back to article Spurned nonagenarian lets rip with semi-automatic

A 92-year-old Florida woman refused a kiss by her 53-year-old neighbour responded by pumping four rounds from a semi-automatic pistol into his house. Marion County Sheriff's department mugshot of Helen Staudinger Helen Staudinger (pictured) of Fort McCoy took a bit of a shine to Dwight Bettner after he moved into a rented pad …

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Thumb Up

You go girl!

That is all.

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Grenade

What's that?

The Charlie Sheen School of Expressing Love?

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Flashbacks from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, anyone?

"Now, how about a kiss for your old Granny?"

Bogus...

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Stop

n/a

Not even a GMILF

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nc66EzWzM0o

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Welcome

Hell's Grannies!

Voice Over: This is a frightened city. Over these houses, over these streets hangs a pall of fear. Fear of a new kind of violence which is terrorizing the city. Yes, gangs of old ladies attacking defenceless fit young men.

(Film of old ladies beating up two young men; then several grannies walking aggressively along street, pushing passers-by aside.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CStfT8gCrjM

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Silver badge
Pint

Get orf my Manor!

Hell's Grannies (and much of the early Pythion stuff ) was shot local to me.

The pub with the 'nudge, nudge' sketch was one of the best music venues in London and was closed by the greedybastard 'brewing' company.

After a few drinks it was also common to find us climbing the gutter, barely hanging on to cracks in the pavement.

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WTF?

Eh?

"Bettner concluded that he'd probably move house"

Or he could stay put on the assumption she is likely to pop her cloggs in prison.

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It's...

Nanageddon!!!!

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Bronze badge

Don't you mean Nonageddon

no need to be sexist.

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Anonymous Coward

or...

The Codgenator

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Thumb Up

Nanageddon

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=nanageddon+the+mighty+boosh&aq=3

Very funny - the Shaman's council deserve their own series

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Silver badge

Cosmo The Fairly Accurate Knifethrower's Mum?

"A 92-year-old Florida woman refused a kiss by her 53-year-old neighbour responded by pumping four rounds from a semi-automatic pistol into his house."

'He aimed for her sister and missed'

http://www.last.fm/music/Les+Barker/_/Cosmo,+The+Fairly+Accurate+Knife-Thrower

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Grenade

I'll be back....

...after I have finished my knitting

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Megaphone

Florida, eh?

Go figure.

I'm no longer surprised by any of the crazy shit that happens in that state.

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noo....

She's got a moustache........

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Coat

When she finally pops her clogs...

...with the hunted become the haunted?

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Hmm..

Maybe if she had some Botox..?

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Black Helicopters

Another great example...

... of the wisdom of America's gun laws. You go and bear arms, Gran, and we'll see you in that well regulated militia necessary to the security of a free State. Yeeehah.

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Troll

Tis true

Keeps people from thinking outside the box.

A gift of a poisoned baked good would've been much more effective - and harder to trace!

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Pirate

Care for a slice...

...of pump-action pie?

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Go

OMG!

So. Ok...

Using this precedent, The next time some crazy old fart comes up to me and slobbers "gis a kiss" (mental image No.1 - False Teeth, Drool and more wrinkles than a pack of sharpay's). I can then use the premise, to pull my Iron out and cap that bitches ass :D

America, land of the free (ly insaine), home of the brave (fools that choose to live there). Remind me never to move to the US!

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Coat

She's been playing too much computer games

Specifically, Gran Theft Auto...

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This post has been deleted by its author

Pint

Hah. Amateur

She could have gotten off scot free if she had just chosen a different murder weapon. Like her car.

The usual way for the elderly employed as assassins to perform their jobs is to "forget" what the difference is between the accelerator and the brake, and plow into the person who has the hit taken out on him.

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IT Angle

Wait - a new Mitsubishi 3000GT?

I've got to hand it to the bloke in the story, he has good taste in cars fit for young men less than half his age, half a decade ago, with a taste for performance and not a whole heaping load of cash, but... The Mitsubishi 3000GT (also sold as the Mitsubishi GTO and the Dodge Stealth,) was last produced in the year 2001.

So either that particular vehicle is equipped with such devices as a Mr. Fusion and a Flux Capacitor, he bought a car which had been sitting in a climate-controlled garage for a full decade, he recently purchased a used car and hence it was only new to his ownership, or the person who penned the article added the word "new" to it as if it's somehow less heinous to shoot up a person's old jalopy than to shoot up a brand-new car which is likely still under warranty.

Also, I'm not sure I see an IT angle - did one of the spurned woman's bullets bust up his computer, or perhaps she shot out the engine controller on his "new" Mitsubishi?

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Anonymous Coward

IT angle

There's no need for a fucking IT angle. Anyhow, here you go: "while he was on the phone" stupid!

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Follow through

'She "didn't follow through" on that occasion...'

Perhaps not, but I'll bet he did when the first round came through the window.

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Are "Gramma's little helpers" small, blue, and diamond-shaped?

The grandkids swapped out her calcium supplements for viagra, didn't they. It always starts as a joke ....

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