back to article Native Oz ducks being raped to extinction

Oz's native Pacific black ducks are apparently at serious risk of extinction, thanks to unwanted sexual advances by feral domestic mallards. According to Victoria University research fellow Dr Patrick-Jean Guay, the "rape" of the Lucky Country's black ducks by "big, sexually aggressive" mallards is threatening the genetic purity …

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Anonymous Coward

And just what the heck...

...do they plan to do about it? Revoke the Mallard's pilots licences?

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Happy

Hillarious!

Even before I read the article body I was laughing out loud!

You guys should write a guest column for The Daily Mash or The Onion

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WTF?

Duck rape

Man, I've watched those mallards going for it on several occasions, it's brutal. Not getting my bread anymore, thats for sure.

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Steven Conroy: Official position...

Have you seen how many pictures there are of naked ducks on the internet? It's clearly behind this heinous spate of duck rapes. Ban it. Ban it I say! Won't someone think of the ducklings?!

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Anonymous Coward

That's just what Hitler would say

So interbreeding is a thread to the genetic purity of the species? They should organise squads to go and round up the genetically impure ones, and confine them to special camps before deportation. Unless someone comes up with a more Final Solution.

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Coat

Final solution

Canard a l'orange? Magrette de canard?

Delicious! And kills two bird with one stone, so to speak.

Ok, Ok, mine's the one with Larousse Gastronomique in the pocket

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FAIL

How Do you Spell it ?

Aryan Ducks ?

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Heart

fducks

Fucking ducks man

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Stop

hmmmm

This sounds like duck eugenics to me.

Imagine if we applied the same to humans...no wait people already have and look where that ended up.

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Go

Female plumbing not devious enough perhaps?

Female mallards are fitted with confusing plumbing to confound the eager males...

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn11764-female-ducks-fight-back-against-raping-males.html

Maybe Pacific ducks are just too straight?

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Maybe Pacific ducks are just too straight?

Nah, Just too pacific.

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Bronze badge
Troll

fowl play suspected?

Are they sure it's not aussies in duck costumes - remember what happened to the sheep?

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Silver badge
Grenade

Genetic purity?

Duck Nazis.

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Anonymous Coward

it's an emergency!!

Holy crap! Ducks mating. Genome evolving. We must prevent this travesty occurring at all costs! After we're done there, let's stop the tide coming in. Bunch of Knuts.

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Anonymous Coward

So, Pacific ducks are "genetically pure" ?

Is that like royalty ?

So they're all inbred half-brains, then ?

Mallerds. Preserving Pacific ducks from hemophilia.

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Troll

It is instructive...

... to see Nature Conservation activists so much at odds with nature doing what comes naturally...

It used to be the Puritains who were anxious that no one anywhere should be suspected of having a good time. I see that this particular religious quirk hs now well established amongst the bearded and open-toe sandaled amongst us.

I presume they gained some satisfaction from making these observations? And isn't that illegal under the 2003 'Having sex in a non-prescribed manner' Act? I think the Bestiality Squad should be called in here...

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Coat

Don't be racist you drongo's

We must celebrate the Duck-versity!

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Re: it's an emergency

Yes raidet, it is an emergency. Because if evolution, or indeed any other natural force continues to shape this planet, then it is some how our fault, and we should expend any and all possible resources to stop the laws of nature, ASAP.

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Anonymous Coward

Penis size and loss of biodiversity

The problem is loss of biodiversity. And it's caused in this case by people bringing foreign species to other continents.

It's not that hard to understand if you try.

By the way, did you know that ducks have the longest penis relative to body size of any vertebrate and that the duck's penis evolved specifically in order to facilitate mating with females who don't want to be mated with?

Meanwhile, the question of why humans have the longest penis of any primate awaits a definitive answer. It probably isn't to facilitate raping the planet.

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Nearly a fortnight late!

Because June 5th is Dead Duck Day, the anniversary of the first known observation of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard. Boing Boing had an item about it -

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/06/04/tomorrow-is-dead-duc.html

That should add something to a few Friday afternoons. ;)

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IT Angle

Ducking, the problem

Same problem with Ruddy Ducks here IIRC

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Coat

Well...

Fuck a duck - who would have thought it?

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Joke

I'm counting the days...

Until rabid feminists start protesting the penis size of imported ducks.

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Boffin

Surely they must be the same species?

If they naturally interbreed and produce fertile offspring, surely what one is looking at is two strains (or races) of the same species doing what comes naturally? (Of course, there were once people who thought that there was more than one human species, distinguished by skin colour ... 'nuff said).

Hybrids subjected to natural selection often end up with the strengths of both parent strains and few of the genetic screw-ups of either. This is evolution in action!

Loss of biodiversity? Scientifically, one would have to study whether any genes have been lost from the hybrid population, that were present in the parents. With large populations, this is unlikely.

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Joke

Don't call me Shirley

"If they naturally interbreed and produce fertile offspring..."

Look up "Species problem" with your search engine of choice.

Also, this is good for biodiversity, no? We have mallards, we have Pacific black ducks, and now we have the unholy offspring of their matrimony.

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