Your apologetics are as ridiculous as someone claiming that since a Mini is quite a nice car that nobody should have any reason whatsoever to want a car with features or functions that a Mini lacks.
In response to your frankly silly excuses:
* Media support. Many people have media in a variety of formats and want to be able to watch it without caring too much what format it's in. Just because YOU always buy your movies from the Apple store doesn't mean others have. e.g. some people might have purchased DIVX / Amazon movies or ripped their own or transferred movies from a PVR or downloaded them. Regardless, a device which has better media support and an open media framework to support new formats or services is better than one which doesn't for many people.
* HDMI, USB support. What? The $29 Apple dock supports VGA output and USB purely for charging and syncing with a PC. The VGA output also requires another adapter costing another $29. And of course cables for splitting the audio. All of which gets you precisely nowhere close to the quality or convenience of playing movies through HDMI if a device just had a built in port.
* Memory expansion. Pure bollocks. There are many reasons someone might wish to plug in an SD card, such as transferring pictures, music or other files around. e.g. I might wish to use a tablet to edit a photo on an SD card from my camera before plugging the SD into a photo processing machine. Perhaps you should suggest we should all buy a $29 camera kit to work around this artificial restriction?
* Keyboard or other built-in peripherals. Again you appear to think that just because you want to haul around a separate $69 keyboard (mutually incompatible with the $29 dock, and $29 camera kit which need the same port) that everyone does. Some people may prefer a keyboard which folds neatly and flat with the tablet.
* Removable battery. Your rationalizations are getting ludicrous. Virtually every non-Apple phone in existence manages to feature a removable battery. My HTC desire manages it by the mind crushing concept of pop clips in the back cover. Others do it through sliding backs. Some backs are made of plastic, others steel or whatever. Some people appreciate being able to replace one battery for another without invalidating their warranty or spending a small fortune sending their phone / tablet off and receiving a mystery replacement with none of their files or settings a week later.
* Form factors. So says you, other people can and do have different requirements. Some might appreciate a tablet with a different aspect ratio for multimedia playback, or a smaller size for traveling, or a few more hard buttons, or a rubberized back for easy grip, or a smaller bezel, or a built in stand, or a folding cover or the multitude of different features a tablet might offer. Claiming the iPad is perfect for everyone is absurd. People have different tastes and requirements.
* Different price points. Again, some people might question why they have to fork out $600+ for a device and then a small fortune for a carrier bag full of docks, cables and other accessories when one selling for half the price meets their requirements. And it's quite clear that there will be tablets selling for half the price. Some devices like the Archos 101 already do and as CES demonstrates there are going to be many, many tablets to suit all tastes and budgets in the next year.