Florida lag packs prison survival kit up jacksie
A Florida lag was last week relieved of the substantial prison surival kit he attempted to smuggle into Sarasota County jail in the time-honoured manner - packed in a condom up his jacksie. Police mugshot of Neil Lansing On Friday, homeless Neil Lansing, 33, was hauled before a judge on an unspecified charge, and promptly …
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Note to fellow Yanks:
The "jacksie" is the organ that politicians and lawyers talk out of.
Appaling
Clarkson takes the piss of the Mexican, Brits laugh. Mexicans complain, the same Brits say that these Mexicans have no sense of humour and need to get a life.
Jake bashes the Yanks, 3 thumbs up, presumably from the same people again?
Doug offers the Brits a backlash and gets 5 thumbs down, presumably yet again by the same people?
Proves that the people who keep on laughing at others expenses and find it perfectly fine "because it's just a joke" only find it funny when it hits others.
Nice display of narrow minded intolerance, very impressive.
"Bashing Yanks"? Moi?
Re-read mine, friend ... Rumor has it that I am a Yank who has spent a lot of time in Blighty, and was just providing a cross-the-pond translation service. For free, even.
Kids these days. No je ne sais quoi ...
Refund?
Well he did keep the receipt...
Paris because she's done time ;)
"Well he did keep the receipt..."
For tax purposes. He wouldn't wanna get busted by the IRS and end up in prison ;)
Rubber vs eraser
"...one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle..."
I see you have catered for our American readers in using 'eraser' rather than 'rubber'. I suppose he could have included a condom within a condom - probably a very useful item in view of where he was going.
Rubber in rubber
"I suppose he could have included a condom within a condom"
If you re-read the article - he did.
Round blue pills...
Lots and lots of things....
http://www.drugs.com/imprints.php?action=search&imprint=&color=1&shape=24
Valium or Ambien would be my guess.
opiates
The blue opiates hydrocone & roxicodone are very popular in this area. They come in (american) football & round shapes respectively.
Round & blue ...
Probably those toilet tank leak detecting dye tabs[1] ... Florida is in the middle of a drought you know, and every little bit helps!
[1] "Prueba para ver si el tanque de la taza bafio tiene fugas de aqua", for my friends in Miami ;-)
or ...
traveling light ... a novel way to put a hole in budget airline baggage charges, oh wait !
That's a lot of stuff
More a 'Chatham holdall' than a 'Chatham pocket'.
Pointy bits
"...one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle..."
Braver man than me. No needle is going up my jacksie under any imaginable circumstances. Eraser tipped or not.
needle
in a rubber or not, i'd never, ever stick a needle up my bum.
A syringe with a rubber on the end?
I wonder what he got caught for, and how he got caught - to end up going to jail in the first place?
Was it, "Hey Bank Robber - can you put these hand cuffs on, while I open the door for you"?.
Dickhead.
Be Prepared
I imagine he was merely using whatever came to hand to perform stretching exercises. Its best to be prepared.
New Unit of Cubic Capacity
To add to the other measures mentioned elsewhere, you now need to introduce a measure called the Fully Dilated Convict Rectum (FDCR). Perhaps this could expressed in Elephants, such as 1 FDCR = 17 micro Elephants or 1 Elephant = 58.8 Kilo FDCRs. Now express it in Firkins.
The real question is,,,,,,
How many FDCR's are there to one Wales?
"How many FDCR's are there to one Wales?"
This was either a unit fail.
As it's like asking, "How many pints are in an acre"
Or a humour fail.
Because all the really big assholes live in England.
Wrong country
It's actually 'how many FDCR's in Blackburn, Lancashire'.
WTF?
Lip balm and a condom? Was this his entertainment pack or survival kit?
no
he just wanted to blow the condom up and make balloon animals for the other inmates.
Phew
For a second there I misread jacksie as the hose hole.
The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.
Yo dawg so I heard that you liked Rubbers, so we put a Rubber in your Rubber, so you can rub while it rubs...
the it angle
He had an iPhone shoved up there as well, seemed to improve the reception no end.
title goes here
I was just reading an article about Apple fucking over Last.fm thinking "where's the prison survival kit stuffed up the jacksie angle". Deal with it!
Duh
I assume the "unrelated charge" was illegally distributing pirated movies via the Internet.
Or, alternatively, it's Friday and you are reading the Bootnotes section of the website.
Thumbs up, because I assume that's how this story began.
the angle is...
about 60 or 70 degrees, to get all that up there...
Re: "What is The IT angle?"
condom up the ass is also a good way to steal ethernet cable.
There.
Ring of fire
It would be a brave man to smoke the cigarette once it had been removed, assuming it still lit.
useless items
I can kind of understand him stuffing the pills up there but what was the other stuff for, surely he could get all that inside if need be.
Quite how he managed to sit down or walk around with a needle up his arse beggars belief.
Mind you, i have seen an x-ray of a vicar with a can of coke stuck up his arse.
Not new
Anyone here ever read Papillon? Henri Charriere said he had a machined egg-sized metal container up his arse for most of his stay, where he kept a stash of cash. And when one prisoner was about to be searched, he handed another of the same to Charriere for safekeeping, so there were two of these things up there. Good job they didn't feed the convicts that well, really, bcos any significant throughput would have been a problem.
Badgers because they know a thing or two about holes. (And Paris is too obvious a choice.)
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