If you're going to do something, do it properly. A fine creed, and just as applicable to playing the pink oboe as any other worthwhile hobby. Designed not only to tell you how well you are doing it and what effect it’s having, but also to encourage the development of your technique and make it a more pleasurable experience, this …
Safe to assume...
...this is for iPhonanists only?
Happy you-know-what, guys. Top banana.
Article says it's an Onandroid (f)app
I beta tested the iPhone version, but I couldn't 'complete the game' with it. Apparently I was holding it wrong.
This is the April Fools one, right?
I thought they did that weeks ago
You know, the one with the Duke Nukem release.
Happy April Fool's (Fri)day.
Great work guys.
A bit obvious?
Please tell me this is an April Fool...
I'm not sure whether I should envy or pity the beta testers. :)
Best velcroed waterproof pouch on market
= Profit !
This is exactly the sort of hands-on approach needed to finally settle that age-old question; just which nation is full of wankers ? Is there an iPhone version coming (as I would expect that the number of wankers would soar if so...) ?
Like the idea of the "encouraging" sounds.. but surely a picture would be more appropriate? You could have two, even - one of Halle Berry playing tennis perhaps for those racing towards the quick shufty, and another of Anne Widdecombe's ankle for those looking to extend their stamina... ?
Good to see it's free though, I wouldn't pay for such an app what with being so tight-fisted...
The cynic in me says its April Fools Day
The realist says this is all too possible when you concider people bought fart aps.....
Anyway why not just use a pedometer like the rest of the world.......
"Anyway why not just use a pedometer like the rest of the world......."
Paedo??? Paedo?????? Where's my Daily Mail?!?!? There's laws against that sort of thing young man. People like you make me sick so I'm told....
For a minute there...
I was going to congratulate you on the work that went into your April fool joke, but unless you've gone to the trouble of registering an app on the market *and* somehow getting backdated comments on it, the app is real! lmao!
I'm still not brave enough to download it though!
Reverse April Fool
I bet el reg has been <aholding on to this" story so that they can let it go on April 1st to provoke a flood of "Nice April Fools joke guys!" comments from the commentard brigade.
Worked a treat too going by my brief scan of the comments section.
Nicely played El Reg!
Best subheading this week
Onan the Barbarian :)
It should be an iPhone app. I always thought iFans were a load of w@nkers
1st April comes so soon
This is the 1st April so I'll let you off. After all "It's all in the WORST possible taste."
As Peter Griffin once said
lol happy friday
Wot no FaceTime integration?
April fool or not
This made me chuckle!
Talka bout missing a trick
This should have been out on iOS first....
Sent from my iPhone
Damn, thought I'd got rid of that autosig.........
Excellent April Fool, BTW
The best kind - quite believable, given the kinds of apps that really do exist...
Much better than some of the others I've seen this morning.
....there's a FAP for that.
...was premature withdrawal, not masturbation...
Though maybe they were talking about his great uncle, Onan the Barbarian.
so he didn't use his hand
but the end result was the same now, wasn't it!
Thumbs up because that's the closest to a hand i could find.
great for politicians
Network wank: recommended by Cameron, Sarkozy, Belosconi and Obama. Target you jiz over Libyia.
It should have been released on the iPhone, the potential market there is massive.
And there will be lots.
Inside this is a pretty clever bit of signal processing reading the accelerometers.
Got to know that with DSP you can make love (at least to yourself) and not war.
A really useful app......
"Pass the mansize dearest"
Well-crafted poisson article.
At first I misread "Need an ambiance to help you?" as "Need an ambulance to help you?". Unfortunately that may be true for some users.
Don't worry; this app will come pre-installed on the iPhone 5. Get your orders placed now!
Indeed... I heard the iPhone5 will even have a 2cm diameter hole in the middle for improved hands free operation!
It's 1 April
The Title is Required...
Cos' we all know Android users are a load of Wan...
Surely that's a duck, not a penguin?
I've already got a w***ometre...
...it's called a lazy boyfriend!
Mines the one with the encrusted stains.
Note to self:
Don't buy a used Android phone.
This must prove what many iFans think
- Android phones buyers are Wankers
I'm quite happy to live in a world
where there's an application sporting a "Start Wank" button.
If so it's quite elaborate as there are comments on https://market.android.com/details?id=me.mga.parquimetro from a few days ago
When the market tires of apps that make farting noises, this is the next thing to try.
It also perfectly suits the average iPhone fanboy too!
"playing the pink oboe"
Wrong euphemism I believe.
When playing the oboe you don't just have to put your hands on it, you also have to put one end in your mouth.
Which is sort of the point.
+1 for the fact that it's aimed at wankers and yet not being for the iPhone being a bit of a giveaway here....
Wouldn't pass the iCops anyway
App-store rules are that such programs must only use sound-bites from Steve's product launch speaches.
paris plays teh oboe
And the flute, too. Gets good results out of them both from what i read.
Ni9ce reference in the subhead...
The Beat, indeed.
I have to assume that this is either the......
...........release candidate or the relief candidate?
Missing sales opportunity
Believability reduced by absence of accessory business model. Where is the special glove to hold your phone to maximize the sensitivity of the accelerometer?
- Asteroids as powerful as NUCLEAR BOMBS strike Earth TWICE YEARLY
- Got Windows 8.1 Update yet? Get ready for YET ANOTHER ONE – rumor
- Apple stuns world with rare SEVEN-way split: What does that mean?
- Patch iOS, OS X now: PDFs, JPEGs, URLs, web pages can pwn your kit
- Sony Xperia Z2: 4K vid, great audio, waterproof ... Oh, and you can make a phone call