back to article Minister 'C*nt' promises £50m to get fabtastic fibre for all

Culture minister Jeremy Hunt has promised £50m in extra funding to put "a fibre point in every community in the UK by the end of the Parliament". Although he acknowledged that moving the UK from its poor position in world superfast broadband rankings to nearer the top would require a mix of technologies, he said pushing fibre …

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I heard it

Yup, Jim Naughty definitely did a spoonerism and pronounced Hunt with a C. He spoilt it rather by apologising profusely a little later.

As to the government's announcement, as there is no new cash (just shuffling existing money around) and as previous targets have proved more aspirational then actual, I hold out little hope of the UK ever having the "best broadband in Europe". Hunt's glib assurances are unlikely to become reality.

So I'm not sure why Naughtie felt the need to apologise - like most of our political overlords Jeremy is a c*nt.

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Headmaster

Spoonerism?

I'm not sure that really was a Spoonerism, it was more of a Freudian Slip.

Now if Naughtie had described C|Hunt as a "Shining Wit", then that would definitely have been a Spoonerism.

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Coat

Jeremy

Hunt by name, c*nt by nature.

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Re: I heard it

I fail to see the spoonerism though, that'd be "Heremy Junt" surely? What Jim did was more of a saysitlikeiseesitism.

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FAIL

Not a Spoonerism

Heremy Junt or Juremy Hent are Spoonerisms. This was not. Such a slip involves transposition of the first element of two words. I suspect I far more likely explanation is that this is the unconscious carrying over of editorial room banter into the live programme, or what if commonly known as a Freudian Slip.

James Naughty has previous on this. In 2005, in an interview with Ed Balls, he asked "If we win the election" and then corrected himself to "if you win".

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/observer/archives/JamesNaughtieWinningtheElec.mp3

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Hunt the Culture Secretary

I think he got Hunt and Culture confused.

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Headmaster

You picked the wrong two words

The words he said, directly after Hunt was "Culture Secretary". So the relevant words were "Hunt Culture", though he stopped before fucking up "Culture".

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Go

Spoonerism...

Jeremy Hunut, Culture Secretary....

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Definitely Spooner at work here

Jeremy Hunt, Minister for Culture - just transpose the C and H. This is more likely to happen because they're both followed by the letter u (according to some Prof who contacted Today after the event).

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Pint

He should have carried on...

...for maximum plasuaible deniability

Buy the man a beer, in the hope of more ;-)

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FAIL

sfdgdfg

I'll believe it when I see it.

What's the chances that BT will happily take the £50m and spend it on consultants and putting new fibre down in areas like London, which already have it, ignoring any non-city location.

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Would you be happy, very happy, less happy or about as happy if...

I concur: the article mentions "...£50m in funding for...market tests...".

Market tests? Is this phoning 100 random people and asking "Would you like faster broadband?" and "Would you pay an extra £10 / £20 / £30 a month?".

The answer to the first question is always "yes". The answer to the second is always a lot more than people will actually pay when it comes to reaching into their pocket.

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Not BT

"second wave testing of market tests for superfast broadband from May next year - local groups have until April to propose new tests."

It means that there will be £50 spent on advertising that HM.Gove is spending money on asking about asking about fibre.

It won't get as far as BT, HM.Gove will spend it on medal polishing.

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FAIL

Confusing Market Research with Market Test

You are mixing up market tests with market research. Market tests normally involve a small/medium scale piloting of a products, typically in a defined target area. As it is a market, and not a technology test (or trial), then it will usually involve charging for the product and looking at such things as take-up rates and processes.

But since when did bothering to find out what the terms mean stop anybody commenting on it?

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Yup

In his local constituency no less

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Simples

All you have to do is persuade a substantial proportion of the population to move into huge apartment complexes. As long as most Brits remain fixated on owning at least 3 of the 4 walls surrounding us, it will be an order of magnitude more costly to deliver FTTH than it is in S Korea or many other countries were apartment-living is the norm.

Of course, it's easy to wire up a block of flats to a 1Gb fibre and claim everyone has high-speed broadband. For myself, I'd rather have an 8Mb link that delivers a genuine 8Mb 24x7 than a nominally 100Mb connexion that slows to a crawl when all the kids get home from school.

PS Jeremy Hunt talked of his programme creating 'up to' 600,000 new jobs - anyone have a clue where these might be coming from?

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@Chris Miller

He thought these new jobs would appear in online shopping.

Quite why you need a 1GB line to use online shops is a bit of a mystery.

He also said that BBC is helping to pay because of iPlayer demand.

Why stop there eh? Using his logic than all online businesses should help pay for the new infratructure.

The man is an idiot as well as a *unt

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Joke

Dunno

"PS Jeremy Hunt talked of his programme creating 'up to' 600,000 new jobs - anyone have a clue where these might be coming from?"

Dunno? Phorm operators? Phorm installation engineers? Phorm advertising sales department?

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600,000 new jobs

Someone had to dig those trenches to lay all the new fibre... not quality, knowledge worker jobs.

If only Virgin offered their 50 Mbit/s offering to business customers and domestic customer rates, they might attract a lot of small limited companies (i.e. 1 / 2 person consultancies use by contractors).

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@Chris Miller

maybe the clue is in the "up to". On the other hand, someone's got to pull the fibre, install the PCs, and (*** help us) fix the PCs when the numpties - sorry, end users - screw them up by filling the hard drive with 1Gbits-downloaded crap.

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Why shopping of course

..next time, pay attention to the minister, numpty!

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Headmaster

Ah but...

It never states those are individual 'permanent' positions only 'jobs', which can also be interpreted (or more commonly, misrepresented) as tasks, so they may have 100 people, but 6,000 tasks to complete.

More playing with the numbers.

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It could have been worse....

At least he didn't call him the Vulture Secretary.

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Unhappy

What about us in the cities?

As a bone of contention with all this you never hear any mention of uprating the speed for those of us living in city centres (rather than in the 'burbs where it's somewhat easier to dig roads up)? It's rather frustraing that most of the flats around were I live have cable instations in the infrastructure of the building but nothing to connect to.

I fear that with the advent of super fast broadband that again we'll be left out again(when these days there are as many people living in most city centres than live in large towns).

ADSL as well isn't so bad but again the best we can round Leeds is 14 mb (estimated from BT) which I know is better than some but when you go round student areas they have at least 20mb from cable available on the cheap.

Unhappy because, well, we should have had 'super fast' broadband over 10 years ago but still nothing.

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Show Off

Dude, I long for the speeds I got back in my old city centre flat (though not the flat itself).

Complaining that you are losing 6Mb out of 20? You don't know you are born. My connection is meant to be getting upgraded to the 20Mb one in February but I already asked if it'll improve the 3Mb speed I ACTUALLY get and was told it won't because I'm too far away :(

As for cable? Virgin don't seem to have any interest in building new infrastructure at all.

Either way it's all a bit crap really.

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Get the previous tech first to all urban areas first

So Hunt wants to trial one Gigabit per second broadband in rural England. That's nice. Maybe we could get C21N in URBAN Scotland first though? Large parts of Glasgow can't even get that and have no idea when BT will bless us with an upgrade despite having plenty of local businesses and homes that could use it.

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But they think 90% of the UK is in London.

No one in there cares about the rest of the UK (and I've met a few of them in person that think that way).

Probably the same reason for some Merkin to call the Reg an obscure site.

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Stop

You'll be waiting a while...

21cn seems to have pretty much been abandoned as a project, to be replaced with FTTC/FTTH and VoIP in the future. So rather than having ADSL2+, you'll have to stick with ADSL(Max) until BT decide to run out a new cable. Just look at the Openreach websites that detail 21cn, they've not really been updated since 2009. I understand the core network has been completed, but the local exchange enablement seems to have died a death.

Plus, FTTx means that BT can claw back some charges because people wanting to use it will need to pay an installation charge, as opposed to them just installing the new equipment at the exchanges and switching the cables over.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: You'll be waiting a while...

21CN's still rolling on for local Exchange enabling (I'm in London and our Exchange was only updated in July) - see here for scheduled dates http://adsl24.co.uk/networkstatus/wbc/list/

If on the other hand you're more than 10,000 yards (as the cables run) from an Exchange or you require new cabling to be run, you'll be waiting a while.

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Joke

Another bailout?

I thought you guys were going solo... maybe you would have enough cash to put into broadband if you didnt go with the populist vote all the time, you know free student fees, free prescriptions, various other things free.. paid for by the motherland

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title

Now that Scotland has its own gummint and budgets, perhaps some of it could be spent on such infrastructure projects. Isn't that something the Scottish parliament should be sorting out?

It'll be interesting to see how many MPs representing Scottish constituencies vote to increase tuition fees for English Universities. Especially as Scotland voted to remove tuition fees for Scottish Universities, unless you happen to be English in which case you'll pay.

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Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

If they really want private investment they should scrap the Fibre tax that effectively keeps everyone except BT and the very large cable companies out of the running.

Until that is announced, i shall keep pointing and laughing at their pathetic efforts to pretend to seriously address this issue.

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I'm with Chris Miller

The "up to" stat sounds rather compiled by the industry standard PFMA ("Pulled From My @rse") methodology, and we do have a hugely different infrastructure task here. I suspect that the the Hulture Secretary hasn't quite grasped that, yet....

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who's kidding who here?

Apparently, the Beeb are going to pay for it! Now, who pays the Beeb all their money? and why are the BBC providing superfab shopping grocery shopping facilities to the masses?

And did you know that the 'new trial" exchange, is conveniently located close to BT's R&D centre in Martlesham Heath? Presumably, for this reason, The Los Angeles Times reported back in Mar 3, 1994, that "...British Telecommunications planned delivery of interactive multimedia services to homes Trials are under way in Kesgrave England .and that the Tehran Times, reported on |fibre to the Cabinet trials back on Oct 14 2008, ..."BT's Openreach will run a small trial in early 2009 involving 30 homes connected to the Foxhall exchange in Kesgrave, Suffolk. "

Presumably, the minister received no money from BT for making the BT promotional ad for BBC Breakfast TV & Radio.

There is presumably more, but this dial up 'not-spot' user has no money left!

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Better still...

On 'Start The Week' Andrew Marr introduced an item about the decline of Freudianism 'Freudian Slip' by referring to said incident and saying "of course I can't repeat what Naughtie said, but I can tell you he was talking about culture secretary Jeremy C**t, errr. Jeremy Hunt."

Queue background laughter.

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No title

Were there a lot of people waiting their turn to laugh?

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Kesgrave?

Hardly much of a challenge to start in Kesgrave, given they they don't need to do much more than pull a length of Cat6 across the road from the BT Research Labs at Martlesham! Still, all the BT engineers who live there will be happy, I suppose.

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Joke

What they roll out in Kesgrave is not what the rest of the UK gets.

I'm still waiting for that 1980s Laserdisc on demand service to be rolled out across the country.

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Paris Hilton

I'm still waiting

I'm still waiting for porn on demand through a Prestel terminal that was promised on an old episode of "Micro Live" that was shown before I was born, that I watched on youtube the other day, that caused me to laugh at the hairstyles and fashions of the early '80s.

Paris, 'cus she's surprisingly well rendered in magenta block characters!

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Is this needed?

Is this whole thing actually about giving everyone superfast broadband, or about getting some acceptable coverage to those in the sticks?

It's important that all people in the country have 'internet access', yes, but how good does that have to be? Is 1MB enough? To browse the web, be educated and not be a ludddite, sure.

To watch TV-on-demand, maybe not... but should public money be paying for that?

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Enough?

People will always find new ways to fill the bandwidth.

I remember when my 33.6K modem seemed overkill!, then the internet became popular and 500k web pages with flash became the norm rather than what idiotic "Web designers" did because they didnt understand HTML and let Dreamweaver do everything with images instead.

Currently i get 1.3Mbs, which isnt enough to stream BBC-HD, although it will do the normal service (And its annoying when some of the programs are HD-only). This is a few miles outside of Halifax.

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PTR

Why?

Who needs these superfast speeds?

10mb is plenty fast enought to stream anything.

I saw one package advertised the other day that, at full speed, you could use your broadband for 20 minutes per month before going over your useage allowance hahahaha

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Sounds to me like your from the old school of thining...

Like them that thought 2 digit dates would not be a problem (no not the ones that were originally limited with the space), or them that thought you would never need x amount of space on your HDD.

10mb is plenty now. but what about the future?

Please try to think outside the box. On the other hand I will believe any of this will happen when I see it.

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Come on - please think...

10mb is fast enough to stream ONE stream of HD.

Not the two, three or four streams that the average household *will* want. The current infrastructure is capable of handling, just about, the demands of today (excluding those people who just don't have BB at all), but entirely incapable of dealing with future demand. This I think is why the 2mb/2012 idea has been scrapped - why spend all that effort getting 2mb to the home on old tech when you will need new tech to get anything above that. You may as well spend the money on getting the new tech in place rather than bolstering the old tech.

Although I agree on the point about usage limits - they will have to go out of the window with these fat pipes.

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10mb?

Oh, I dream of 10mb. And I live in a major urban area, but not London.

Guess I'm sutffed then.

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Anonymous Coward

I dream of 8Mb...

AND I can se the godsdam exchange from where i'm sat. Thats the 21cn enabled Cosham exchange I could possibly hit with my empty coffee mug if I threw it. Via my nice shining new, recabled supposedly 16Mbit line that on a good day managed 2Mbit.

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PTR

Missing part of my point

Ok, so 10Mb is good for one or two HD streams, fair enough.

But what about the crazyness of limiting usage to the point where they can only download 3-4 HD streams per MONTH anyway!!

Like I said, I saw one package for FTTC that at full speed, would work for 20 minutes before being over your bandwidth allowance for the month :-D

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So what

We all know he's a minister for Culture and Use of New Technology.

It just got abbereviated.

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FAIL

Faster Broadband?

Well, I live in London, in an area where BT is trialling FTTH. I am so close to the exchange that I am on a direct cable, so can't get onto the fibre. I am SUPPOSED to be able to get 20mb/sec, but am lucky to get 8Mb/sec.

If this is the best that BT can manage, surely the Government should be looking for a more capabale partner for this project?

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