back to article Florida lag packs prison survival kit up jacksie

A Florida lag was last week relieved of the substantial prison surival kit he attempted to smuggle into Sarasota County jail in the time-honoured manner - packed in a condom up his jacksie. Police mugshot of Neil Lansing On Friday, homeless Neil Lansing, 33, was hauled before a judge on an unspecified charge, and promptly …

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Silver badge

Note to fellow Yanks:

The "jacksie" is the organ that politicians and lawyers talk out of.

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Go

Gotcha

Akin to union Jack then?

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Anonymous Coward

Appaling

Clarkson takes the piss of the Mexican, Brits laugh. Mexicans complain, the same Brits say that these Mexicans have no sense of humour and need to get a life.

Jake bashes the Yanks, 3 thumbs up, presumably from the same people again?

Doug offers the Brits a backlash and gets 5 thumbs down, presumably yet again by the same people?

Proves that the people who keep on laughing at others expenses and find it perfectly fine "because it's just a joke" only find it funny when it hits others.

Nice display of narrow minded intolerance, very impressive.

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Silver badge

"Bashing Yanks"? Moi?

Re-read mine, friend ... Rumor has it that I am a Yank who has spent a lot of time in Blighty, and was just providing a cross-the-pond translation service. For free, even.

Kids these days. No je ne sais quoi ...

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Paris Hilton

Refund?

Well he did keep the receipt...

Paris because she's done time ;)

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Boffin

"Well he did keep the receipt..."

For tax purposes. He wouldn't wanna get busted by the IRS and end up in prison ;)

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Rubber vs eraser

"...one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle..."

I see you have catered for our American readers in using 'eraser' rather than 'rubber'. I suppose he could have included a condom within a condom - probably a very useful item in view of where he was going.

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Anonymous Coward

Rubber in rubber

"I suppose he could have included a condom within a condom"

If you re-read the article - he did.

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Silver badge

Important question

Did it contain a pack of fudge?

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Silver badge

Round blue pills...

Lots and lots of things....

http://www.drugs.com/imprints.php?action=search&imprint=&color=1&shape=24

Valium or Ambien would be my guess.

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Thumb Up

opiates

The blue opiates hydrocone & roxicodone are very popular in this area. They come in (american) football & round shapes respectively.

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Silver badge

Round & blue ...

Probably those toilet tank leak detecting dye tabs[1] ... Florida is in the middle of a drought you know, and every little bit helps!

[1] "Prueba para ver si el tanque de la taza bafio tiene fugas de aqua", for my friends in Miami ;-)

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Bronze badge
Coat

or ...

traveling light ... a novel way to put a hole in budget airline baggage charges, oh wait !

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IT Angle

That's a lot of stuff

More a 'Chatham holdall' than a 'Chatham pocket'.

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Pointy bits

"...one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle..."

Braver man than me. No needle is going up my jacksie under any imaginable circumstances. Eraser tipped or not.

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needle

in a rubber or not, i'd never, ever stick a needle up my bum.

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Bronze badge

damn

They don't pay the deputies enough.

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Coffee/keyboard

Keyboard owed!

Good stuff for a crap Friday.

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Jobs Horns

A syringe with a rubber on the end?

I wonder what he got caught for, and how he got caught - to end up going to jail in the first place?

Was it, "Hey Bank Robber - can you put these hand cuffs on, while I open the door for you"?.

Dickhead.

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IT Angle

Be Prepared

I imagine he was merely using whatever came to hand to perform stretching exercises. Its best to be prepared.

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New Unit of Cubic Capacity

To add to the other measures mentioned elsewhere, you now need to introduce a measure called the Fully Dilated Convict Rectum (FDCR). Perhaps this could expressed in Elephants, such as 1 FDCR = 17 micro Elephants or 1 Elephant = 58.8 Kilo FDCRs. Now express it in Firkins.

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Boffin

measured title

is a metric Firkin is a Mirkin ?

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This post has been deleted by its author

The real question is,,,,,,

How many FDCR's are there to one Wales?

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Black Helicopters

Surely...

FDCR is equal to 0.37 metric goatse guys?

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FAIL

"How many FDCR's are there to one Wales?"

This was either a unit fail.

As it's like asking, "How many pints are in an acre"

Or a humour fail.

Because all the really big assholes live in England.

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Silver badge

Wrong country

It's actually 'how many FDCR's in Blackburn, Lancashire'.

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WTF?

WTF?

Lip balm and a condom? Was this his entertainment pack or survival kit?

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Thumb Up

no

he just wanted to blow the condom up and make balloon animals for the other inmates.

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Anonymous Coward

Phew

For a second there I misread jacksie as the hose hole.

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Joke

The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

Yo dawg so I heard that you liked Rubbers, so we put a Rubber in your Rubber, so you can rub while it rubs...

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IT Angle

What is

The IT angle?

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Coat

the it angle

He had an iPhone shoved up there as well, seemed to improve the reception no end.

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Happy

title goes here

I was just reading an article about Apple fucking over Last.fm thinking "where's the prison survival kit stuffed up the jacksie angle". Deal with it!

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Thumb Up

Duh

I assume the "unrelated charge" was illegally distributing pirated movies via the Internet.

Or, alternatively, it's Friday and you are reading the Bootnotes section of the website.

Thumbs up, because I assume that's how this story began.

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Coat

the angle is...

about 60 or 70 degrees, to get all that up there...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "What is The IT angle?"

condom up the ass is also a good way to steal ethernet cable.

There.

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Ring of fire

It would be a brave man to smoke the cigarette once it had been removed, assuming it still lit.

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useless items

I can kind of understand him stuffing the pills up there but what was the other stuff for, surely he could get all that inside if need be.

Quite how he managed to sit down or walk around with a needle up his arse beggars belief.

Mind you, i have seen an x-ray of a vicar with a can of coke stuck up his arse.

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WTF?

Prisoner's Purse

Ouch!

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Badgers

Not new

Anyone here ever read Papillon? Henri Charriere said he had a machined egg-sized metal container up his arse for most of his stay, where he kept a stash of cash. And when one prisoner was about to be searched, he handed another of the same to Charriere for safekeeping, so there were two of these things up there. Good job they didn't feed the convicts that well, really, bcos any significant throughput would have been a problem.

Badgers because they know a thing or two about holes. (And Paris is too obvious a choice.)

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