back to article Supercomputer simulates neutron star-black hole SMACKDOWN

A German supercomputer will simulate what happens when neutron stars collide with black holes. The Datura supercomputer at the Max Planck Institute for Gravitational Physics in Potsdam, Germany, will be used by the Numerical Relativity Group at the Albert Einstein Institute there. They will search for the gravitational waves …

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Funding Proposal

Smashing Stars

Abstract:

Since my previous proposal to generate an artifical blackhole and neutron star in the parking lot of our laboratory was rejected due to lack of ethical approval and nonspecific safetly concerns, I am now proposing to write a computer simulation in which we can bash various celestial objects into one another to see what happens.

The main research outcomes of this proposal will be:

1. preventing me from further endangering humanity with my real world mad science aspirations

2. creating lots of pretty graphics which will increase public engagement in physics and can be sold for use in Avatar 2

3. evidence to support an action plan for our planet should such a celestial collision occur nearby ( e.g. pray, become extinct, develop teleportation etc)

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Wonder why they decelerate

If I was a black hole that wanted to ram into something, I'd floor it.

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Silver badge

Aim carefully

In a precise head-on collision, a black hole and neutron star would accelerate as they approached. If you do not aim your neutron star exactly, it will swing round the black hole and enter an elliptical orbit. If there is some loss of energy during the orbit, like emission of gravitational waves, then the neutron star will decelerate and get closer to the black hole until it gets torn apart by the tide.

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Boffin

Bollocks!

My bets are on the neutron star winning this one, they are really tough.

Round one. Ding Ding.

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FAIL

Germans take science seriously

From the NEC press release "...Mrs. Prof. Dr. Sabine Kunst, the Minister of Science of the State of Brandenburg...". So, it sounds like the local state has a someone in charge of science who has a clue what science is about.

Compare and contrast. We have David Willets Minister of Science, who has a degree in PPE. Thus, my granny knows more about science than he does.

Ever wonder why Britain is going down the tubes?

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Perhaps

http://www.mwfk.brandenburg.de/cms/detail.php?id=bb1.c.200803.de

PhDs in water pipes and politics by the looks of if, still it probably trumps Willets.

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Silver badge

For their next trick ...

Can they find out what happened to all the money that was sucked into the bankers' black hole?

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Coat

Easy...

Most of it probably went on expensive German cars...

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Silver badge

Nope.

Need to wait for quantum computers for that one.

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