Feeds

back to article Out of shape? Not had sex for years? Watch out

Bad news today for idle crisp-scoffing lardos who seldom get much attention from the opposite/desired sex: when you finally do achieve some boudoir action, there is a measurable chance that the excitement will kill you. The news comes in a new study-of-studies conducted by docs in America, investigating the causes of heart …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.

Page:

Silver badge

Linux Geeks - watch out?

I was thinking there may be impressive statistics of the number of Linux geeks dying in this way. Then realised that they don't fulfill the final requirement. Getting lucky. Should be OK on the other stuff though.

(Ubuntu user - I'm going to Dieeeeee)

4
6
Silver badge
Gates Halo

Dual boot

Install windows on your machines too, statistically it will make you live longer and you will get more sex!

0
0

hmm.

it's a weirdly inaccurate stereotype, really. A significant number of hackers that I know are obsessive about some form of exercise or other; running and cycling are pretty popular choices. If you go to any random F/OSS-related conference you'd probably find that overall attendees are in average or better physical shape, I think. Sure, there's a few couch-dwellers, but then there's a few couch-dwellers in just about any given group.

2
0
Joke

@AdamWill

Last time i looked around my tri-athletes anonymous group didn't notice any couch potatoes!

I may have to look harder ;)

0
0
Gates Horns

Lies, damned lies, and statistics

"Install windows on your machines too, statistically it will make you live longer and you will get more sex!"

Well, you'll need to live longer because of all of those long reboots, but getting screwed more isn't the same as getting more sex.

0
0
(Written by Reg staff)

Re: @AdamWill

"I'm super-fit and awesomely over-muscled but I'd never brag about it on the internet."

0
1
Happy

New keyboard please

K, thx.

0
0
Silver badge
Pint

Statistically, you'd probably be wrong...

This famous image: http://www.globalnerdy.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/linux_symposium_t-shirt_sizes.jpg

1
0
Thumb Up

On the other hand...

"Likewise those having had a lengthy stay on the bench sex-wise should probably not kick off with a huge Italian prime minister style orgy."

...if cardiac arrest is in your future anyway, this is probably the ideal way to trigger it.

3
0

but only..

if you've actually made it to the end of the short-strokes... otherwise it's just unfair

0
0
Boffin

The benefits of exercise for blokes...

- Feel better.

- Look better.

- Feel 'better women*'.

(* - or men, if you prefer)

;)

4
0

Oh do go away you silly little box.

"Particularly for those of a certain age having abstained from exercise or jig-jig for some time, the advice is to ease back into it gradually"

Starting off solo perhaps?

Onanists to a man.

2
0
Coat

Things are getting out of hand...

"Starting off solo perhaps?"

Or you could get a friend to lend a helping hand...

I'll stop there.

1
0

errrr....

At least the advice wasn't "Start small"...

*cringe*

5
0
Bronze badge
Coat

Or.....

.....smear Marmite on your bits and invite next door's Alsati...not that I...I'll get me...you know....

3
0
Happy

narnite?

Well, at least it wasn't thermite.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

If you didn't have performance anxiety already

This sort of report isn't going to make you feel any better.

I'm off for a short stroll - round the supermarket avoiding the ready-meals and cake sections

1
0
Happy

I'd be more concerned

About shooting my muck too early with the excitement of getting a shag.

Besides, apart from dying peacefully in your sleep, isn't this the next best way to pop your clogs?

4
0
Anonymous Coward

no...

No, the sex version is the best way, not dying in your sleep.... boring. I personally rate a plane crash as a better way. Pancake into the ground from a parachute failure whilst skydiving. Better.

You want something that doesn't hurt, and isn't uncomfortable but is AWESOME.

1
0
Anonymous Coward

Sex should always be treated the same way as exercise

Warm up gently, work in periods of ten minutes or so up to 80% of your peak BPM, take regular rest periods of gentler activity, perform multiple repetitions and then warm down again.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: Sex should always be treated the same way as exercise

You really do know how to pamper yourself

4
0
Silver badge
Troll

Indeed

Now, if only he can manage ten minutes he'll be set.

1
0
Coat

Comparative risk analysis?

"Among 10,000 people all suddenly cranking up their activity levels by an hour a week, only two or three would suffer heart attacks."

But... that's HUGE -- compared to the other risks Lewis has been discussing for the past week. I think that we ought to expect the objective journos at the Daily Fail to get at least two weeks of front-page headlines out of this newly quantified risk!

1
0
Coat

Alarmist, Moi?

Would this be an article by the same Lewis who has been decrying alarmist reporting about radiation from Fukushima?

With the sub-headline "When you finally do get lucky you might DIE"?

So where's the Fukushima angle?

Wait... What?

4
0
(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Alarmist, Moi?

Sigh.

4
1

Easy now.

Heart attack risk, remember.

1
2
Bronze badge

Re: Alarmist, Moi?

Not I! I have the body of a Greek god. The fat one.

2
0
Silver badge
Joke

I never understood why people want the body of a Greek god

Imean, if the statues are to be believed, the body of a Greek god is marble white with a tiny dick.

2
0
Gold badge

Only 2 or 3 in 10,000?

"Among 10,000 people all suddenly cranking up their activity levels by an hour a week, only two or three would suffer heart attacks."

I must say, I find that a rather *high* figure for just one hour of extra exercise per week. Across the UK that would be 5 or 6 thousand heart attacks. Presumably they wouldn't all happen in the first week, but still...

0
0
Silver badge
Joke

Mercedes Carnethon???

I thought that was the first prize in a prolonged shagging competition!

0
0
Happy

Made my day!

"rather than moping in a sessile condition on the floor of the pie cupboard"

Ah, Lewis, you do have a way with words. Thanks you,

John Arthur

1
0
Silver badge
Grenade

Title

So a slow manage-a-une whilst out on gentle walks before going straight into a reverse-dutch-steamboat ?

1
0
Thumb Up

Thanks Reg

"Bad news today for idle crisp-scoffing lardos who seldom get much attention from the opposite/desired sex"

Thumbs up for the first line!

0
0
Coat

Irony and Darwin

There's something vaguely ironic about removing ones self from the gene pool in an attempt to expand the gene pool.

Mine's the one with the brass handles and oak veneer.

1
0
Thumb Up

"ease back into it gradually"

Start by her being on top? :)

0
0
Anonymous Coward

title is title

Aw shit.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

I think you'll find

I think you'll find that I want to die whilst having sex, as such this is fantastic news.

0
0
Silver badge
Unhappy

Not much fun...

for your partner, though, is it?

0
0
Dead Vulture

the bragging rights ...

aren't bad, especially if she has the right sense of humour about it, although perhaps she would do better to avoid the topic of "what happened to my ex" while looking for a replacement.

Am I really the first to use a tombstone icon? (not used in the disgusted with el Reg sense)

0
0
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Coming and going?

"I've been with 1000's of men,

again and again,

they promise the moon,

they always coming and going,

going and coming,

and always too soon! "

No Paris here - just Lilly von Shtupp

4
0
Thumb Up

RE: Elmer Phud

Where the white women at?

Damn, i watch too many films...

0
0
Alert

So according to Lewis.....

sex is more dangerous than swabbing down a burnt out nuclear reactor?

2
0
Anonymous Coward

I once had a friend

who's wife wouldn't let him have sex until he'd been in the gym for an hour. Maybe she knew something, either that or being Belgian she just liked the smell of sweat.

0
0
Coat

"Italian prime minister style orgy"

A new Reg standard measurement?

0
0
Silver badge

Guys... you're missing the point here

"In other words, the more you do it the safer it is."

Show that to the wife and explain to her that regular sex will keep her hubby alive longer.

(Well, hopefully she'll think that's a good thing)

1
0
Happy

Genius

"moping in a sessile condition on the floor of the pie cupboard" - pure poetry!

0
0
Silver badge
Troll

One can only surmise...

That not only does internet porn and masturbation have a place in society, but also that they're GOOD for you!

Pass me a flack jacket, please...

0
0
Boffin

Uhm...

You do realize that there are multiple sexual positions where one does not put a large strain on one's heart?

So if you are out of shape, haven't had sex for a while... try one of those positions and let your partner do the work....

Of course if you are older and are still concerned see a cardiologist and get a stress test, or a stress test echo ultrasound just to see what your body can take.

1
1
Silver badge
Boffin

Good luck with that request!

I had a "Stress Echo-cardiogram" a couple of years ago, and very nearly pissed myself. Literally...

If your idea of fun is being pumped full of adrenaline and microbubble laden fluids, be my guest.

For ordinary mortals, I recommend a very wide berth!

And I don't think you'll get much joy from your GP when you ask them either. Unless you have BUPA, or are rich as well as stupid, fat and lazy...

0
0
Silver badge
WTF?

Huh?

A stress echo cardiogram is a stress test followed immediately by an ultrasound echo done within the Cardiologist's office.

Yeah you feel some pain as you work to rev your heart rate up. But that's it.

Not that difficult, not expensive and most health insurance companies will cover it, especially if you get a referral from your GP.

And yes, I've had one.

0
0

Page:

This topic is closed for new posts.