back to article Pitiless teen burglar murders three witnesses

An Illinois teenager is facing residential burglary and cruelty to animals raps after killing a trio of potential witnesses to an Arlington Heights burglary - three goldfish. On 24 January, the unnamed 16-year-old and two accomplices, aged 15 and 17, targeted an apartment in a block which had been evacuated following a fire on …

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Pitiless?

Should that not be pitiful?

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Coat

No doubt ...

the scales of justice will prevail.

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Anonymous Coward

Burglary?

"An Illinois teenager is facing residential burglary.....".

Being the you-ess-aye, wouldn't it be "burglarizafizication" or somesuch unneccesarily extended term?

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Well Not Really

"They can apparently recall stuff for up to three months, making the victims in this case potential key prosecution witnesses."

There is no place in the US where a criminal will be brought to trial in three months or less. Not even Juvenile Court or Family Court (which is the courts which have jurisdiction over minors in many places.)

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Coat

Well known Mafia method for dealing with witnesses .....

..."Those stool pigeons are sleeping with the fishes!"

OK, I know ,,,,,

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Anonymous Coward

Goldfishes can be evil

Sam and Max were going to execute Mr Spatula, and I don't think they were going to get arrested for it (but then, they ARE the freelance police).

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@Cricri

You crack me up, little buddy.

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Not just evil - pure evil!

Yeah, we wouldn't want Mr Spatula's spirit sending the seamonkeys after the burglars!

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Linux

Would have loved

to have heard that cross examinaion in court,

Prosecuter - Mr Fish can you see the perpetrators in this court?

fish - -O-

Prosecuter - Is that yes or no?

Fish - -O-

Icon - Another Mass Fish murderer

PGB

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Headmaster

Direct or Re-direct, but not cross

A prosecutor doesn't cross examine witnesses FOR the prosecution.

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Happy

hmmm

Should have taken the trio to the local prawn shop...

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it's the Chicago Way

did this massacre take place on Valentine's Day?

And where's the Tommy gun icon?

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Coat

Fish in the dock

If the fish go to court and have to swear on the Holy Bible, does it matter if they don't necessarily believe in Cod??

Yep, fetching it now.....

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Anonymous Coward

In Cod We Trust

They will if they are Icelandic goldfish. (Where's Ghostigital?)

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Coat

Or in Cod we thrust

The pisceophiliacs motto.

Yep, got it, gone

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Sounds reasonable

...if you consider a perp with a goldfish's IQ.

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Worse even than the parrot burglar

but in a similar line,

I like this one better...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/11/08/parrot_kidnap/

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The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

Gotta hand it to the criminals, they dont like to leave anything to chance. But just how did they get caught?

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FAIL

caught easily

dont U.S plod work closely with the local pawn shops? so they probably went in the next day to sell the kit,police checked pawn shops found all the kit sold/attempted and got em that way

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Megaphone

just how did they get caught?

They posted photos on Facebook?

Don't know for sure, but that's the usual way.

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Joke

you have never visited...

goldfishbook.com?

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Dead Vulture

In the UK

... they'd get a heavier sentence for sleeping with the fish than killing them ....

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I only hope...

... a suitable jury can be found:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8264782/Cat-ordered-to-do-jury-service.html

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WTF?

Couldn't happen in the UK

The police actually followed up the crime report by going to a nearby pawn shop. That's beyond the call dude.

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I spotted some police in town on Sunday...

Spotted some police in town on Sunday... one parked in a Japanese 4x4 police car on a double yellow line while his mate got some cash from Barclays.... Glad to see they obey the law they are happy to enforce. Would have probably been less of a problem if the lard **** was able to walk a few feet so they weren't parked opposite another car (also on the double yellow) and therefore blocking the whole main road through the town.

Busting to get to the case I bet...

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/sigh

No witnesses? Goldfish?!

What a fucking muppet. They should execute him for the sake of the gene pool!

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why do I picture Kevin Kline and Jamie Lee Curtis as in on this caper?

Have any poodles been found flattened by heavy weights, carried off by large and aggressive dogs, etc.?

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Anonymous Coward

Sentence all 3 to a 'hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spice'...

...enema.

That'll teach them.

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I was going to suggest...

...flushing the perps down a huge toilet. But I like yours better.

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Joke

Think of the fishes' final quotation:

"Oh, Christ, it's Mr. Creosote!!"

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This is not a title

Hmmm, I thought I read somewhere that animal cruelty laws don't apply to fish.

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Question of jurisdiction

It's all a question of "which law?" Just here in the United States, there is Federal, State, and various levels of local (County/Parish, City, ...). It is entirely possible that what is true in most jurisdictions is not in another. In this particular care case, the laws of the United States Federal Government, the State of Illinois, Cook County, Illinois, and the "Village" (pop. ~76,000) of Arlington Heights, Illinois all apply. While I myself am not aware of the legal situation re: cruelty to fish in these jurisdictions, it is entirely possible that it is allowed at a higher level and banned at a lower level.

-d

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WTF?

ARRG!

This is my home town!!

Seems the high schools there have lost funding.....

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Cruelty laws

They do in the UK can't say for US though.

That kid sound like potential spree killer material.

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Jobs Horns

In the US and A....

They can be tried for witchcraft and having sex with night demons....

By people who profess how their god loves us all and have their fingers on the nukes........

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Grenade

Still..

gratuitous cruelty to any animal is indicative of a warped mind.

Throw these idiots to the lions or tigers in the local zoo, and let them experience being on the receiving end, at least for a short time: and it'll save the zoo authorities the cost of a couple of meals.

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better still...

it will save the taxpayers dollars to keep and feed them.

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twats.

twats.

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sounds funny but

this kid is a psychopath larva. They start out on animals, then work their way up to humans. Normal kids have, in fact, more empathy for pets than for humans, as people who write kids' movies know. You can show the parents getting killed, but if the dog gets killed, the movie is also dead.

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