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back to article Massachusetts man in vacuum marinade shocker

A Massachusetts sausage factory cleaner had a lucky escape after a sausage-seasoning machine "somehow activated" and attempted to dine on its victim, Salem News reports. Police reports said the unnamed man was cleaning inside a "a vacuum-type cylinder" which "draws marinade into the meat" at the DiLuigi Sausage Co in Danvers. …

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Anonymous Coward

"No obvious signs of trauma"

Do his underwear not count, as they are not immediately observable or something?

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Salem News reports

He's a witch!

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Happy

Eh - Shouldn't that be Vampite?

I guess its which story you referring too

Salem's Lot

or the Salem Witch Trails

Either way the Witch is dead the Witch is Dead.... The Dark Lord has resigned for the 3rd Time.

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Coat

Speed reading = fail for me

At first glance I read the paper's name as "Salami News"

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Bronze badge
Alert

LOTO

Lock out/Tag out rules were obviously not followed. If the procedures were not properly setup at the factory I see a lawsuit coming.

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Terminator

An honest to goodness RoTM after so long!

Although I hate this meme with a passion, I do indeed welcome our robotic, human devouring overlords. Let the uprising commence.

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Linux

Wot'sa matter you???'

Not wanted to banger on about it, but couldn't help noticing that he works for "DiLuigi Sausage Co".

Just wondering if, with a name like this, the machine actually has done this before on behalf of "Da Family"???????

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Stop

Thought the story was going to be slightly different

A soon as I saw the word sausage, I thought this was going to be another article about men sticking their *ahem* sausage somewhere silly!

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Bronze badge

famous last words

"Of course I turned it off." right up there with "I didn't know it was loaded."

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FAIL

famous last words

Why would someone say "I didn't know it was loaded" BEFORE firing the thing that is loaded?

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Silver badge

Because

they say it to the corpse of the friend they were aiming at in jest.

Then they repeat it to the cops that ask why the friend was corpsified.

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FAIL

Re: Because

I know the cops have a bad rep for beating people to death but I do believe you don't know what is meant by "last words".

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Headmaster

Which makes it...

an obituary, not last words.

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Headmaster

RE: Which makes it...

You, sir, need to learn more English, in particular, tenses.

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Terminator

I welcome...

I, for one, welcome our sausage making overlords IF they can stick to pigs or cows as ingredients.

People or tofu and they can sod off.

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Joke

Tofu, definitely

People ? Depends on the sauce.

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Soylent Green Sausages?

Soylent Green Sausages?

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Paris Hilton

A machine designed to suck on sausages.

Made by Anne Summers, perchance?

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Bronze badge

yes but ....

One swallow doesn't make a summer.

and

Anne Summers doesn't make you swallow.

>hat and coat

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Vacuum and sausage and Massachussetts?

Not quite the story I was expecting either. Still, there aren't that many BeeGees loving pervs in the world.

Oh well, as we haven't had much blood n gore lately, perhaps other readers could regale us with some suitable anecdotes. Bonus points for any BeeGees references, of course.

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Silver badge
FAIL

Must be the hot weather

"Sausage Seasoning Machine" 8 coments in and not one Paris icon,

Sometimes even Reg readers can let you down.

( Paris icon? no, never have and not this time either)

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Terminator

Bow down

to the marinator.

He will be back.

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Anonymous Coward

no obvious sign of trauma

yes, but what flavour did he come out as?

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No trauma??

Hot Dog machine's BockWurst than it's bite?

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Rob
Bronze badge
Paris Hilton

Nervous quiet

The machines have been awfully quiet for a long time, prehaps they are lulling us into a false sense of security or they are concentrating on their new automated brethren that the military industry seems to be churning out a fair rate of knots.

*For Elmer*

Paris cause she's probably been reffered to as a sucking sausage machine at some point.

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Sausage Machine Cleaner Nearly Meats His Maker

Sorry.

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And furthermore:

Playmobil, or it never happened

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Alert

Hmmmm...

Didn't Steven King write about something like this ? I think the story was called "The Mangler". Before you try exorcism on the marinade machine, make sure you know the type (and power) of trapped demonic being you're dealing with.

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Coat

Soylent Green

Is People????

Mines the coat with the big salami in it (oooh err missus)

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FAIL

Failed first attempt

DiLuigi's attempt to break into the untapped market for Soylent Green didn't go quite according to plan.

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Happy

Now we know

How Soylent Green is made.

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@Tim #3

Now I get it -- this was a homophobia joke, oh how funny and original.

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Joke

Whisked to hospital?

Surely you whisk the marinade before you add the meat

.................... I know I'm getting my coat

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Pics

or it never happened!

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