Hampshire Police have blamed dodgy software for an e-fit image of a burglary suspect with suspiciously salady hair. The man is accused of nabbing £60 from an elderly victim in Stockbridge. He was described as between 40 and 45 years old, with a round, clean-shaven face and hair fashioned entirely from lettuce leaves large round …
May I be the first to say ...
That pic is obviously 'shopped ... Maybe Plod should learn to use gimp?
Yes, it's an e-fit, not a photograph. That's how they work.
This is why,
El Reg implimented the "Joke Alert" icon. You will need to use it in future, Jake, as some people genuinely need the extra hint.
I don't do icons. Icons are for AOLers. If any given reader doesn't "get" the humor, they generally add to it. Win-win, no?
Well ... To be sure, I use the beer icon occasionally, but that's about it.
This round's on me :-)
When apprehended, the salad said
His human rights had been violated as he was portrayed as a vegetable and was not given a normal dose of dressing. Accordingly he has been released, where subsequntly he was consumed by a member of PETA.
Colour blind witness?
Did they not maybe figure that the reason the hair was green was because the witness saw it as NOT green due to colour blindness?
I wonder if she was just trying to say he had cauliflower ears...
Have the Police made enquiries at El Reg's offices?
It could be John Lettice...
Salad days for Hamphire force
Quick - tell the Peelers!
As the Webb closes in, this could just be the tip of the Iceberg!
Lost in translation?
Maybe she meant that he had cauliflower ears.
Troll, because I'd like to see what the photo-ma-tron would do with it (I'm guessing, a beetroot).
One thinks of Brendan Behan's description, in _Borstal Boy_ of a fellow lag as "not as green as he was cabbage-looking".
Police want to question him about a jewellery theft...
After a collection of little gems was reported stolen.
This is ...
... a Little Gem of a story.
It's Keith Flint from the Prodigy
Is it just me, or does that image appear to be Ben Goldacre (if you ignore the hair colour)?
WANTED - THE CABBAGE PATCH KID
Don't let his cute smile fool you, this guy is ruthless and will go to any lengths to obtain slug pellets.
Hopefully when they catch him he'll turn over a new leaf.
I'd better lay low for a while
"E-Fit of suspect having recently spent long periods of time in a highly chlorinated swimming pool"
I was waiting...
Haha, as soon as I saw this on TV, I was just waiting for El Reg to pick it up. Knew you wouldn't let me down.
Keith Flint from The Prodigy?
Or his dad....
Icon because apparently he is something of a fire starter....
This should have been written by John Lettice, obviously.
The one with the salad cream stains, thanks..
They should be looking in the nearest...
salad bar. Given this efit, though, he may choose to disguise himself as a meatball here onwards.
Hey – It's the KING of the mercy f**k!
"Why won't you let me forget that I have a CABBAGE FOR A HEAD?!?"
Could also be
Could also be a laptop screen with the colour settings messed with or maybe broken. That green may of looked grey-ish or some other colour.
Either that or he's related to Sideshow Mel from the Simpsons.
Title? I don't need no stinkin' title
Maybe he's scarpered to a Greek Island.
Like Kos maybe...
I think the crazy hair actually manages to distract from the imperfections in the face, making it seem (bizarrely) *more* human than it would with normal efit hair....
Perhaps the software upgrade will involve pencil and paper.
someone had put a rocket under the artist...
"We would never release an e-fit a victim disagreed with"
So the victim agreed with this picture, or they wouldn't have released it.
Therefore it must be an accurate picture of the attacker.
Better keep an eye out.
That's Jamie Oliver, isn't it?
Jimmy White. Whatever hair you put on him.
Is it any
fucking wonder the police have been experiencing an all time low in terms of crime solving, public respect etc etc.
Hopefully the forthcoming cuts will re-energise their vigour and help off load some of the pointless waste of wages. Start with those "special" cuntstables (sic). Utter waste of money.
Special PC's are worth every penny that we pay them.
which seeing as they are volunteers working for free is not a lot. I think you meant that PCSO's are a waste of skin/ oxygen etc. Though given the woefully dim ordinary PC's that I've met maybe not.......
It's Lenny the Lettuce,
one of the Jasper Carrot Gang.
Rural Crime .....
... is sadly on the increase, and stories like this just represent the tip of the iceberg.
...that the bugs are soon eliminated.
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