Feeds

back to article HEY ARSEHOLE: STOP SENDING ME ANGRY EMAILS

Been a while since I received an ANGRY EMAIL – and been never since I sent one in return. I do my SHOUTING in person. My advice to ANGRY EMAILERS is this: don’t write drunk, arsehole. But if you must, and you lack all self control, check out this anger-o-meter. It may save you from shame, lost friends, lost jobs and found …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.
Pint

Very nice, but

do they have a version that ramps up the anger in your emails to TOTAL SPIT SPRAYING PSYCHO level?

That would be really neat.

2
0

I'll help

I'll do it for a few quid. I bet a few other fellow commentards would, too. Just check our posting histories for references.

PS WHY IS THIS STORY IN REGHARDWARE? IT'S GOT JACK TURD TO DO WITH HARDWARE YOU HALF-WITTED ASSCLOWN. GOD THIS SITE SUCKS. UTTER SHITE, REG!

10
0
Silver badge

Why in Hardware?

Because there is no such thing as software. So-called software is merely the current state of the hardware.

0
0
Happy

Problems

Too much punctuation and reasonable grammar to be a proper flame. Better luck next time :)

0
0

Its a well known fact that ...

... the nastier you are the better response you get. One paragraph of invective often gets a better response than a full page of softly softly. Just saying.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

re: One paragraph of invective often gets a better response

I find being polite but forceful (not to be confused with rude/aggressive) - laying out case and what I want them to do gets the best results.

I have watched people get "aggressive" with sales staff and think they get a good deal out of it - but they aren't usually bright enough to do the sums which show the staff rip them off with while seeming to capitulate

1
0
h 6
Dead Vulture

I will NEVER

I will NEVER Red El Reg AGAIN after being SO INSULTED by that article. Who do you think your readers are?!!! Are you TRYING to drive them off? Do you even WANT any readers?

0
0
Thumb Up

You are...

Father Jack Hackett and I claim my 5 GBP

1
0
Silver badge
Coat

Ah, no.

Father Jack never bothered with the -HOLE, preferring to pepper in FECK, GIRLS, and DRINK instead.

Besides, the prize for finding Jack is a bottle of premium aged window cleaner.

2
0
Bronze badge
Happy

Unintended side effects

I don't think this is the first such system. We had something similar at a place I once worked at, which gave you a score of 1 to 5 on how offensive an email was before giving you the option to send or retract it.

Rather predictably in a standard UK office environment, within 5 minutes this deteriorated into a contest to see who could send the most offensive email and hit the magic top score.

4
0
FAIL

It didn't pick up this but most humans will

I know where your children go to school.

2
0
FAIL

WTF?!?

FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! You didn't tell what you scored for your article! LOOOOOSER!!!

1
0
Coat

testes

is this a test of our responses to the recently reiterated forum guidelines?..

1
0
FAIL

Not new

Didn't Eudora do this ages ago?

0
0
Gold badge

Meh

You missed the rather obvious point that Eudora users need ALL THE HELP THEY CAN GET...

1
0
Anonymous Coward

CRY ME A RIVER EMO KID

What, you're saying the outhouse lusers don't need help? Or that they're beyond help? Oh well, carry on then.

3
0
Unhappy

"You smell and you have no friends."

*sniffle* =.(

2
0
Thumb Up

Can we please...

see the offending email?

1
0

CUNTS

that's all i HAVE to SAY

1
0
(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: CUNTS

You had to go and cross that line, didn't you.

Bad dog, get back to your kennel.

3
0
Flame

Re: CUNTS

BUCKETCUNTS!!!

0
0
(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: Re: CUNTS

I think we shall leave it at that, shall we.

Blackworx, wash your mouth out with soap, preferably carbolic.

1
0
Black Helicopters

OK. Nazi's...

....Hitler youth, death camps (blah, blah, blah). Is that a good ending to an argument?

0
0

in that case

And remember... always have Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent

woof

0
0
Silver badge
Pint

Sarah Bee?

Is she going to licence the code for the forums?

0
0
(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: Sarah Bee?

For a commentard that's not a bad idea.

Mind you, that would be the end of the forums.

0
0
Boffin

RE: Re: Sarah Bee?

It wouldn't be the "end" of the forums, it would just mean that those who haven't got the ability to write a cohesive argument wouldn't be able to post.

Posts like "MS software sucks bollox" would be blocked (even though it's true). It would certainly keep the flame-wars down.

0
0
Pint

or..

Anyone know of the app that was mentioned on QI that forces you to solve a maths problem before you can send you email - as a drunken rant preventer.

BOOTNOTE: Drew, how many emails did this person send? Enough, it seems, to get your kitty cat claws out and hackles up.

1
0
Gold badge
Coat

@ mafoo

Is there a recipient version? It would send the email back to the sender with an attached maths / science problem. If they are unable to solve the problem, then their email is not delivered.

I have precious little time already without stupid people using some of it.

Oh what am I doing here? Trying to distract myself before I go completely nuts. OK I'll go...

0
0

Google...

Gmail has that as a labs feature you can turn on.

0
0
Heart

maybe you should...

...Learn how to spell 'asshole', you wretched, spineless, twat-cobbling, cock-chugging motherfuckers!

1
0
Headmaster

RE: maybe you should...

What's an "asshole"? A hole that a donkey or mule lives in?

(Dumb American's, they can't even swear properly and yet they think they've got some divine right to tell everyone else what to do and be the world's police).

1
0
Heart

This thread

Could well become the antithesis of Monday's measured, nicey nicey, ARSEHOLEY, polite discussion about the ARSEHOLING comment guidelines.

0
0
Silver badge
Coat

"You smell and you have no friends."

I blame it on my neighbor who's a real prick and hangs around with a couple of nuts.

2
0
Flame

Hopefully

this will help to generate some higher quality FOTWs.

The last few have been substantially lacking in unreasoned screaming.

Maybe some flamres will use this and realise that they are not using enough unsubstantiated invective.

1
0
Flame

Threat Level 3

My 5 year old copy of Eudora 7 does this for free. And it rates the emails with chili peppers. I think the worst I ever got was 3 chilis for a REMOVE I sent. It seemed to do a fairly good analysis because there was minimal cursing, mainly threats of reporting to Spamcop and the FTC.

1
0
Go

Never Say or Write Anything ...

... you wouldn't want your momma (mum to you Brits) to hear or read.

That being said, if I send an angry, pissed off email you better believe I want it to be taken that way. Being a retired old curmudgeon and decades old flamer, I have no problem in burning certain bridges and in fact get great pleasure from it. May do the situation absolutely no good except that at least one worthless individual knows he's been tagged. You just have to know when it's best to remain silent and then do so. The rest are fair game and for me it's open frakkin' season on the idiots of the world.

2
0
Gold badge
Thumb Up

@Doug Glass

"... you wouldn't want your momma (mum to you Brits) to hear or read."

Or a dozen or so complete strangers who know (or can find out) *exactly* who you are.

At least one set of operators know *exactly* who you are.

0
0
Gold badge
Thumb Up

Am I alone in thinking

Those *most* in need will be those *least* likely to use?

Otherwise I applaud the *ideal*. The Net can always do with more Henry Spencer and less Brad Guth.*

*IMHO of course. I wouldn't want to offend anyone.

0
0
Silver badge

After receiving a bad score....

People will reword their email to get a better score. Using @$$H0L3 for example is sure improve your score over the standard spelling.

1
0
Silver badge
Coat

Donkey or bottom?

I prefer 'Arse' to 'Ass' --

Arsehole has a better ring to it

0
0

Quite

And has the added bonus that it doesn't conjure up the image of a donkey's sphincter.

1
0
Alert

RE: Donkey or bottom?

"I prefer 'Arse' to 'Ass' --

Arsehole has a better ring to it"

Those stupid Americans can't spell for toffee. Someone tried to make it easier for them by taking letters out of words (eg "Armour" has no "u" in America)

Unfortunately, when the letters were removed and juggled around, so was the common sense. I mean "ass" - that's a fecking donkey and we all know it. Except Americans who think it's a bottom.

0
0
Silver badge

@AC 11:12

"I mean "ass" - that's a fecking donkey and we all know it. Except Americans who think it's a bottom."

Except Bottom *was* an ass ... for a reason. I guess in your mind, the Bard of Avon couldn't write worth a shit?

And that word, it's more properly spleled "fucking". HTH :-)

0
0

This post has been deleted by its author

Pint

look what i found

hehe, just saw this safari extension:

http://www.apfelquak.de/2010/07/15/safari-extension-someone-is-wrong-on-the-internet/

locks comment fields on websites

enjoy

0
0
This topic is closed for new posts.