Officials in Malawi have locked horns over the controversial ban on farting in public. The prohibition forms part of the Local Courts Bill, due for introduction next week. The legislation has the backing of justice minister George Chaponda, who said the clampdown on unruly bowels would promote "public decency". According to the …
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I salute you Lester.
Don't forget boys and girls...
that when you smell a fart, you are in fact breathing in tiny pieces of pooh.
Think about it.
R u 7
Isn't it funny how things we picked up in the dim recesses of childhood remain to be uttered forth in dottering adulthood. Your Mum forgot to add that your poop ought to be stuck to the inside of your underwear, but then she probably didn't like your skidmarks and wanted some small revenge.
The stinky smell is from a group of reduced sulphur compounds generated in our guts. Similar gases are produced from kraft pulping. Here in Canada we have whole towns that smell like your bedroom thanks to Britain's demand for high quality Canadian kraft pulp and paper. So when you all smell a fart you can thank Canada for your quality of life, again.
Are you saying Canada smells like shit?
Looks like I'll have to scrub that one off my list then.
Shame. I've always wanted to go there... Never liked Kraft cheese though.
He who smelt it...
Whoever said the rhyme...
... did the crime (quite literally!)
Mine's the one with the sound-proofing and air-tight seal.
He who denied it....
Lady Isabella Farnsworth-Smythe
Is hosting a dinner party with 12 distinguished guests when she inadvertently rips one out.
to avoid blame she turns to her Butler, "Jeves, stop that at once."
Certainly madam, which way did it go?
Thank you and goodnight.
That'll be HP beans sales down
I wonder if HP will lodge a complaint about this...
You surely jest?
Everyone knows that beans, means Heinz.
beans are the way forward.
beanz meanz fartz
Who gave me a thumb down over Asda Smartprice beans?! They're cheap and harmless (as far as beans can be harmless, noxious gases not taken into consideration)!
A fan of Tesco Value beans, maybe?
Burden of proof?
So you have two or more people standing on the street. A policeman walks by <sniff, sniff> looks at the people - how does he know which one to arrest?
All I can think of is invoking the old playground rule which would mean turning himself in.
Ahem, more tea Vicar?
We're all veggie in our house, what we may lack in colour, we more than make up for by "whistling in our Y-fronts"!
What the hell is wrong with these health-nazis? Like visiting the little person's room, coughing, breathing and eating, everyone farts. Fact of life! Some more than others, you hold that pressure back too long and I'm afraid it's gonna break out sooner or later!
not just farts
BO & bad breath would be under that law too, no?
Re: not just farts
I'd like some clarification as to the law on belching and vomiting.
Some help as to whether it's O.K. to leave the small room, enter another room and advise the occupants therein that it may be prudent to avoid visiting the small room you have recently vacated until a significant amount of time has passed.
They can't outlaw belching. It's the highest form of compliment to the chef. They'll upset culinary experts the world over if they try that one on.
"Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour."
So, by that rationale, body odor, bad breath, smelly feet and Lynx deodorant are also outlawed??
i think you'll find that the geneva convention has that one covered
Are they able to show their research...
...in the dangers of passive farting?
The wording seems geared towards punishing pollution alright, but it wouldn't surprise me (given the reported comments) to see at least some folks try to implement it as a "public decency" bill.
Which will no doubt lead, eventually, to an interesting day in court for someone to try and prove that Aroma of Trouser Cough is intrinsically dangerous to the public health, rather than merely an unpleasant indicator of an individual's recent dietary input.
Of course, the creepier thing would be for officials to try and claim that it wasn't a medical/biological health issue, but a "psychological" health issue....
Easy solution to aportioning the blame, just take a dog where ever you go...
Or a scape goat.
Coughing is one thing......
but a "trouser sneeze" is a different matter entirely.
Carbon filtered pants.
Lager please. Real Ale gives me wind.
Lager vs Real Ale
Lager gives me wind.
Oh wait, Is burping illegal now?
mines a half of O.T.T.
...in the form of charcoal. It's been a long week.
the 2nd pint should do...
Glad I'm not Malawian(?)
Having just chowed down on a big plate of veg samosas I'm grateful to live in a country with freedom of, er, gas.
First they came for the flatulent...
The scene: a courtroom.
Clerk of court (to defendant): You are charged with farting without due care and attention. How do you plead?
Defendant: You get on your knees!
(cymbal crash off-stage)
Prosecutor (to defendant): I put it to you that whoever smelt it, dealt it!
Defence (to Judge): Objection! It is well known that whoever said the rhyme, did the crime.
Judge (to all & sundry): Sustained. The next person to speak is a spanner!
Silent but Deadly
What about silent but deadlies?
Not to be sniffed at.
lets hope Malawi do make farting in public illegal
...then we can all laugh at them, and deservedly so.
denied it, supplied it" or even "he who articulated it, particulated it" of course there could be problems if someone let's out a silent one in a room full of people. Unless they followed through it may be tough to prove who dun it.
Malawi: Country with the quietest politicians
Well, they all talk out of their arses don't they?
I predict a
Forthcoming tea shortage for Malawi vicars.
did El Reg anticipate the need for a "lit fart" icon?
I want to see them enforce it...
Sometimes it is impossible to track it down.
Besides...shit happens. Right?
Ahhh, the deadly night-on-the-sauce-followed-by-large-doner-and-chilli follow-through!! Nasty, very nasty indeed!
So, is farting covered by free speech? I mean, it is a means of expression.
"Here I stand all broken hearted,
had to .... but only farted!"
This is not a title
Made a machine
Made it go
Cut a fart
and blew the thing
could have a field-day on this one.
gas warfare outlawed
we have a saying down this way
It's better to fart and stink a little.
Than to bust your arse and be a cripple.
Are they gonna outlaw absinthe, too?
The problem with absinthe is that it causes flatulence that sounds like the name of a Japanese car.
That's right -- absinthe makes the fart go Honda.
Is ripe for adverse comment
Fire it up, otherwise it'll make you vomit
A valuable source of renewable energy
Vehicles might run on flatulence power?