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back to article Big stink over Malawi farting ban

Officials in Malawi have locked horns over the controversial ban on farting in public. The prohibition forms part of the Local Courts Bill, due for introduction next week. The legislation has the backing of justice minister George Chaponda, who said the clampdown on unruly bowels would promote "public decency". According to the …

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Anonymous Coward

A title has been provided and contains letters and/or digits

"trouser cough"

I salute you Lester.

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Boffin

Don't forget boys and girls...

that when you smell a fart, you are in fact breathing in tiny pieces of pooh.

Think about it.

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IT Angle

R u 7

Isn't it funny how things we picked up in the dim recesses of childhood remain to be uttered forth in dottering adulthood. Your Mum forgot to add that your poop ought to be stuck to the inside of your underwear, but then she probably didn't like your skidmarks and wanted some small revenge.

The stinky smell is from a group of reduced sulphur compounds generated in our guts. Similar gases are produced from kraft pulping. Here in Canada we have whole towns that smell like your bedroom thanks to Britain's demand for high quality Canadian kraft pulp and paper. So when you all smell a fart you can thank Canada for your quality of life, again.

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Unhappy

Are you saying Canada smells like shit?

Looks like I'll have to scrub that one off my list then.

Shame. I've always wanted to go there... Never liked Kraft cheese though.

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Flame

He who smelt it...

...dealt it.

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Coat

Whoever said the rhyme...

... did the crime (quite literally!)

Mine's the one with the sound-proofing and air-tight seal.

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Thumb Up

He who denied it....

...supplied it.

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Coat

Lady Isabella Farnsworth-Smythe

Is hosting a dinner party with 12 distinguished guests when she inadvertently rips one out.

to avoid blame she turns to her Butler, "Jeves, stop that at once."

Certainly madam, which way did it go?

.

Thank you and goodnight.

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Coat

That'll be HP beans sales down

I wonder if HP will lodge a complaint about this...

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Bronze badge

You surely jest?

Everyone knows that beans, means Heinz.

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Asda Smartprice

beans are the way forward.

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i thought

beanz meanz fartz

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Thumb down

Who gave me a thumb down over Asda Smartprice beans?! They're cheap and harmless (as far as beans can be harmless, noxious gases not taken into consideration)!

A fan of Tesco Value beans, maybe?

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Burden of proof?

So you have two or more people standing on the street. A policeman walks by <sniff, sniff> looks at the people - how does he know which one to arrest?

All I can think of is invoking the old playground rule which would mean turning himself in.

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Happy

Ahem, more tea Vicar?

We're all veggie in our house, what we may lack in colour, we more than make up for by "whistling in our Y-fronts"!

What the hell is wrong with these health-nazis? Like visiting the little person's room, coughing, breathing and eating, everyone farts. Fact of life! Some more than others, you hold that pressure back too long and I'm afraid it's gonna break out sooner or later!

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JDX
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not just farts

BO & bad breath would be under that law too, no?

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: not just farts

I'd like some clarification as to the law on belching and vomiting.

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Also

Some help as to whether it's O.K. to leave the small room, enter another room and advise the occupants therein that it may be prudent to avoid visiting the small room you have recently vacated until a significant amount of time has passed.

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Anonymous Coward

Noooo!

They can't outlaw belching. It's the highest form of compliment to the chef. They'll upset culinary experts the world over if they try that one on.

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Joke

Oka-a-a-a-a-y......

"Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour."

So, by that rationale, body odor, bad breath, smelly feet and Lynx deodorant are also outlawed??

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Lynx

i think you'll find that the geneva convention has that one covered

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Are they able to show their research...

...in the dangers of passive farting?

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Badgers

Hmmm

The wording seems geared towards punishing pollution alright, but it wouldn't surprise me (given the reported comments) to see at least some folks try to implement it as a "public decency" bill.

Which will no doubt lead, eventually, to an interesting day in court for someone to try and prove that Aroma of Trouser Cough is intrinsically dangerous to the public health, rather than merely an unpleasant indicator of an individual's recent dietary input.

Of course, the creepier thing would be for officials to try and claim that it wasn't a medical/biological health issue, but a "psychological" health issue....

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<title required>

Easy solution to aportioning the blame, just take a dog where ever you go...

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re:

Or a scape goat.

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Anonymous Coward

Coughing is one thing......

but a "trouser sneeze" is a different matter entirely.

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Pint

Business Opportunity:

Carbon filtered pants.

Lager please. Real Ale gives me wind.

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Pint

Lager vs Real Ale

Lager gives me wind.

Oh wait, Is burping illegal now?

mines a half of O.T.T.

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Pint

Specifically...

...in the form of charcoal. It's been a long week.

the 2nd pint should do...

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Glad I'm not Malawian(?)

Having just chowed down on a big plate of veg samosas I'm grateful to live in a country with freedom of, er, gas.

First they came for the flatulent...

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The scene: a courtroom.

Clerk of court (to defendant): You are charged with farting without due care and attention. How do you plead?

Defendant: You get on your knees!

(cymbal crash off-stage)

Prosecutor (to defendant): I put it to you that whoever smelt it, dealt it!

Defence (to Judge): Objection! It is well known that whoever said the rhyme, did the crime.

Judge (to all & sundry): Sustained. The next person to speak is a spanner!

... etc

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Big Brother

Silent but Deadly

What about silent but deadlies?

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Deny everything!

Deny everything!

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That law....

Not to be sniffed at.

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Anonymous Coward

lets hope Malawi do make farting in public illegal

...then we can all laugh at them, and deservedly so.

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"He who

denied it, supplied it" or even "he who articulated it, particulated it" of course there could be problems if someone let's out a silent one in a room full of people. Unless they followed through it may be tough to prove who dun it.

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Malawi: Country with the quietest politicians

Well, they all talk out of their arses don't they?

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I predict a

Forthcoming tea shortage for Malawi vicars.

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Flame

How

did El Reg anticipate the need for a "lit fart" icon?

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FAIL

I want to see them enforce it...

Sometimes it is impossible to track it down.

Besides...shit happens. Right?

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Happy

Ooohh...

S.H.?

Ahhh, the deadly night-on-the-sauce-followed-by-large-doner-and-chilli follow-through!! Nasty, very nasty indeed!

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Free Speeck

So, is farting covered by free speech? I mean, it is a means of expression.

"Here I stand all broken hearted,

had to .... but only farted!"

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Grenade

This is not a title

Dean, Dean

Made a machine

Joe, Joe

Made it go

Art, Art

Cut a fart

and blew the thing

all apart

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Anonymous Coward

Andrew Crossley

could have a field-day on this one.

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Happy

gas warfare outlawed

Thank goodness.

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Pint

we have a saying down this way

It's better to fart and stink a little.

Than to bust your arse and be a cripple.

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Coat

Are they gonna outlaw absinthe, too?

The problem with absinthe is that it causes flatulence that sounds like the name of a Japanese car.

That's right -- absinthe makes the fart go Honda.

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Flame

That sir

Is ripe for adverse comment

Fire it up, otherwise it'll make you vomit

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Coat

A valuable source of renewable energy

Vehicles might run on flatulence power?

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