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back to article MAD Students Union bars 'racist' ZOMBIE PHYSICISTS

Indicating just how deeply the modern zeitgeist has been corrupted by tidal waves of zombie-themed fictional claptrap, it has now been revealed that students' union leaders have decided that zombies are an ethnic minority in need of protection from racism. The fabulous barrelscraping Daily Mail has the scoop, reporting today on …

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Welcome

Braaaaaains!

Are they doing college courses in eating brain now?

Welcome matt for zombies, don't eat it

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Boffin

Maybe eating brains

is the only way some students can acquire some.

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Thumb Down

Bouncers

All their stats in Str and none left for Int.

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Coat

Well someone has to say it ...

This is political correctness gone mad

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Coat

This is offensive....

...to madmen. Or should that be madpersons?

It should instead read 'political correctness gone mentally challenged'.

(Mine's the one with Private Eye in the pocket)

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Pirate

It was to support the zombie cause!

It's like the "I'm Spartacus" thing! Minstrels too, they support integration!

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*sigh*

Another story that's no doubt going to really build sympathy for them after yesterdays palava!

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Hmm...

They are pretty shitty Zombies, to be honest.... they lack commitment to the Infected/Reanimated!

Not a single bloodied hand print in sight. Shambles.

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Stop

But...

Surely a shambles would indicate good quality Zombing?

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Anonymous Coward

NUS

I remember the local union declaring our campus a "nuclear free zone" - so a bunch of us went to complain on the basis that, as we were all sponsored by defence contractors, this might adversely affect our jobs.

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How terrible

A school campus without nuclei?

I think the members of that student union may want to consider learning something before making declarations! I'm sure they wouldn't enjoy attending the (electron) cloud university.

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Re: nuclear free zone

Yes, our lot (bloody art students) made the same pronouncement. Then someone pointed out all the isotopes being used in the physics and chemistry departments. They didn't even blink but carried on in their pompous naivety as if nothing had happened.

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Explained at last!

I always wondered what the exact mechanism was whereby alien races in things like Star Trek "evolved into beings of pure energy".

It is good to have an explanation after all these years. Presumably the Students' Union at Organian University was once as daft as the one at Sheffield.

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IT Angle

The Daily Fail

Has mixed up the name of the evening (Population) with the name of the bar (Foundry & Fusion).

Oh - and what's the IT angle?

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Dead Vulture

Isn't it obvious?

The IT angle is explained all the way on the top.

"The Register - Biting the hand that feeds IT"

(Somehow the Reg-tombstone seems extremely appropriate.)

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Go

By "Team Register", eh?

Phrases like this:

"Sheffield's no doubt large community of nocturnal cannibal contagion sufferers had gone too far"

lead me to suspect that you are Lewis Page, and I claim my 10 pounds.

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Pound Sterling...

or pound of flesh?

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Anonymous Coward

rubbish

there are women zombies there, can't be the Physics department!

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Happy

Upsetting

As an undead person I was refused entry to a number of Shopping Malls.

However all those people who claim political correctness gone mad, please spare a thought to those people who through no fault of their own have risen "Becuase there's no more room in Hell"

It's a real shame I have risen like I lived as part of the lumbering "George A Romero" type of Zombie, rather the the flight of foot style of the more ala 28 days later zombie, that way they would have gotten through quicker.

Zombism is not a fashion statement it's a way of life "Just walk around any Tesco on a Friday and you will see them!"

And I find it hurtful that people think all we do is eat brains! Haven't any of you seen us eat any other part of the living!!??

I am still waiting for our local council to give me a £100,000 grant to set up a Zombie Minority Drop in centre.

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FAIL

Zombies don't run

As clearly laid out by Mr S Pegg

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/nov/04/television-simon-pegg-dead-set

Besides, the 28d/wk ones were not zombies but infected; unwell rather than undead.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Zombies don't run

The whole 'zombies don't run' thing is bunk. Even George Romero says it's a matter of choice, he just thinks they'd snap their ankles.

It amuses me that people accept without a blink the idea of dead people walking around and eating other people - but dead people *running*? Whoa, that's just too much of a stretch!

Purists are silly.

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I beg to differ

Running requires considerably more co-ordination than lurching - ever seen a drunk person running fast in a straight line? I feel that more research is needed into this. We also don't understand about energy spenditure affects zombies. It may be that a zombie only has a limited amount of caloric energy to use and that running after a potential vicitim is less efficient.

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Headmaster

An Experiment Is Needed!

I think we should put a zombie into a paper aeroplane and release it from 60,000 feet and see how he gets on flying it down

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Reg Shoe

always despairs of these stereotypes; zombies lurching, deary-me.

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Zombies Dawn of the Dead

Even in the original Zombies Dawn of the Dead where most of the zombies were slow plodding types there were exceptions. When they stop to refuel the chopper the kid zombies run full speed across the room.

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Don't give credit to...

I wouldn't give credit to the Daily Fail for this one. It was in the Yorkshire Post yesterday.

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In fairness...

...I doubt these London types from t' Register read the Yorkshire Post.

But everyone reads the Daily Mail. (Unfortunately, some people take it seriously).

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Megaphone

MAD Student Loonies impose militant equality on the equally undead

So the Mail could be fairly accused of sensationalism, but their reporting is substantially more balanced and in touch with reality than the wacko PC extremists who run this student union. What's more concerning is that anyone takes them or their politics seriously, let alone votes for them. If it's zombie equality today, what twisted unnatural fantasies will they impose next?

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Ha

Who could've known that the tale from half-drunk classmates the next day was:

A) True?

B) Interesting enough to make it to El Reg?

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Flame

Surely

If you can be racist towards a Zombie, then "Zombie" is now considered a race of humans?

This is in error, as people are not born Zombies but made into them by an infection of some kind (yes I'm ignoring the Dawn of the Dead remake).

The definition of race is, according to google:

people who are believed to belong to the same genetic stock

And the definition of racism:

the prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races

Even according to most Zombie films out there, people are not genetically predisposed to becoming Zombies, they are bitten by one and forcibly made into one. So how can one form a prejudice that one's race is superior to another race which is not, in fact, a race?

You can discriminate against any group, or even individuals who are not affiliated in any way but have (atleast in your eyes) a similarity. But you cannot be racist towards a group of people who wear the same coloured tie as they might be made up of different races, so you can only be discriminatory towards them. Consider that all it would take is for you to wear one of the same coloured ties one day to become a member of the race you are prejudiced against. If Zombies existed, all it would take is a bite.

However your race cannot be changed. Someone born Asian cannot become Caucasian. They can take steps to appear so, but their genes remain the same.

A bit serious I know but the misuse and by extension taming of the word "racism" in the media and by normal people in these kinds of situations pisses me off.

Either way if you've ever played L4D you'll know Zombies are superior :D

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Ah, Definitions...

"The definition of race is, according to google:.."

Is this from Google's 'Bumper Book of Fascinating Facts for Careless Commentards' ?

http://www.google.co.uk/intl/en/landing/BumperBookofFascinatingFacts/

I've looked through it and I can't find it.

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the definition

I searched for it *using* google.

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&source=hp&biw=&bih=&q=define%3Arace&btnG=Google+Search

The actual definition that I quoted was kindly provided by:

http://wordnet.princeton.edu/

specifically, the third definition under "noun", here: http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=race

if you type "define:word" into google it will look up definitions from dictionary sites for you rather than troll infested comment threads mentioning the word.

If you dispute the definition, feel free to look it up in a book.

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WTF?

Gawd

After reading some of the comments here, it feels like someone has eaten my brain

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Happy

Interesting

That none of the security staff had their brains eaten... I'm sure that says something about them. Maybe they have fallen into the Homer Simpson realm of "no brains".

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Anonymous Coward

Better to be turned away from a bar...

than decapitated with a shovel.

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Students

Is this now an official pastime for those wishing to avoid work for 4 years after leaving school?

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Grenade

Title?

I prefer the term Feral Ghoul. 200 years of living in an irradiated Vault and sealed-in by an uncaring Overseer will do that!

Just wait until one of those wasteland heroes turns up...

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Obligatory XKCD reference:

http://xkcd.com/397/

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Joke

If it'd been U.S., invoke ADA

"people are not born Zombies but made into them by an infection of some kind"

If that had happened in the U.S., the students might've got better traction if they'd invoked the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) instead of claiming racism.

Zombies could be considered to be "disabled" due to no fault of their own, thus eligible for ADA protection... you know, the shambling and lack of physical coordination and all that.

(Yes, in fact, the writer of this post *is* disabled - although not a zombie - which allows a bit of leeway in making jokes about such things. We should always be able to laugh at ourselves, although it's not quite as much fun when others do it.)

</political uncorrectness>

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Dead Vulture

zombie deisnged vote button?

Presumably it was a zombie that designed the voting buttons on this site - it shouldn't have to go to another page to register the vote!!!!

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Badgers

I raised this issue with my team leader...

....and although the company is sympathetic to the needs of Zombies, our EHS policy does not lend itself to direct employment of Zombies in Laboratory and I.T areas. This is especially the case when providing safety cover for out of hours emergency work.

So, apart from Management/Administrative roles, Zombies are confined to Customer service and Sales/Marketing roles.

Badgers, because , due to a typo, HR recruited a Security Badger.

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