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back to article Fanbois love sex toys: Official

UK smut accessorymonger LoveHoney (NSFW) has confirmed what the fanbois out there knew all along: when they're not polishing their iPads, worshippers at the altar of Jobs are likely to be lovingly fondling other toys, with explosive results. LoveHoney deployed Google Analytics to demonstrate that "iPad users have the highest …

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Paris Hilton

Damm So its the phone!!!!!

And here was me thinking I had done something to deserver all the treats she bought for us to try out.

Paris......lets face it.

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FAIL

Dare I suggest that...

...Apple users spend more on sex toys because Apple users have more disposable income?

AC to avoid the wrath of the fanboi brigade.

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Go

Maybe, Maybe Not

But if they do it's for a variety of reasons not the least of which are: mommy provides a large allowance, they have a better paying job, or maybe because they have nobody other than themselves to spend it on.

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Bronze badge
Joke

Not forgetting

Living in your parents basement gives you more disposable income

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Grenade

The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

Only if they let you out to work

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Anonymous Coward

eh?

I think you've got them mixed up with Android fanbois.

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Happy

Sod the title

My wife and I use Macs at home, and I have an iPhone. We also have a very happy marriage, due in no small part to not having to spend our lives installing Windoze updates and fighting recalcitrant PCs. Maybe we have more time to spend playing with our toys than others?

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Happy

Maybe so, but...

...it appears that the Reg staff - or at least the esteemed Mr Haines - is not only very conversant with "smut accessorymonger(s)", but also smut accessories; at least in sufficient detail to select and propose specific items...

I knew the anti-Apple invective of the BallmerJugend would make them go blind/hair fall out (or at least stop being curly). or maybe their fingers will be permanently stuck to the keyboard...

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Ranking

> Linux users rank in the sex toy league table

They have a whole swarm available.. All of them free. None of them documented. Installation requires a long courtship that involves arcane commands and rituals. They have user interfaces as ugly as T***e *h**y on a bad day and require constant maintenance. But worst of all, none of them do what people actually want. Since the authors could not decide what the things should do, (having exactly zero real-world experience between them) they dropped in every single possible option their hours spent watching movies gave them, but with no sensible defaults.

Finally they gave their toys cutesy but wholly uninformative names, that no business person could ever put on a purchase order without losing all their credibility, and which change with each new release (that is almost identical to the one before, but oddly incompatible with it) and then sat around wondering why nobody wanted to use them.

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Linux Toys

I wanted to mention "The Gimp."

That is all.

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Linux

Linux?

who | grep -i blondie | talk; gawk; nice; date; cd ~; wine; talk; grep; touch; unzip; touch; strip; gasp; finger; gasp; mount; fsck; more; yes; fsck; gasp; umount; make clean; make mrproper; sleep

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Anonymous Coward

Linux users

Are too busy configuring their machines to do anything else so rank bottom.

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Go

"Configuring Their Machines"

Is that what they call it nowdays? Why does the term "wanker" come to mind? And how many times do they have to configure/reconfigure to get it right?

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FAIL

wanker?

No, windows users were already mentioned.

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Don't be daft...

You "configure" "the machine" every time you feel you want to. At least you don't have some dozy bunch of twits in Redmond or Cupertino dictating to you how it must be done.

Getting it "right" isn't the point, sometimes.

What is "right" anyways?

Getting it exactly (or close to) the way you want it one day and finding out the next day you want it the other way and having the capability to change?

The journey is the reward. (Wow, I wonder who has a book with that title...)

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Joke

Linux users shop elsewhere

Their unusual/eclectic/sado-masochistic tendencies force them to places like stockroom.com and marquis.de ;)

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Coat

Really?

Only ~£59????

Wifey and I usually spend well over £80 when we increase our collection of stuff. Neither of us own any iThingies (apart from an adult, non apple iToy!).

Could it be that we have the extra money to spend cos we have blown our load on an iTampon?

Mind you, guess it could just be us.

Mines the one with the fixings for a swing in the pocket

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Duh

So early adopters of high-cost devices also spend more money than the average user on other stuff?

You guys really will print any press release with a funny slant.

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Shafted

Getting shafted by Apple obviously isn't enough for them

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Anonymous Coward

HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHA proof if it were needed that fanbois are all wankers HAHAHAHA LOOK I DUN A FUNNY

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: HAHAHAHA

Heh.

I'd offer you a bun, Dave, but I fear you would wait until it went stale and then bludgeon a horse to death with it.

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Rob
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Coat

I'll have it...

... never one to see a good cake/bun product go to waste.

Stick it in the pocket on my way out, cheers.

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Happy

Ha!

When I made this same bad joke the other day here (on the comments for the news piece about Digital Playground), it got rejected by a moderator. I guess that one fell in the hands of a fanboi moderator...

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Joke

Ahhhhh

So we know this AC is called Dave. Sarah, you're guilty of leaking information! Quick, phone the Data Protection Registrar.

I think we often forget that the moderators can see the real usernames (and mail addresses) of all of the contributors. So much power for blackmail.......

Damn, think I've just shot myself in the foot. Quick, what past comments have I made as an AC?

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Coffee/keyboard

ROFL

New keyboard now please

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Flame

So it's offical then

Appletards are a bunch of tossers.

Well some had to say it.

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Try again...

"LoveHoney director Richard Longhurst opined: 'Apple users might spend more than Windows users because they’re sexually more confident and are more adventurous in the bedroom.'"

Or perhaps, given the relative prices of Apple and non-Apple computers and devices, perhaps they have (on average) more disposable income. That theory seems far more defensible to me, what do you all think?

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well since they have...

taken it up the khyber from Steve Jobs why stop there!

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Heart

I wonder...

This has of course nothing to do with the fact that Apple buyers have more disposable income to buy toys.

Linux users know very well that similar results can be obtained for free.

Windows user being either confused or forced to use such thing.

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PCinteruptus

Blue Screen of Death for the sexually frustrated.

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Troll

None!

Linux users don't masturbate, since the emissions constitute a closed binary distribution while the sources remain unavailable.

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Linux

unless...

the DNA is released (!) under the GPL- close your eyes and think of RMS

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ermm

Apple users might spend more than Windows users because they’re sexually more confident and are more adventurous in the bedroom.

Or cause they're used to getting shafted ????

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Sexually More Confident

You don't think so just ask them. But look for that decades-old condom imprint in each of their wallets.

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Linux

Secret Diaries and such...

>> Apple users might spend more than Windows users

>> because they’re sexually more confident and are more

>> adventurous in the bedroom.

>

> Or cause they're used to getting shafted ????

>

...or they're just really used to "paying for it".

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Anonymous Coward

So that confirms it

Apple fanbois are a bunch of wankers.

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Heart

But what if?

I prefer to threeway between Linux, Mac and Windows?

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Same here

Win 7 on home pc, Ubuntu on work pc, iPhone (3Gs, I'm not too far gone yet) in pocket. Or... Windows in the bedroom, Linux in the office and Apple when out in public.

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Pint

hmm- may I suggest

Curtains in the bedroom?

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Joke

Surely not

Far be it for me to suggest that the real reason is because when it comes to product purchases, Apple fanbois are far more likely to automatically bend over and take whatever's offered.

;-)

/Joke alert icon just edges Paris out of the way.

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Thumb Up

Now *that* ...

... made me laugh out loud. I almost had a little toilet moment.

There are so many replies bursting out of my head at the moment that I shall have to sit in a darkened room to collect my thoughts and then I may manage to post something of (dubious) value.

Anal ytics - gotta love 'em.

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Paris Hilton

Cashtastic

Surely iPad purchasers have already proven that have lots of money lying around spare to spend on, ah, fruity gadgets? :)

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Coat

Re: Linux users

Easy explanation: Linux users are known for seeking the free alternative.

Hands are free. Toys cost money!

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Joke

Linux users

Get all their toys for free.

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Linux users

buy inflatable beards, Shirley?

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Alert

Well ...

As a Linux user, the bag of kink besides my bed is a testimony to the fact that open source software users neither feel the need to use brand name products or the need to spend vast amounts on equipment when there are many common (and uncommon) items that perform the same function as well as (or better than) the kind of gear that the lazy or unimaginative would resort to buying.

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Jobs Horns

a

Or more likely it's that Mac users will always go for a higher priced (but identical) item because they buy stuff to look good rather than for functionality. I bet they are all buying FCUK branded condoms and the like :P

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This post has been deleted by its author

Jobs Horns

What this proves....

Is that a knob who has got £600 to spend on a fondle slab also has surplus money to splash out on (excuse me) solo masturbatory devices.

So in my mind at least, iPad owners are even bigger wankers than I thought they were.

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Umm noooooo

Surely it means Mac users have more disposable in... Oh, someone said that already.

Hah, I guess fabois are all a bunch of wa... buggerit.

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