"It's too big to be a phone, and too small to be a tablet. It has all the worst qualities of both, and the advantages of neither. It is DOOMED."
Stop sucking steve jobs off. Some people do want the biggest device they can fit in their pocket. Not for everyone but some people will find the form factor attractive.
"Android is still not mature on the small screen" - how many phones are there now?
"apps don't scale to the bigger one" Yes they do.
Camera: Just because apple didn't put a camera on the iTampon - doesnt mean that no one else can do it correctly. Regarding shaky hands - what about phones - example Jesus phone 4? Or are they some magical device that doesnt shake.
Get out of the reality distortion field.
"No free hotpots like AT&T offers, and no way to enable disable a non-committal 3G access function from the device." - Not everyone lives in the USA or has to deal with AT&T
"Its GPU is weaker." - you may be right there.
"You can't see a whole page on the screen at once." Surely it depends on the page. Similar problem faces all small computing devices INCLUDING the iTampon. Screen resolution dicates this.
"There are no document editing apps comparable to iLife Mobile for Android." Google docs as one from the top of my head .I know its not an 'app'
"Lower resolution. " Your correct 1024 × 768 vs 1024 × 600. Wow what a difference. I expect the differnce in quality will blow me away! /s
"the battery will die so much faster. Both in terms of charge time, and lifecycles." Any evidence to support this? Or is it just because its a smaller battery?
"This thing is a PoS. The iPad is not world ending, but the continual lack of any competitor coming to the market with an actually viable alternative is simply sad." - Your probably right about it being a POS. Lots of alternatives (android , blackberry , windows , ubuntu and meego ) are in the works.