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back to article NZ spider objects to Canadian's todger

A Canadian tourist who decided to take a quick nap on a NZ beach following a skinny-dip ended up seriously hospitalised after a venomous spider bit his penis, Oz's The Age reports. The unnamed 22-year-old awoke after his kip in the North Island's northern extremity to find his penis "swollen and painful with a red mark on the …

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Stop

Nooo!

There goes my plan to emigrate to NZ, there's no way I'm going anywhere near a place with venomous spiders. Especially ones that are partial to a bite of your chonkle.

I thought there were no nasties over there!

Gutted.

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Black Helicopters

give it time

That respected and authorative source of information, Wikipedia, says it's endangered. If you're lucky it'll be extinct in a few years. Or just confine yourself to "inland" locations and the southernmost the beaches.

Black Heli- ... looks a bit like a spider with, albeit with 6 legs and a tail.

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Don't worry about it

I'm from NZ and in my 20 years there never saw a Katipo, neither has any of my friends or family.

Also its the only poisonous thing in the country so you'll be alright.

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Not quite the only poisonous thing...

... we also have wasps (which are the usual b&^#* nuisance), bees (which aren't much bother), and centipedes (which are said to give a nasty bite, but you rarely see a big one and it's extremely rare to get bitten). Katipos are equally rare.

So, on the whole, not much worry.

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Gold badge

Endangered?

Not surprised.

This 'ere Mr Darwin says that being soft 'n squishy and also having a prediliction for a quick venomous nibble on any passing todgers is a short route to being only seen in pickle jars at the local museum with "Timberland" or "Caterpillar" stamped on you.

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This is one article

that I won't be asking for

"pics, or it never happened"

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Careful of the Welsh Rozzers

If you get pics of this they'll arrest you for extreme p*rn

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WTF?

I get it

You're suggesting he tried to have his wicked way with a spider? Fair enough, I suppose.

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Coat

Nurse....

...I believe the only course of action is to suck out the poison....

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Coat

I say

I think I recognize those symptoms. Didn't they have a professional on hand to help getting the swelling down?

Mine's the dirty mac with the special deep pockets.

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Alert

All the symptoms?

Swelling - check

bite mark - check

heart racing - check

high blood pressure - check

but

generalised muscle pains

fever

headache

photophobia

vomiting

Nope!

I take it that the Whangarei Hospital is a specialist unit?

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Happy

Home holiday

Quick, tell the Margate Tourist Board. One more reason for a 'staycation'.

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Black Helicopters

I thought...

This is El Reg, so when I opened the article I thought I was going to get an article on how some NZ government organisation's web crawler found an on-line pic of some Canadian's penis on-line and decided that is should be content filtered...oh, wait, typical Yank, I've gone and confused NZ and AUS... ;-)

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Joke

Owwww

good job they took him to WHANGarei hospital :)

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title

Sadly, it's only amusing when written down.

'Wh' in NZ placenames is prounounced as ' f '

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Surely...

FANGarei is still worth appropriate then?

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Joke

what about...

... the pronunciation of "prounounced"?

Is it "prow-nownced" or "proo-noonced"?

(before you bite back, Ididn't use the grammar nazi icon, it's Friday, I found your post interesting and informative and the typo amusing)

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Pronunciation can be an issue

Yeah, but it makes living in a place like Whakatane more amusing.

Simon

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Coat

Fangerei then?

Well, under the circumstances that kinda works too.

(Although I thought the fang(s) penetrated the shaft, not the eye)

Mine's the one that'll be getting shaken out thoroughly before putting on, ta.

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Unhappy

title

I shall fall upon my pen, what with it being mightier than the sword an' all.

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Joke

Whakatane

Especially when said with the antipodean drawl and realise that Tane means Male in Maori and you can see why all the female backpackers flock there

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Dear Statman

I live here and I do not pronounce "Wh" as "f" .

Probably you have been influenced by what some maori said.

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Joke

Photophobia

The fear of being pictured by StreetView while you're lying naked on the beach with a swollen penis.

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Fear not!

They blur your face and body but leave your whangarei in crystal clear focus.

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Joke

Doctor, please take away the pain ...

... but leave the swelling.

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White tail?

The White Tail is also found in NZ and gives a nasty bite. Whether it would go for your Johnson is a matter for debate...

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Anonymous Coward

How has no one else said this?

"Leave the swelling doc, just take away the pain"

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Joke

"Whangarei"?

You. Are. Kidding. You must be.

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Paris Hilton

I have no comment....

....I just wanted to attach a picture of Paris to this thread.

GJC

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Unhappy

"severely swollen, his blood pressure was up and his heart racing"

Sounds like just another desperate Saturday night at any of my local clubs!

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Coat

From wikipedia

"The katipo will only bite as a last resort; if molested"

That explains - sick b$st$rd - tryin' it on with a poor little katipo queen.

Mines the one with the driftwood and other natural habitats in it...

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Happy

We also have these...

Whilst non-venomous, they do give a rather nasty bite...

http://internet-pets.blogspot.com/2008/10/call-exterminator-quick.html

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Welcome

The title is required

I, for one, welcome our new arachnid overlords.

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Jobs Horns

Bites on Dick?

Australia has the Red Back Spider - quite fond of outhouse toilets and building webs under the rim.

Hence many man have been bitten on the cock by the said spider.

Quite an interesting bite - it changes from throbbing, to aching to stinging - in some slow cycle that lasts for a few months.

Would not want to get a BIG bite by a BIG spider either.

= more venom.

= more and longer unpleasantness.

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Anonymous Coward

some typo?

Whangarei: did you mean "wang area"?

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Welcome

2 Octopod stories in a week

Are the 8-legged denizens (octopus/squid, spider) plotting a take over?

I for one etc....

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Oh well

cheaper than an overdose of viagra.

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Anonymous Coward

That's a story for the grandchildren...

While I winced when reading it, it's down right funny since it didn't happen to me.

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Happy

The naughty Katipo

Ess Mohican,

I also live in New Zealand, and this is the first time I have heard of a person being bitten.

I have been here for 80 years , so the frequency of spider attacks is fairly low.

Also we have an acute shortage of terrorist with connections to Al Quida (or whatever it's called)

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Anonymous Coward

Spider

The only reasons the kiwi's claim to have this spider is to try and gain some status with the kangeroo bouncers...

I have now lived in NZ for 7 years, and North London held more nasties than NZ!

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Jobs Horns

If this spider..

...will not bite unless attacked. Exactly what had this guy been doing to deserve that?

And, in any case, no wonder these spiders are rare.

And, where do I find one? I could do with some enhancement.

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WTF?

This is unusual how?

...his penis was "severely swollen, his blood pressure was up and his heart racing"

Just saying...

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