An exhausted Turkish man living in Germany has asked cops to protect him from his sex-mad missus, Bild reports. The bleary-eyed victim of his wife's "voracious embraces" walked into a police station in the southwestern city of Waiblingen on Tuesday to explain he'd spent four years kipping on the sofa in a vain attempt to get …
The lucky, lucky, ungrateful bastard.
... we haven't seem what his wife looks like.
Badgers? Because we don't have a beaver icon.
rate this article?
Help is at hand
I'm sure the british police's bodyguard unit could send someone over
As per title - sorry!
I like the IT-angle on this
So the man gets a divorce and his problems are over.
But what about the poor woman? Once her identity is revealed, with a sex drive like that, how is she ever going to find another man?
(Mine is the one with the rubbers and blue pills in the pocket).
Can't get enough sleep?
There's a nap for that...
...app for that.
A photo of the missus please, so we can get an indication of whether this guy's being an idiot or not.
man make snoosnoo
Be careful what you wish for.
dont worry about the police
I'm heading to the airport to take care of the problem myself.
Have some sympathy for the poor sod!
You get in from a hard day at work and all you want to do is eat some scran, plonk down in front of the goggle-box. Instead all you get is the Missus all over you, poking and proding your various bits in an attempt to get some life out of the wee gentlemen, she simply won't leave you alone to watch the game or a documentary about the Wee-Wok tribe from Outer-Mongolia!
Playmobil reconstruction, please
I know, I know, the Playmobil team is now looking into space horizons and epic adventures close to the outer edge of the planet. However, in this specific case, they could surely enhance the story with their classic acting talents.
Know your audience
As much as I enjoyed this article there are some that will complain about it not being tech related enough. Maybe to appease these people you could reword it as follows
Title: "Man goes to cops to request cease and desist on port DoS attack"
Body: A Turkish man has requested police intervention on a violation of his master port's acceptable use policy whilst he explores get out clause options in his contract. Sustained throughput has prevented him entering sleep mode.
A Verizon spokesperson stepped in to support the man by stating "Unlimited use is all well and good initially, but is unsustainable in the long run."
You, Sir, made my day.
Give the man a job
as an El Reg special correspondent.
I'd only make one change - strike "Verizon" and replace with "Virgin".
Poor guy needs a stunt double....
..or a team of stunt doubles perhaps.
..A stunt double?
a cunning one?
They have two kids
How only two!?
Re: They have two kids
Clearly: failure rate of birth control methods X intercourse count = 2. Of course, the reliability of proper birth control is extremely high, so...
...binding socket to port.
I suppose the IT angle, is that they did not need an Internet connection because there was no need for the usual on-line porn ^^.
Calm down now
Please form an orderly queue.
You will all get your rations.
Is his missus a member of the "Lubby Dubby Tribe"?
And does she look like Valerie Leon?
They have kid?!?!
Kids are a pretty good prophylactic in my humble, frustrated, experience.
Paris coz, well you work it out
Slowing down and such
> Kids are a pretty good prophylactic in my humble, frustrated, experience.
They only help so much and really only if you are completely worn out by them. This is primarily true of babies and toddlers. No so much for older kids.
Despite the giggling from the back
I read somewhere that the "I've got a headache" excuse is used far more by men than women.
And I have two ex-husbands that well demonstrate that men are not all sex machines (though that isn't the sole reason for their ex-ness - they were work-shy money-obscessed arseholes in general*).
*this only works if your partner is prepared to foot all your bills for nothing in return.
The one to pass up is the one you can never make up again. Give this guy a week and I bet he will be back for a little lovin'
The sentence has been passed
You are condemned to Death by Snu Snu! Lucky bastard..
'Suck on this' because suggesting that would have doubtless cooled her ardor wouldn't it gents?
You quote Bild Zeitung? The rag that you could compare to News of the World? Have you checked the story? Half of what is written in that toilet paper is made up!!!!!!
And the guyz who claim he should be grateful .... have you ever been in a relationship with a nympho? I guess not ... some can really tire you out, I know from experience, I made the same assumptions ... I can tell ya, when ye end up walking into the office like a cowboy every other day, you will soon figure that having a relationship with a nympho is not only tiring, it can also be painful ... balls ache like mad when you stress them too much!!!!
Madonna for obvious reasons ...
- Leaked screenshots show next Windows kernel to be a perfect 10
- Amazon warming up 'cheapo web video' cannon to SINK Netflix
- Something for the Weekend, Sir? I need a password to BRAKE? What? No! STOP! Aaaargh!
- Episode 13 BOFH: WHERE did this 'fax-enabled' printer UPGRADE come from?
- Vulture at the Wheel Ford's B-Max: Fiesta-based runaround that goes THUNK