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back to article Christian group declares jct 9 on M25 cursed

A group of Christian evangelicals has declared junction 9 of the M25 "hexed" and is staging regular prayer meetings to cleanse the benighted interchange. According to the Surrey Advertiser, Gerald Coates of the Pioneer Engage Church in Leatherhead has attributed a rash of accidents and footbridge suicides around the junction to …

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The ironic thing would be if accidents went up as motorists all turned their heads to see what all the fuss at the side of the road was.

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What am I missing here?

Surely the entire M25 has been cursed from day 1?

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Life imitates Pratchett and Gaiman

Although they had it in _Good Omens_ that the *whole* M25 was cursed: specifically that the demon Crowley and arranged for it to form the exact shape of the dread sigil odegra, which in the language of the Black Priesthood of Mu means "all hail the great beast, devourer of worlds".

Makes sense to me.

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unspooled tapes

Evidently the unspooled tapes were all of Queen.

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Jobs Halo

Headline: "Pratchett and Gaiman Vindicated"

Hurrah!!

Personally the only evil spirits I see are driving foreign registered trucks.

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Anonymous Coward

"all hail the great beast, devourer of worlds"

I just had a plate of chips.

It's a start!

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Oh no

Eeeh ba gum, poor 'Queen. ;-)

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Joke

They could be right...

it could be cursed. Have they tried playing any of this unspooled cassette tape?

"Never gonna give you up..."

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Anonymous Coward

Cassette

No, it would have turned into Queen's Greatest Hits...

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Happy

what song was that?

done.

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Good Omens

----

Many phenomena – wars, plagues, sudden audits – have been advanced as evidence for the hidden hand of Satan in the affairs of Man, but whenever students of demonology get together the M25 London orbital motorway is generally agreed to be among the top contenders for Exhibit A.

- from Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

----

... via Wikipedia

IIRC the whole of the M25 was one huge occult symbol that slowly emitted evil as it was traced by the traffic driving along it.

... odds are, this being El Reg, 280 other people will be familiar with Good Omens and there will be 273 posts all but identical to this one.

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Return To Mean?

"I do believe we will see far fewer incidents"

Would that be return to the mean then? If something is at its worst it is likley to get better... no amount of chanting will change this... but Im sure that when it does get better it will have been the almightly sky pixie that did it.

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Yes, it would

Regression to the mean was the first thing to pop into my head too. It usually works a treat in these cases, thereby "proving" the effectiveness of the prayer vigil.

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Gates Horns

Christian group declares jct 9 on M25 cursed

"A group of Christian evangelicals has declared junction 9 of the M25 "hexed" and is staging regular prayer meetings to cleanse the benighted interchange."

0x666?

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title

Looks like Aziraphale and Crowley played around with the route markers.

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WTF?

Have these insane bible-bashers...

...been reminded that this is 2010?

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Coat

Unspooled tapes...

Bet if you played them you would hear Queen...

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Title 2.0

"People were waving and shouting and beeping their horns"

Now *that* bit I believe

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wrong

it's junction 9 on the M1 you fools!

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FAIL

Really?

When did Leatherhead move to the other side of London?

Are you thinking of Luton by any chance?

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A vicious circle?

Christian group makes a scene next to a junction, causing drivers to rubberneck and drive into each other, causing Christian groups to think there is a need for a vigil, which causes drivers to rubberneck and....

How soon till we can send the Darwin awards?

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cor
Terminator

<< (Re)wind up

I would imagine that a VHS video tape would be more convenient as they are much longer.

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Bronze badge

send 'em to France

If they think that any road, any road at all, in Britain has a traffic problem they should see Paris. Or even Marseille. And when they're done with France, they can go to Rome. If they dare. In the unlikely event that they survive Rome, the whole of Montreal is a haven for dark Satanic forces, a.k.a. Quebecois at the wheels of large American cars. They'll never be heard from again. Guaranteed. (Argg. It's almost October. That means that the snowbirds will soon be coming south. Brain-dead Quebecois driving Buicks and Cadillacs. The horror. The horror. The horror.)

Where's the 'fish with legs' icon?

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Pint

Actually driving in Quebec

wouldn't be so bad if you could figure out where and when you are allowed to turn right on the red traffic light. As for old people driving large cars, you are still way more likely to get killed by a young person driving a smaller car here. Those snowbirds as we love to call them don't have the habit of street racing, engaging against the current of traffic or simply to commit suicide by crashing their vehicle. As the the horror, I'm with you on this one: the huge fifty tons American SUV are a real threat (including when they fill-up their gas tank).

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Anonymous Coward

Everyone knows

that the M25 was created by Satan anyway. This is just a logical progression.

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Happy

It was sweet, pure and innocent in the beginning

like me. I can remember as a kid (approx age 10), navigating for my dad to get him to some place the other side of London, bemoaning the lack of a decent orbital road and having to take him through one traffic-choked town after another. When we did finally get there I showed him the route I had had to take him, then traced a rough circle around the edge of London saying something like "There ought to be a motorway all round here, a continuous circle, so it's easy to get past London to reach somewhere the other side.

Just a childish daydream. It was never intended to become the nightmare reality that we know today. The forces of chaos must have looked into my mind, picked up the idea and said something like "Verrrrry interesting. We'll get that built but......."

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Thumb Up

Return to the Mean

"I do believe we will see far fewer incidents" - or, use a statistical phenomonen few people are aware of to make it look like what you're doing is working.

And as we all know, it's not just J9, the whole M25 is in the form of the dark sigil Odegra and is often considered Exhibit A for the existence of Satan!

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Anonymous Coward

Alternative explanation

Junction 9 on the M25 is also just about far enough from the Channel Tunnel for Continental lorry drivers to start falling asleep.

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Badgers

Aziraphale and Crawley

I think it was in Good Omens that the M25 as a whole was designated a demonic symbol. Not just J9.

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Anonymous Coward

Non-religious eh?

This gathering aims to be "non-religious" according their website. While I applaud the concept, they seem to have completely lost the plot. Hexed land? Cursed cassette tapes? Black apparitions? Sorry, this is all classic religiosity...

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Silver badge

You have got to be kidding ...

"Coates believes the malefactor has been recording evil messages onto cassette tapes which are then unspooled to enclose and hence curse their target areas."

And people actually pay attention to this nutter? I think we've finally found proof that the human race is ultimately doomed to extinction ...

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Unhappy

Sadly,

I'm not surprised that there's such people out there. What I am surprised at is that this nutter is in the UK, not over here in the States.

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Good omens?

People who read too much Terry Pratchett will know the entire M25 is actually a demonic sigil...

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I'm just amazed they've only recognised Jcn 9 as cursed!

Frankly, I'm amazed it's only one junction for Gerald Coates & his lot: me and my church - The Saints of the Potholed Blackstrip (membership conferred automatically by using any British motorway) - condemned the entire road as unholy many years ago.

The Pioneer Engage Church you say? Bleedin' Reformists: miles behind us progressives (probably all stuck in traffic!)

;-)

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Pint

Evil Spirits Infect...

...the designers of roads, not the roads themselves.

We have a similar interchange here in Las Vegas (Eastbound Sahara exit from I15 North.) The local TV chopper guy calls it the Bermuda Triangle; a minimum of three accidents per day.

I have been using the exit for 10 years and still can never figure out which lane to be in. The exit signs with lane designations are not visible untill just a few hundred feet from the commit. Just to add an additional risk factor, the express lane ends a few miles before, requiring that drivers negotiate crossing 5 lanes to make the ramp.

Add a tier of tired tourists trekking up from California and you have a Devil's cauldron of trouble.

And, as an afterthought, wouldn't a passel of preachy pretenders distract drivers even more?

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High strees life of a city gardener

"gardeners visiting the Royal Horticultural Society gardens at Wisley"

Are they particularly prone to suicide?

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Dead Vulture

Seriously?

This is just mocking the afflicted.

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Happy

Thank you.

I was wondering what the basis of this story was.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/anfield-built-on-indian-burial-ground-201009273120/

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Flame

OMG

Cassette tapes? Unspooled cassette tapes? Hex? Surrey? Stockbrokers?

Now, I must admit, you do very occasionally do still see an unspooled cassette tape laying around in odd places like canal footpaths, back alleys and railway sidings but its nowhere near as often as you used to. However I've never thought of it as a sign of evil, more a sign of bored children destroying their parents '80s mix tapes for a laugh!

Oh and I'm sure the evil spirits used to use mini-disc too! Actually, some used to use DAT tapes too as it gave better fidelity evilness before CDRs and Mini-discs came along!

I live in Surrey, and I still have loads of cassettes! Hence the flame icon!

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Silver badge

And the cars that still have tape players...

...probably jam, causing the driver to look down at the player and not see the car he is about to hit.

And as he gets out the car, he throws out the remains of the chewed tape at the side of the road.

Maybe junction 9 is one where you are most likely to get standing traffic without much advanced warning.

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FAIL

And there's the rub

If the place really has been taken over by dark forces, then why doesn't God fix it? Why do the evangelicals nutters need to get involved?

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I do believe

the M25 is already sung about as "the road to hell"

perhaps we could line xtians up along its entirely length whispering their sweet nothings to their sweet nothing as motorists drive happily (gayly?) around it

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Grenade

Christians

They've been promoting myths, superstition and irrational behaviour for over 2000 years, so who are we to argue with them?

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Happy

People were supportive...

"People were waving and shouting and beeping their horns, the whole atmosphere was great."

Omid Djalili (Holding up a queue of traffic): "Honk if you want cheaper car insurance"...

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Anonymous Coward

DRM encumbered mp3 naturally

DRM = Dark RealM

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WTF?

Let me be the first to say-

*smirk* 'titter'

Is this not the Century of the Fruitbat? Cassettes?!?

*pfft*

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Flame

Good Omens?

Everyone knows the M25 describes the dread sigil Odegra. But using cassette tapes to spread satan's message is futile as even the devil himself cannot stop Queen's Greatest Hits from overwriting the contents.

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Coat

"People were waving and shouting"

He concluded by saying, "I don't know why they were shouting 'Cults' at us though"

Yup, that's mine, the one that's going straight the Hell...

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Jobs Horns

Good Omens (Neil Gaiman / Terry Pratchett)

Chapter 1 reveals the Dark Secret behind the M25. Looks like the evanjellybaby mob has been confusing this with Holy Writ, or possibly the "Left Behind" series.

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