heh
she needs to do something with that face, she looks like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle
Paris Hilton tweets armed intruder drama
Paris Hilton entertained her 2,520,223 Twitter followers yesterday with a quick tweet revealing that some bloke had just tried to enter her Hollywood Hills pad armed with "knifes". The patron saint of El Reg's space plane mission wrote: "So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes. …
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Bootnote
"Anyone who comments that they'd be delighted to give our Paris a facial will be banned from The Register for the statutory one month."
It's weird, it's almost worth it and was honestly the only reason I clicked on the article. Sigh, I'll let it pass then.
Re: Bootnote
But I was so looking forward to fifty of you all making the same utterly lame and entirely predictable comment... I guess I'll just have to see how you cleverly circumvent the rules!
That is my best kind of fun.
By the way,
Why didn't you report the story I gave you about PH being sued for $35 for wearing the wrong hair extensions?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/10951105
For small values of fun ...
"all making the same utterly lame and entirely predictable comment"
Then why give the bint any press to begin with? Even her Grandfather disinherited her ...
@Sarah
You never said anything about other kinds of gifts such as pearl necklaces. Not that I'd be delighted to give her one of those.
@Sarah B
>>"That is my best kind of fun."
Having rad that, *I* nd a nw kyboard.
This on is gtting unrliabl du to an xcss of tars.
Man Arrested Outside Paris Hilton’s Home; Paris Is Fine, Man Placed on High-Dosage Antibiotics
Man Arrested Outside Paris Hilton’s Home; Paris Is Fine, but Man Placed on High-Dosage Antibiotics as Precaution
FUNNY
http://www.dailygoat.com/?p=2904
Circumvent what rules?
:) I believe you said "...to give our Paris a facial..."? I really do support protective stance but still... Who would be delighted to give a facial to a Paper Aircraft that is about to be Released Into Space? :)
Facial...
I was just wondering if the Kate Somerville Spa was looking for any new employees?
love that description
I gotta stop reading and ROFL'ing @ Reg comments at my work desk - its not doing my performance reviews any good at all. That one is going in my BOFH book of retorts
Re: love that description
I believe 'bulldog licking piss off a nettle' first appeared in Charles Dickens' little-known first novel.
Nearly
It was actually from his slightly better known second novel "Carriagespotting."
Correction, if you will, Jimmy boy...
I believe the phrase you were looking for was :-
A face like a Bulldog chewing a wasp!
At least around these here parts. ^_^
Re: Correction, if you will, Jimmy boy...
You can use either, but you probably shouldn't, since they are excruciatingly hackneyed and in this case, inaccurate.
I think she looks more like a stoned cyborg most of the time. But not in a bad way.
@AC 10:10
>>"Moisturising is a good idea"
Indeed.
And if you didn't want a you-know-what, you could always soothing tired digits with a little:
http://www.aveda.co.uk/templates/products2/spp.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CAT8129&PRODUCT_ID=PROD76203 (SFW)
Or maybe even splash out and do both?
Give a facial.
Sorry, only Kate's Serum on my face today.
I was going to suggest...
I was going to suggest that I could adjust her spine into a number of different angles!
OK, no 'facial' jokes...
"got adjusted by my chiropractor"
Yeah, I'd adjust her spine anyday!
...no, just dosent have the same comedy value as the 'facial' avenue of smut. If anthing that just makes me sound more creepy than the attacker.
Re: OK, no 'facial' jokes...
"that just makes me sound more creepy than the attacker."
Yeah, you didn't help yourself with the phrase "facial avenue of smut".
Just picturing what form that might take makes me need a bath!
What a tw?t!
Is wanting to be in a bukake shoot with Ms. Hilton okay? Actually, it's not something that particularly appeals to me unless she was bound and gagged at the time. Even then she doesn't really float my boat. Wonder if there is a Japanese word for that?
Diddum's place got broken into! But it's okay as the place is surrounded by police all sniffing her tweets and who don't need to wait for the 911 call to burst in and use minimum force to restrain aforementioned miscreant who's going down and will serve out his full sentence.
Fortunately, dear Paris is survived the ordeal and is still able to be a full member of society: spend oodles of unearned cash on items of questionable value. Maybe the police should consider chiropractors and wellness spas for all victims of potentially violent crime?
As opposed to
leaving it in the bank, making it utterly useless as a form of tax revenue or job creation?
And the questionable value thing's even better- she'll shoot through her money quickly replacing it, meaning everyone else pays just a tiny bit less, proportionally, than they would in your boring world. A lot less, in fact, when you realise that a lot of the world's jobs are of "questionable value" in that they serve little long term purpose and could be automated out of existence given about 10 minutes and some Excel macros, and if no-one spent money of them there'd be mass unemployment and a huge drain on society.
So lighten up.
Fnarr
<quote>Just went and got adjusted by my chiropractor</quote>
Doesn't she mean 'Just went and got "adjusted" by my chiropractor' ?
I'd quite happily give her an internal rearrangement.
I know, I know, I'm leaving. At least I didn't go for the facial gag.
Can you get that on the NHS
"adjusted by my chiropractor"? I bet she was.
tenuously a euphemism?
Maybe she'd like some colonic irrigation?
I think I'll go anon on this and preserve my dignity :/
Awww
Poor bloke, perhaps he should try bringing some knives next time or even a gun.
Not her scariest tweet yesterday
I direct your attention to "In the studio working on music. :)". Yikes!
Eh?
No comments about her chiropractor looking after her from behind?
Wow...
...Paris Hilton has an old sofa in her back garden She REALLY IS white trash.
(And that's why we LUUUUUUURVE her.)
My mate, Fluffykins, said to me
He'd like to give Paris a facial.
Can he be banned by proxy?
Re: My mate, Fluffykins, said to me
I see what you did there, 'AC'. You're banned. And for that comment your mate made, he is also banned. You're banned for this month - 'he' is banned for next month. There's only room in the cell for one, see.
Hear that people...
... the cell is full for the next 2 months, let the facial gags flood forthwith.
(Please note the joke icon, I don't want to get banned for inciting a verbal smut riot)
Look at me I'm being clever on the internet
Is it ok if I'd like Paris to give me a facial?
@Iron Oxide
>>"Is it ok if I'd like Paris to give me a facial?"
That depends where you are.
Some places in Germany, it might even be considered mainstream.
Er...
That subtitle... is that the plot of some flick you guys found online, by any chance?
it's about time...
We got some more Playmobil recreations.
Ages since the last one and it's far easier than reading.
Dear Paris
You silly girl. It was dark so you mistook what your aggressor was holding. It wasn't a knife he was holding you silly b*tch, it was a chopper.
But I DID gave Paris Hilton a facial today
..just before her swing over to the studio. I am Randolfo, Miss Paris' chief dermo-technician.
Today she was a little, how do you say, corneo ? but she only wanted her eye-brows waxed. I
was a little clumsy with the wax. so sorry Signora..
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