffee into his mouth.
She died, he survived.
So, unless the lady in today´s story used some really sophisticated poison, that does not kill females, this is only a story about paranoia/superstitiousness.
But I guess that was the point. True Friday´s story!
Wasn't that a line from _Liquid Sky_ ...
... "I kill with my cunt"?
Curious about what sort of "toxic substance" would be deadly if ingested but has no (or minimal "acceptable risk") impacts when used suppositorily -- any medics or toxicologists out there?
Wrong hole
"Curious about what sort of "toxic substance" would be deadly if ingested but has no (or minimal "acceptable risk") impacts when used suppositorily -- any medics or toxicologists out there?"
Suppositories go up the back passage.
It's pessaries that go in the front!
Due process
If she is tried and convicted I expect to read that she has been awarded a very stiff penalty.
As much as I hate to spoil...
...a good alliteration, venom is a stew of proteins produced by snakes, spiders, lizards, etc. Moreover, unless there is a direct pathway to the bloodstream, like an abscessed tooth or a stomach ulcer, ingesting venom is harmless.
Poison, in contrast, is a toxic chemical compound. Thus, it is far more likely that the toxic substance was a poison. In fact, that is what the article states.
Before people label me a killjoy for debunking "venomous vagina," please let me prove that I have both a sense of humor and an appreciation for literary embellishment:
"Brazilian fingers wife in poisonous pussy murder plot"
Please note that it is both accurate and more alliterative than the original headline.
Martin
P. S. It would be in extremely poor taste for anyone to accuse me of letting the cat out of the bag!
This seems oddly appropriate..
Vagina Dentata... What a wonderful phrase!
Vagina Dentata... Ain't no passin' craze!
It means no weiner... for the rest of your days!
It's a penis free... girl cavity!
Vagina Dentata!
Vagina Dentata!
(from the webcomic Queen of Wands by Aerie)
LOL!
Keep this up and you'll bankrupt yourself replacing commentards' keyboards!
This topic is closed for new posts.
Popular Whitepapers
- The BI Inflexion Point
Information is a right, not a privilege - VPN security - if you want it, come and get it
Attention WiFi hotspotters: You want it - The Register Guide to iSCSI
A primer on Internet SCSI, a protocol to transport SCSI commands over IP - Secure Mobile Working
Beyond the Technology - The Impact of IT Security Attitudes
Putting the pieces in place for effective security delivery - The Register guide to unified communications
A primer on the implications of unified communications for enterprise IT
