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back to article BOFH: There's no 'I' in team, but there's a 'u' in suck

“Team Conference!” the Boss chips quickly in the door of Mission Control before moving on to other offices. “Welcome ... to ... THE MACHINE!” I murmur to the PFY. “Say what now?” the PFY asks. “The Machine. Like in Princess Bride. You’ll notice how management’s been conspicuously quiet over the past couple of weeks?” “I …

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Why took so long?

Excelent post as usual, but why the long wait? Still recovering from the holidays.

And...

YES!

First POST!

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Why took so long?

Ah, nothing so poignant as a failed firstie.

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Happy

LOL

About time....

So thanks for me Friday Smile

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thank you

so much time without an update, but it's quality .. .please don't leave it so long next time

thanks

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Back on form

and no cattle prod in sight

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Happy

Cattle prods in the workplace

The only problem would be that you'd need a risk assessment to even commission one, then you'd need to have attended a safety training course on its use, then...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!!!

I.. stand... corrected!!!

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FAIL

@Chika

You.. stand... corrected???

After a jolt from the BOFH's cattle prod you don't stand for a very long time... PERIOD!!!

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And it's not ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!!!

It's >KZZZZZZZZZERT!<

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'nuff said!

Nice one, Simon.

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Nice One

Made my friday!

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Hazzar!

The dull and somewhat listlessness Fridays are at very long end. Excellent form sir!

However, can you account for the lack of content from back in December sometime? were you in fact abducted by aliens, did a drawing of the PFY come to life in some form of Fantasia-esq event and spring a surprise attack on your very person...

Enquiring minds MUST know!

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Alert

Except...

Enquiring minds just got an unpleasant view of the PFY prancing across the meadow in pseudo-Greek clobber, hullo clouds, hullo sky...

Anyone want a beer? I need to forget something!

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Anonymous Coward

Wot no cattle prod?

No use of cattle prods but still good anyway!

I was wondering if the BOFH was going to appear in 2011

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He's back!

I was getting withdrawal symptoms!

Cheers Simon, top notch!

(I! seem! to! have! come! over! all! Yahoo! today!)

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IT Angle

Agree with the air con

Hate air cons, if its not in the server room its not an IT issue.

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Happy

Woo!

First Friday I've not been forced to wo... wor... w.. (sorry just can't say the word) and we have a nice prezzy from the BOFH.

Oh, and cattle prods are so last decade :)

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@ Will Godfrey

"Oh, and cattle prods are so last decade :)"

Indeed. Surely we've upgraded to illegal import tasers by now. So small, so discreet, so vicious.

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Stop

@ ! Dr! Mouse!

Stop! it! now!

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WTF?

IT Problems

The rule here is "If its got a plug on it, its IT", seems to include wired directly into mains as well.

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Nice work!

and a genuine officelol, loath as I am to use that phrase.

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Nice!

Worth the wait! Keep them coming.....

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And they are off

Off and running, into bookshelves, coffee mugs, dishwashers..

Hmm I'm thinking it's been a quiet month as maybe the BOFH hasn't had any major issues to deal with as management has been away you know how they do like to take extended time off to recover after the last episode.

Should it not be if it's got a PS/2 / USB / RJ45 / RJ11 / VGA / DVI port it's IT else it's not, that thus doesn't cover the bosses big HD TV unless it's a computer monitor, the kettle in the staff canteen, the photocopier unless it's a network printer to ...

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Anonymous Coward

HDTV

Yea, but the high dollar HDTVs all have USB/VGA/DVI and sometimes RJ45 ports (and of course, the more clueless will think that the S-Video port is a PS2 port!)

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zb

HD

Aah High Dollar TV, I always wondered what the HD stood for.

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WTF?

You tailed off....

A network printer to... what?

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Oh boy oh boy oh boy

A new BOFH. It's already open in another tab but I'll just keep it there for a while before I read it, I'll just wallow in the warm and fuzzy feeling, knowing that a brand new BOFH will be waiting for me when I'm finally done debugging that #&!!@%$#! python script.

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Happy

What the Boss doesn't see

Can definitely get you hurt.

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Go

Anyone else think

That Simon's work deserves a TV series? Or perhaps even just a new character on the IT Crowd called Simon - somewhat based on his antics....?

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Indeed I do...

... but the little problemette is getting the TV companies interested.

I have completed a series of six one-hour episodes and I'm currently trying to sell them. As I'm not Nathan Barley, it's taking a while.

If anyone out there works for a TV company, and is in a position to lock a script editor into the tape safe until they sign on the line, then get in touch! :-)

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Happy

Is the sub-head

worthy of some kind of award for wildly gratifying non-relevance ?

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Pint

OH&S presents so many opportunities to the BOFH

If the boss ever lasted long enough to learn from his mistakes, or if the higher-ups on the corporate ladder were a little higher up on the evolutionary ladder, someone would eventually decide that the BOFH and PFY really need an extra £10,000 a year expense account for safety-related items. For instance, six beers at each lunchtime would prevent users from annoying them, thus reducing user fatalities. It's a small price to pay!

Also, the company safety manuals should be rewritten. The #1 rule of computing is DON'T HASSLE THE BOFH. It should be written in 36pt type on page 1 of the safety manual. And in 18pt type at the bottom of every other page.

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You had me...

at "Team Conference!"

Anytime the PHB wants a TC, there's always a blood sacrifice needed.

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Should not this be Episode 1?

Again, a great one!

But, sadly, we had to wait 1.5 months...

In line with previous seasons numbering, I think this should not be episode 20 but rather episode 1 of 2011.

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They will never learn

with such high rate of bosses turn over, you'd think the "new" boss would learn a thing or two.

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Happy

Thank you.

That's all, just thank you.

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Coffee/keyboard

grin :) because it doesn't allow only emotes :(

Wake up, Cold shower, No hot water

Drive two hours to site, Realise left vital piece of equipment back in office

Manage to cobble together kit to get job done without client noticing

Complete an 18hr day

Get home & a new BOFH is waiting! There really is a God :)

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Go

Faceplanted into a pallet of servers?

That sounds like it's gotta smart.

I wonder, though... Will they ever, eventually, hire a boss who's savvy enough to realize that his only course for continued employment is to let Simon and the PFY - and their precious budget - be in peace?

What the heck kind of a story would that make? None, of course! The Bastard is Back! ^_^ I can't believe I've been reading for a year now.

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Eh?

Shouldn't they have chain-sawed the offending shelves down to size, ignoring the stacked contents and thereby shredding them as well. Then tossed the air-con out of a closed widow thus creating air-con and offered whingy bloke a bottle of wash up liquid and a scouring pad, docked out of his wages, to set him up in his new franchise?

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Pirate

Can't believe I missed this for over a week!

But oh, what perfect timing - just this morning I received a huggy feely e-mail from H&S central about how they've been looking in to exciting ways to communicate their vision and emphasise that we're all in this together and everyone needs to be engaged.

Their grand idea? Yet another poster campaign... and the poster is bright pink with a 'zero tolerance to accidents' theme and a blank space to insert appropriate local messages and photographs to *really* encourage team engagement!

Well, I addressed the engagement part easily by logging out of the phone system. That just leaves the poster insertions to take care of...

;)

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Terminator

I've so missed BOFH...

Been so long I'd practically forgotten about it...

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