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back to article Boffins hope for dimensional portal event at LHC by 2013!

Top boffins at international science alliance CERN have decided to postpone a planned upgrade and keep the Large Hadron Collider - arse-kickingest particle-punisher and largest machine of any kind built by the human race - running at current power levels to the end of 2012. This decision has been made because scientists believe …

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Joke

Re: Boot Note

"Readers should note, disappointingly perhaps, that dimensional portals which could be opened by the LHC would be so tiny ... "

So I need a really *small* crowbar then?

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Coat

No small crowbar

But it seems that it will be a really small Cthulhu which emerges ....

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Coat

Sparticle

Will a particle come out announcing "I am Sparticle?" Or will it only spin to the far left?

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Coat

I'm Sparticles!

That is all.

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Anonymous Coward

Remember the film

No - I'm Sparticles !

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Remember the film

I see what you did there.

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Anonymous Coward

No, I'm Sparticles

and so is my wife

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Alert

No your not I am..

Oh... Errr... no... apparently I'm not..

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But....

Will there be cake ?

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Coat

No...

...the cake is a lie.

(Mines the one with the weighted companion cube in the pocket)

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Coat

But...

I guess we better be prepared to welcome our Combine overlords then.

Mine's the one with the icing stains, thanks.

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stucs201

But there really was cake!

It's well documented. Search http://www.thecakeisnotalie.com/ for "Cake Sphere". The recipe for the cake is there...

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Anonymous Coward

10E-26 seconds

10-E26 seconds might be plenty of time in a different time frame

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Anonymous Coward

Should have been clearer...

Is that 10^-26 from the CERN boffin point of view or from our new extra-dimensional overlords'* point of view?

* Whom I welcome

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Joke

Oh yeah...

There was this guy Maxwell who lived in a cave...

He was a wizard who kept a pet daemon who blocked all of the fast moving particles from entering the cave in the summer and then kept the fast moving particles in during the winter so to keep the cave warm.

So you've got to wonder.... where did Maxwell get such a small daemon?

If he could open a portal way back when... what makes you think one of his little daemons wouldn't pop through now?

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Linux

@"So you've got to wonder.... where did Maxwell get such a small daemon"

The daemon grew up and now works for the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defence.

Penguin icon, as its the nearest to a cat like icon I could find. :)

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Boffin

@MinionZero

You're mixing stories... Maxwell and Harry Potter don't mix.

Here's a hint... "And the lord said let there be light..."

Now do you know who Maxwell was?

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Happy

@Maxwell and Harry Potter

@Ian Michael Gumby: "You're mixing stories... Maxwell and Harry Potter don't mix."

Just as well I wasn't referring to Harry Potter then. :)

FYI, the demon working at the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defence, is Hellboy.

By the way, Hellboy likes cats (not to eat, but as pets). (I have no idea what he thinks about Penguins, but we don't have a cat icon).

Meanwhile, the pet daemon you refer to is Maxwell's demon, a thought experiment to discuss from a statistical point of view, the nature of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Incidentally, Hellboy is fireproof, which is an ideal quality to have if he wanted to work for Maxwell as his demon.

So there you go, there is some logic lurking behind my insanity. :)

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Cat?

We've only got your word for it that the cat is alive - open the box!

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Alien

@MinionZero

You are correct, I stand corrected.

You truly are a twisted nerd who needs to get a life.

But who am I to talk?

I'm the guy wearing the MIT Hillel's T-Shirt w Maxwell's Equation printed on the front with the added line '... and there was light'.

(Ok I haven't worn it for years and I wonder if they still print it.)

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Anonymous Coward

resonance cascade?

Remember, headcrabs are vulnerable to shotgun blasts and well timed crowbar swings.

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Pint

Delicate times

I believe CERN's finances exist in vast numbers. _Vast_.

They can afford to employ one measley portal scientist skilled in xenomartial guerilla warfare. I'd go so far as to say it's a duty. If he just so happens to be a slim, dark-haired chap with close-cropped hair, glasses and a goatee, so much the better. I think we'd all sleep better at night.

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Paris Hilton

But...

"exist for such ultra-brief instants of time"

But that's longer than a clamper waits before clamping your car. So can we expect inter-dimensional traffic wardens, to be waving their fine pads around?

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Terminator

We are all DOOOMED!!

When the LHC finally exposes the Higgs Boson Sparticle for all to see the universe will cease to exist. Since we live in a universe that is based on observer interactions, finding the final particle will complete the human experiment which will subsequently be turned off.

That isn't to say that it won't be run again to see if the results are the same, after all repeatability is a requirement of any good experiment.

Next time around I plan to be Giant Tortoise.

Sod the coat,.... where are my pills?

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in your coat

The dried frog pills are in your left hand pocket.

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Go

No we are not!

You should know by now what will really happen....

As soon as the Sparticle is discovered, the entire world as we know it will dissolve away into white and a big sign will appear saying "LEVEL 2!"

I can't wait for the new maps and powerups!!

See you in the next level

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Title?

One theory states that as soon as we discover what the universe is for, and why it is here - it will instantly vanish, and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable.

A second theory states that this has already happened...

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Aye

The Higgs boson is a boojum, and we'll slowly and silently vanish away.

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IT Angle

already happened ....

... several times ....

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"Out of this door might come something, or we might send something through it,"

If we're going to send something through might I suggest Jedward? Or would that be considered un-neighbourly to our interdimensional bretheren?

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Happy

Nah, that's fine

Cthulhu is hungry

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Oh great plan.

You're just itching to start an interdimensional war aren't you? No sooner do you find a useful hole than you start dumping all our old shit through it...

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Thumb Up

Indeed...

....perhaps before we find these portals we should really come up with an international convention on fly-tipping.

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Do....

you not mean INTERDIMENSIONAL conference on fly-tipping ?

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Joke

Fly tipping?

Is that like cow tipping, but with small winged insects?

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you may laugh

at the idea of interdimensional beings squeezing their way into our plane through any tiny portals created by CERN, but I have yet to see definitive proof that this will absolutely not happen. I mean, these being might just be waiting on "the other side" for us to create a portal that they can then commandeer and control with their advanced 10th dimension portal stabiliser.

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But...

But if there's no portal already there for them to swarm through, how would they know about us lot on this side? Perhaps it's a read-only portal.

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FAIL

but I have yet to see definitive proof

Do you think they would be experimenting if they had definitive proof?

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Linux

Read Only?

Well just in case...... sudo chmod a=r Portal

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Thumb Down

a boffins promise is worth?

Portals... what a lot of nonsense. Science keeps promising but never delivers.

Michael Rudd (or maybe Judith Hahn) promised us jet packs back in the 70s... and where are they? Hmmm? no where, that's where.

Sticking wings onto a car is not a jet pack. I want my jet pack!

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Get your jetpack here

You even get change from $100,000

http://www.engadget.com/2011/01/31/water-propelled-jetpack-is-no-dream-can-be-yours-for-99-500-th/

(Still grinning from being first with "I am Sparticle")

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No

Jet packs are canceled.

No way to have speed cameras at higher-than-ground-level, and traffic wardens would need ladders...

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Coffee/keyboard

Nice wording.

"...maximum particle-prang potential of 7 TeV: the more cautious red line had to be painted on the big dial..."

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Before opening doors to higher dimensions

should we not work out how to fire missiles at right angles to reality?

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Wrong by 11 days

21/12/2012

I, for one, .... etc

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running at current power levels to the end of 2012

Hmmm, isn't that around when the Mayan calendar hits the end of its current big cycle? The end of the world nutcases are going to have a great time with the idea of interdimensional portals opening on that date.

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Happy

Hey Yankees! 110 volts aren't enough

"1 TeV plinkings" LOL

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The easiest business case in the world

Boffin: "We've got to keep the LHC running for another year - that way we'll open an interdimensional portal and we will be able to communicate with the future"

Bean counter: "How can you be sure"

Boffin; "Simple, I got am email from myself, dated 2013 telling me how to do it"

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Letters, Digits

The barman said "Sorry, we don't serve time travellers in this establishment."

A time traveller walks into a bar.

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