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back to article Pussy-slurping: You think you understand it, BUT YOU DON'T

Time-rich boffins in the States, who have been analysing the mechanism by which cats lap up beverages for more than three years - research which included the construction of an articulated, robotic feline tongue simulator - say they have finally cracked the mysterious moggies' methods. Curiously, it seems that cats actually …

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Anonymous Coward

I thought I knew a lot...

...about pussy's and tongue action but I stand corrected.

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Happy

i hope

you've booked the moderatrix in for therapy - she could need it when the comments on this story come in

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Anonymous Coward

Re: i hope

I doubt there'll be anything said that Mrs. Slocombe hasn't said already.

I've just finished re-watching every episode of AYBS and the only thing that could have made the show a tad more risque would have been if slurping was in common use at the time.

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Bronze badge

A deprived kittenhood

or depraved, with cats one never knows. Do they learn this at their mothers paw, obviously the next project for these brave scientists.

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Silver badge

Not all cats.

Ours gets cat milk everywhere. The floor, the wall behind the bowl, the top of her head. Everywhere.

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Paris Hilton

title

I think the article implies your cat may be retarded then :P

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Happy

Maybe all cats

Does your cat also bark, wag it's tail and fetch things for you?

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Coffee/keyboard

Doggy in disguise?

Nope, but you owe me a keyboard (Something with cherry blue switches would be nice)

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WTF?

Sorry to say

but I'm fairly sure that's not milk then.

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This post has been deleted by its author

Silver badge

Well

as we know, all bricks have a PhD in gravitational physics. Paper falls slowly because it is stupid.

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Anonymous Coward

robotic cat-lapping lingual simulator

All very well but they'll never make any commercial use out of it.

Where's the tongue in cheek icon?

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Coat

Continuing the theme...

"The crafty feline allows this to fly into its mouth, so keeping its chin dry in fastidious style..."

...because no-one likes a wet pussy.

TAXI!

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You mean...

You like dry pussies?

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Coat

Oh dear

Second day in a row that my innuendo meter explodes. Pussy-slurping and robo-trouser snake... coincidence?

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Paris Hilton

Re: Oh dear

So what is the Le Reg standard unit for innuendo??

Paris - well obviously...

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Coat

titular spurtage

"So what is the Le Reg standard unit for innuendo??"

I would have thought it would be the "Lewis ratio", which is innuendo total/pages per article

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FAIL

3 years

Surely one high speed video of a cat drinking (as in the article) makes it perfectly clear.

Did it take him 3 years to think of videoing it?

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Thumb Down

And I thought...

And I thought it was going to be an article about oral sex.

Very disappointed I have to say.

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Paris Hilton

oral gratification

Ah, yes, well at least most of the comments are about oral sex...

Paris because I am curious if her pussy slurps the same way too.

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Happy

Bad timing...

Any other day the headline would've been been truly snort-worthy, but I've been de-sensitised by "Crab Shack mock cock cop attack shock".

Busy Friday for the Vulture Central tabloid headline deptartment: genitalia sub-division though, & I hope Ms Moderatrix had her taco ration increased accordingly too...

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Happy

Technology Transfer

That ringing noise you can hear is a thousand porn makers trying to get hold of the designs to replace their Magic Wands...

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Trademark it quickly Lewis

Hands up everyone who wants to see Lewis and Lester pitch a paper and bendy straw Pussy Slurper(TM) on 'Dragons' Den'.

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Unhappy

Beginning of the end

If they manage to manufacture this device as a sex aid for the ladies, that's us men fucked. And not in the good way...

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Pint

ignobel awards submission methinks

it's becoming more popular than the original as it gets you things like Qi. now all they need is an agent to manage the appearances and the IP rights..

still, certainly pint-worthy science. lap it up lads.

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Yep

My thoughts too.

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You've got to love Basic Research...

Basic science research is fundamental to us understanding and emulating the real-world.

Who knows what'll come out of it.

Nice one Guys.

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Coat

@Beginning of the end

Jeez... I hadn't thought of that.

I guess a protest strike with "Tongues out!" banners wouldn't really be appropriate....

Oh well, please yourselves....

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Unhappy

Meiow

I know of one pussy that could not be slurped to contentment :(

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Thumb Up

Totally pointless .....

.... but I love it when real scientists make an effort to find out how things work. Good stuff.

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FAIL

NOMNONMNOM

"This suggests that cats are smarter than many people think, at least when it comes to hydrodynamics"

Does this guy do maths before he chugs a pint ?

Is he really claiming a cat does complex hydrodynamic equations in it's brain or would it possible that the nerves in it's mouth/throat tell it when it gets a big mouthful so they learn to slurp exactly like that ? NOMNOMNOM

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Headmaster

Cutta Cutta

I’m not sure about your translation. Word doubling is the simplest linguistic device for making a plural. It should probably be ‘many stars’, ‘indeterminate number of stars’ or just ‘stars’. Like Wagga Wagga, not far from Canberra, is recorded as meaning ‘the place of many crows’. A different Aboriginal language, but the same principle.

At least it’s not the siphon article all over again. It’s definitive: Sticky things are attracted to pussies.

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Top Boffinry

The Ig-Nobel prize academy will take note!

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Go

Nice!

Important stuff here. Are they now going to the "end" of the matter and research the exit point and study how a cat's behind stays so clean at the moment of truth? They see to think chin cleanliness is important, so it must follow that anal cleanliness is too. Can't wait for the vid on that. Wait, yes I can ... sorry, but I can. Whatever.

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Coat

You guys....

You really work "hard" at this reporting, don't you?

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WTF?

I love science and technology but sometimes.......

I have to ask, why?

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Anonymous Coward

Why?

Simply, because they can...

If you only knew what was going on in a number of labs as unofficial side projects...

scientist+project+research grant = lots of toys

scientist+project+lots of toys+time = published paper

scientist+project+lots of toys+published paper = bored scientist

bored scientist+lots of toys-project = whatever the bloody hell the bored scientist likes..

or something like that.

(there is another one along the lines of;

PhD students+lots of toys+beer=two headed cats..)

At one Uni, it used to be paranormal research and investigations into things like 'healing' crystals (I kid thee not - I had to kybosh wasting lab time on researching a damn e-crystal medial diagnostic type thing presented for evaluation by an academic)

sorry, but for obvious reasons, AC

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Flame

Hold on

Your discrimination against dogs disgust me! I remember a year or two ago seeing a very similar thing on TV only it was a bout dogs instead of cats. They seem to drink in pretty much the same way.

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Coffee/keyboard

THAT's IT

You must label these type of articles with a NSWD (Not Safe Whilst Drinking) that's the second keyboard this week...

it's not funny.... it's fucking hilarious

cheers

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J 3
Megaphone

Wait...

They published it on Science!? SCIENCE!? Oh, my... It's like Nature, but Merkin. Tough to get stuff published there, in short. Bastard pussy botherers....

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