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back to article Brazilian fingers wife in venomous vagina murder plot

A Brazilian man has claimed his wife attempted to kill him by putting poison into her vagina and inviting him to drink from the furry cup. The unnamed husband, from São José do Rio Preto, in the state of São Paulo, told cops he and his missus had an argument. She then allegedly doused her privates with a "toxic substance" before …

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Mat
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Genius last sentence

Given the "unusual" nature of the case, officer Walter Colacino Júnior, of Rio Preto's 4th Police District, has decided to probe deeper into the matter before taking any action. ®

That is all!

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Waiting

I'm waiting for the obituary of officer Walter Colacino Jr. as a result of his probing.

Mine's the one with asbestos condoms in the pocket.

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Anonymous Coward

and he gets PAID to write it

Which makes working for the Reg arguably one of the best jobs ever.

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Joke

A close shave

Surely whatever poison was being used was just as dangerous going up as it would be going down?

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Coat

Penis Fly Trap?

coat

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After that headline...

How do you top that headline?

Retire now, or face a future of endless frustration of never being able to top this.

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Badgers

smells fishy?

" he smelt something fishy before diving in" MUAHAHAHAHA

Better yet: "has decided to probe deeper into the matter before taking any action. ®"

Please stop, before I wet myself laughing

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Anonymous Coward

Hairy story. Sorry, I mean eerie.

If Brazilian beavers are venomous, does that mean that Venezuelan beaver milk is not suitable for the manufacture of any dairy products?

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Paris Hilton

Puntastic punani

Pun overload! :D

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Pint

Haha... Pun-ani

That is all.

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Heart

Proposal

Marry me, Lester.

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Happy

Raises a few doubts

My favorite bedtime reading, Forensic pathology textbook, mentions a case when a woman put a cynide in her boyfriend´s coffee. When he did not drink, she took a mouthful herself, french kissed him and squirted the spiked coffee into his mouth.

She died, he survived.

So, unless the lady in today´s story used some really sophisticated poison, that does not kill females, this is only a story about paranoia/superstitiousness.

But I guess that was the point. True Friday´s story!

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Coat

She muffed that one up

coat

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TRT
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Coat

Well it seems...

like he fingered her good and proper.

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Wasn't that a line from _Liquid Sky_ ...

... "I kill with my cunt"?

Curious about what sort of "toxic substance" would be deadly if ingested but has no (or minimal "acceptable risk") impacts when used suppositorily -- any medics or toxicologists out there?

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Anonymous Coward

Wrong hole

"Curious about what sort of "toxic substance" would be deadly if ingested but has no (or minimal "acceptable risk") impacts when used suppositorily -- any medics or toxicologists out there?"

Suppositories go up the back passage.

It's pessaries that go in the front!

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Go

Due process

If she is tried and convicted I expect to read that she has been awarded a very stiff penalty.

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Coat

As much as I hate to spoil...

...a good alliteration, venom is a stew of proteins produced by snakes, spiders, lizards, etc. Moreover, unless there is a direct pathway to the bloodstream, like an abscessed tooth or a stomach ulcer, ingesting venom is harmless.

Poison, in contrast, is a toxic chemical compound. Thus, it is far more likely that the toxic substance was a poison. In fact, that is what the article states.

Before people label me a killjoy for debunking "venomous vagina," please let me prove that I have both a sense of humor and an appreciation for literary embellishment:

"Brazilian fingers wife in poisonous pussy murder plot"

Please note that it is both accurate and more alliterative than the original headline.

Martin

P. S. It would be in extremely poor taste for anyone to accuse me of letting the cat out of the bag!

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Anonymous Coward

This seems oddly appropriate..

Vagina Dentata... What a wonderful phrase!

Vagina Dentata... Ain't no passin' craze!

It means no weiner... for the rest of your days!

It's a penis free... girl cavity!

Vagina Dentata!

Vagina Dentata!

(from the webcomic Queen of Wands by Aerie)

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Coffee/keyboard

LOL!

Keep this up and you'll bankrupt yourself replacing commentards' keyboards!

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Happy

Surely...

...a cunning plan.

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