What's wrong with:

Your data is yours to keep, anything you happen to tell the internet is ours to do with as we see fit.

Is that not transparent and simple enough?

Translation...

"To be clear, we aren't changing any of our privacy practices; we want to make our policies more transparent and understandable."

This is translated to mean...

Hi, this is Google, your friendly neighborhood 'chocolate factory'.

We just want to remind you that anything you do online which comes across one of our sites/services and/or our 'partner sites' is now the property of Google and we have the right to do whatever we want to do with information about you and your online activities.

We wanted to make it perfectly clear that we own the internet and your viewing/use of said internet. We say that we're doing this to enhance your online experience, but in short, the truth is that we make money by destroying your privacy, with your permission, so that we can charge outrageous amount of money to advertisers and people who want to know your surfing habits.

We want to make it perfectly clear that we're too big to prosecute and too big to fail because if we did, the internet will come crashing down. We after all own 1/3rd of the internet....

Thank you and have a nice day!