German docs develop remote-control stomach submarine
Boffins in Germany were chuffed indeed yesterday, as they announced successful trials of the latest medi-tech development: swallowable, remote controlled video-cam "capsule" submarines, able to probe a patient's guts without the need for an intrusive umbilical cable running down the throat or up the bottom. Thus far, docs …
This topic is closed for new posts.
The stomach is a really bad place for a submarine
Don't they remember the bad guy getting digested in Inner Space?
Beer? Far more suitable stomach contents.
Contender for quote of the year?
"The magno-directed wireless stomach submarine was apparently assembled by taking a standard colon-intruder unit and adding magnetic discs to create a dirigible tum-prowler capsule."
genius
sounds Fantastic
Does it contain a miniaturised Raquel Welch?
Title in hiding
Seems like they got the idea for this from that film where the guy shrinks a ship and travels through someone elses body in it.
That or the giant squid program on the Discovery Channel, in which case i hope it fires torpedoes or harpoons.
This has been done before, surely
Dennis Quaid and his submarine get shrunk and injected into Martin Short's ass. Been there, done it.
Pah... Title we don't need no stinking title
Perhaps it was orange?
Was...
Mentioning that the capsule was unmanned really necessary?
Maybe you were just trying to stop people making comparisons with Inner Space or Fantastic Voyage - good luck.
ttfn
A German submarine for patrolling intestines?
Tsk. I wonder what Dönitz would have thought?
Nothing New - NHS already has this
On a serious note, I have a nephew with a serious abdominal complaint who was diagnosed by swallowing a similar camera in a NHS hospital a few months ago.
Maybe if the NHS put out more press releases on stuff like this, the journos at El Reg might get round to picking them up
In the NHS...
.... They probably force feed you a spotty yoof in a wet suit with an old VHS camcorder.
German sub in your intestines...
Would that be a....poo-boat then?
Using sherbet to inflate stomachs.
I suspect that a certain amount of subsequent fun was had by the 10 volunteers, probably over a few beers, with a target and the supplied projectile / propellant combination.
Arse submarine darts. It could be the next Olympic sport.
Well it's kind of obvious where it comes out but
But single use going to be kind of expensive and not on the green wagon.
So which poor smuck do they give the job of sorting it out from the rest of the cr@p (literally) Will they have special toilets like at customs that allow them to sort and look for swallowed drugs after the laxative?
Already solved..
The added propulsion from the sherbet after effects (think global warming and "do not expel near open flames" warning signs) should give enough power to shoot it straight through some fluid submerged brushes.
Alternatively, this strikes me (pardon the pun) as one of the better community service projects - almost guaranteed to prevent re-offending (of the convict, not of Das Uboot).
As someone
Who has had 'probes' at both ends (purely for medical reasons), I welcome our stomach acid proof guided submarine-lords.
And the reasons for sherbert is that it produces CO2 when mixed with water, this inflates the stomach so the sub can be moved around. Similar to a colonoscopy, where air is injected down the tube so the docs can have a bloody good look around. This is damn uncomfortable, but does produce very impressive farts on the way home.
It's not the farts you should worry about..
.. it's the need to follow through to see the return of the submarine..
Who exactly is worried about "low patient compliance"?
>'Naturally enough this tactic causes a certain amount of disquiet among patients (as the researchers put it, "some view endoscopy as uncomfortable, and worry about low patient compliance").'
Misinterpreted quote? I would expect something called "low patient compliance" to be a sign of disquiet among the administering doctors, not their patients.
I would guess
that it would be doctors. It goes like this:
>'Naturally enough this tactic causes a certain amount of disquiet among patients (as the researchers put it, "some [doctors] view endoscopy as uncomfortable [based on patient feedback], and [these doctors] worry about low patient compliance").'
At least, that's my reading of it...
Disappointed
No-one has made any jokes about depth-charges or torpedoes yet
Quite ingenious
But not exactly the first U boat built in Hamburg.
I can picture the scene already..
".. pleaz be quiet, zis is not goink to hurt"
Just hope it doesn't up its periscope en route.
Finally!
I've been saying for years I'll get my colonoscopy when the technology improves. I think it just has. Now, 12 more years or so for FDA approval and I'm in like Flynn.
With, or without the miniature Raquel Welch in the wet-suit I've been dreaming of since I was a lad.
Never-
They would much rather stick a full size submarine periscope up yer torpedo tube.
Who needs submarines
Doctor Who did it just with people and a dodgy prawn costume.
This topic is closed for new posts.
