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back to article US Navy dolphins, sea lions hunt rogue robo-subs

The US Navy has been forced to unleash a crack force of trained dolphins and sea lions to recapture several underwater robots which went rogue off the coast of Virginia earlier this week. A naval news release said that four REMUS 100 "Swordfish" unmanned underwater vehicles had ceased responding to commands during the joint US/ …

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Machines, pfff.

What we want to see is DOLPHIN COMMANDOS vs SHARKS WITH FRIKKIN' LASERS.

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quote "What we want to see is DOLPHIN COMMANDOS vs SHARKS WITH FRIKKIN' LASERS."

Please, please make it happen!

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Anonymous Coward

By the power of Greyskull, Lewis...

...have you never read Michael Crichton's 'Prey'?

I'd run for the hills but that might not necessarily work if they ever figure out how to evolve each other. eek!

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Joke

navy seals

Trained dolphins and sea lions, but why not use the navy seals too

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Jobs Horns

Fuck the commander.

I find it - I keep it.

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Stop

In an ordinary day....

"The Navy requested that anyone finding one of the torpedo-like droids should call the commander of the US Second Fleet urgently...."

Who is likely to find one of these AWOL beasts? If they have any intelligence at all, they'll hide out in an underwater cave system, or a classic volcano lair. The home/ship/office numbers of the commander of the US Second Fleet should have been published along with this request, if they're serious about this.

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MMS

Marine Mammal Systems? That surely must include at least every member of the USMC and, on a wider interpretation, every sailor, officer and admiral of the US Navy too. Unless they want to claim that the entire US Navy and Marine Corps is staffed by reptilians or amphibians or something...

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Terminator

Don't Ask, Don't Tell...Don't Deactivate Me.

How long before the US Armed Forces grant Conscientious Objector status to robots? So much for a volunteer army...even the droids are deserting.

They'd better not be building Terminators in secret undersea trench hideouts. We'll never see it coming that way...

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Opposed to use of animals in warfare----

Several months ago an orca at Sea World Florida drowned his trainer, a woman, by pulling her pony tail. This was the 2nd training 'accident', I believe. One suspects that the orca was opposed to his training on the grounds that his 'punishment' involved separation from his female performers. I also suspect the orca is smarter than I am. Or maybe you. Do you think he rationalized that he was too valuable to kill so as long as he kept it 'accidental' in appearance he would be able to drown this individual? Wondering further, I ask if the animal made a moral judgment as to what ever task he was being required to perform, whose refusal led to the 'punishment,' or was it just merely separation anxiety?

I notice that the Navy exercises are using dolphins and am wondering further if the point of the exercise is to determine the obedience of the dolphin rather than their ability? In past training the dolphin were found to lark off if they felt like it. Wonder if obedience has improved at school?

Wonder if the women trainers who will work with the orca in the future will wear bobbed hair?

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A. Droid...

...is:

1. Generally human shaped, though Star Wars seems to have changed that.

2. According to Lucasfilm, a trademark.

3. Cuter than a bot.

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Joke

Why don't the US Navy also train seals for this work

Or would that confuse them too much.

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Black Helicopters

security breach?

"The Navy requested that anyone finding one of the torpedo-like droids should call the commander of the US Second Fleet urgently" What Directly? presumably there is a security issue then if you cant speak to anyone else.

"and under no circumstances approach the machine." presumably its a security isssue again rather than a saftey issue, as lewis noted "It is never armed" (unless they have lost some torpedos too... oops.)

anyway to lose one is no biggy, two is unlucky, three is careless, Four is a WTF?

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Grenade

The Navy requested that anyone finding one of the torpedo-like droids should...

attract attention by shouting BANG!, leaping into the air and scattering themselves over a wide area.

If they could also stain the ocean with something red-coloured it would aid in finding them.

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FAIL

I can also see another slight flaw in your plans....

"The Navy requested that anyone finding one of the torpedo-like droids should call the commander of the US Second Fleet urgently"

Does the US list Admirals in the phone book?

"Hello, my name is Gupta, Thank you for calling the US Navy, the sweetest-smelling Navy in the world. Your call is important to us, but all our lines are busy and you have been placed in a queue. Press '1' if you want to report terrrrsssm, Press '2' if you want to declare war, Press '3' if you want to surrender, Press '4' if you would like to speak to an Admiral, Press '5' if you have found unexploded ordnance, Press '6' if US sailors have broken some of your local laws and pissed in the middle of one of your museums...

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Go

Bootnote 2

Navy Marine Mammal Systems are expert in mine detection etc. If they're really smart, they'll recognize the droids as harbingers of their own coming technological unemployment and, in true Luddite fashion, find them and bury them as deep as they can. "Sorry boss, no droids down there - ah, do I get a fish reward anyway?." :)

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