German boffins say they have developed a miracle nasal spray which can make men into big girls' blouses. Dr René Hurlemann of Bonn Uni's Klinik für Psychiatrie, working with colleagues in Germany, Arizona and Blighty, has just announced successful tests of the new girlification spray - whose active ingredient is the hormone …
Put the toilet seat down after being sprayed?
Who needs a spray?
Once you've accidentally dropped something into the toilet and had to retrieve it, or had a pet who likes to drink from the toilet bowl, you tend to get into the habit of not only putting the seat down, but the lid as well.
Toilet seats: reality check
If you find the toilet seat down after a man has been in there for "little business", it's most probably because he went in the sink.
Only Reason Required
You don't need any of these reasons to get into the habit. You just need to consider what happens every time you flush. Some people don't care to have the bowl's contents aerosoled throughout the room.
Stehpinkler vs Sitzpinkler
German men are pussy whipped - they are not allowed to have the toilet seat up and stand whilst peeing - they are supposed to sit. Hence signs like this:
I kid you not. I found a sign like this over the toilet in the house I bought in Germany.
letters and/or digits.
"The boffins consider that their oxytocin spray might be handy as "medication for diseases such as schizophrenia""
Nonsense. Just admit America paid you to make it for them so that they could spray it on enemy troops.
Then the enemy troops only need to behave like mothers protecting their young and America is defeated!
Excellent idea :-)
Tear gas perhaps.
Us Brits were there first
Accordingly to Lee Evans us Brits have a better military deterrrant. A line of pregant women to face charging enemy troops who will tell them to "F*CK OFF !!!!" What man is gonna mess with a homicidal pregnant woman ?? :)
Show me Cute Overload any day, and I will coo and blubber too!
We've had this for a long time
but it's normally called "beer".
Does this new spray change men's driving skills, too?
...hops, which mimics estrogen.
That's why beer is so unlike wine (yeast alkaloids) or distilled spirits in it's effect on humans.
As I expected.
This has only been seen to work on Germans. There's no evidence it would actually work on us.
"The boffins consider that their oxytocin spray might be handy as "medication for diseases such as schizophrenia, which are frequently associated with reduced social approachability and social withdrawal"."
So, in short, finally a way to treat what ails most El Reg regulars...
Pint, because that's the ENGLISH way to treat social withdrawal...and it's Friday!
You ought to be asking for trouble
With lines using "girl" and "cat"... but no takers yet. Is everyone at the pub?
Not in the pub
we just want to avoid a vist from those nice people at CEOP
...is there a reverse one that stops a woman constantly asking what's happening during a film?
Nothing new here
There is anecdotal evidence to suggest the Germans have been testing this for years. I believe they started in 1945...
I thought a spray...
"...which can make men into big girls' blouses." had already been developed, and was being used regularly by Man Utd, Arsenal, and Aston Villa fans!
Wow - a My Point of View gun, I didn't expect that
Stunningly effective as explained in Hitchhiker, but of course it only works on men, so now armies will have to be all female?
The control group "reacted normally, either unemotionally or with mild discomfort"
Yup, that's definitely normal. It perhaps even classes as 'designed functionality'.
But show us a pic of a babe in a bikini, toting a heavy machine gun...
keep it out of the hands of the entertainment industry
Else men will be wandering out of relationship flicks feeling strangely moved and not knowing why.
And when the men are no longer being sprayed with this and the effects wear off - presumably they become profoundly bitchy, irritable, suffer with hot flushes/stomach-cramps and are entirely unable to park a car properly for the next week?
I'm pretty sure
that my missus secretes this substance into my brews. Whenever I'm on the internet and see a sweet girl stroking her cat, I immediately empathise, whip out my cat and give it a fast stroking.
And by cat I mean throbbing member.
You do look at some strange things..
'a sweet girl stroking *her* throbbing member (cat)'
in the words of a certain admiral
It's a trap!
use against aggression?
could be used in prisons or gang-fuelled violence situations? this could be an interesting 'cure' rather than the obvious and rather personal alternative of castration? ;-)
Is this all it does?
I bet the testees (*snigger*) suffered from some pretty strong side-effects that have been hushed up.
Completely mis-interpreting an innnocent remark and having a hissy fit for the rest of the day
Constantly asking whether the lab coat made them look fat
Mysterisouly all needing the toilet at the same time
Paris because she also likes putting stuff up her nose. Allegedly.
Did the subjects also start to crave chocolate, soap operas, Josh Gronin, Jeremy Kyle, shoes, handbags and Hello magazine, while talking endlessly about absolutely nothing in their 3rd bubble bath of the day before taking 6 hours to get dressed and totally losing their ability to drive a motor vehicle?
Another way to look at it
Introducing a large dose of a particular hormone into a relatively balanced system will create a severe hormonal imbalance, resulting in a subsequent inability to mediate emotional responses. They're screwing with these guys brain chemistry and creating an emotional imbalance.
Showing more emotion doesn't equate to increased empathy any more than lacking visible emotion equates to less empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and identify with others and most people (yes, this includes both sexes) are more than capable of demonstrating high empathy without showing highly visible emotions. The fact that women tend to show more visible emotion when they're empathising is just a quirk of nature. Each behaviour is desirable within its own setting, but the idea that you can turn men into more empathetic creatures by disturbing the chemical balance of their brain strikes me as a little disturbing as it assumes the female way of showing emotion is the better way in all situations. It isn't.
Re: Another way to look at it
The sort of thinking these 'scientists' exhibit is typical of very smart people who have no wisdom.
I'd be more interested in...
a miracle nasal spray which can GET men into big girls' blouses.
It might work for that too.
Sorry for the lack of humor
but this is old news. Oxytocin is also known as "the trust drug." People (men AND women) when subjected to it tend to trust and love everybody. (I know, some imbibers react like this, but others get nasty, morose or just fall asleep.) This would be dangerous stuff for someone with bad intent to have!
Siomething like soma from Brave New World, perhaps?
Maybe I'll be able to figure out why, exactly, romantic comedies are so fuggin' popular!
it's basically "gay spray" ?
Following this revelation, I can see Sanrio entering the air-conditioning business.
you mean they don't already make a window unit?
I figured they kept them next to the "personal massager"
Be careful what you wish for.....
......even in jest.
There's a Sanrio store in Milan. It's like a sort of insane version of John Lewis, with every single sodding item in there pink and Hello Kitty branded. Since they had a 50cc scooter, a washing machine, a suite of bedroom furniture and a 50" LCD telly in the window, I wouldn't mind taking a punt that there was an airconditioning unit squirrelled away in there somewhere.
Leaving a big gap to fill...
Where is a spray that will make women indifferent to the suffering of others?
To put some tech back into this... if we used this on ladies, do you think they would somehow experience an emotional signed integer overflow and switch over to being able to read maps* and play computer games?
(Yes, I'm jumping on the stereotype bandwagon while the going is still good)
I don't care, I'm still not going to go and see Mama bloody Mia!
Could this be given to convicted criminals? A lot harder to reoffend when you just can't go out today because your hair is doing that thing again and your jeans make you look like a heifer.
@ "interested in ..."
Well, you can lead a man to the women's blouses department of the clothing store but you can't make him put them on.
"Where is a spray that will make women indifferent to the suffering of others?"
I believe this has already been distilled from the bodily fluids of Margaret Thatcher.
"Where is a spray that will make women indifferent to the suffering of others?"
I think what your looking for is called a 'lasting relationship'.
Easy with that spray!
I think you have sniffed so much of the stuff you have gone from girlie to bitchy.
GW Shrub missed out
Why waterboard? Give your "Guest" a shot of this and then threaten to put a sack of kittens in the drink if they don't tell us everything we want to know.
Other bonuses, leaves no marks, and if the video gets out, it will create a whole new meme on YouTube - blubbing terrorists
Much more ominous
There are two species of voles: one that is polygamous (like most male mammals), the other is monogamous (!). The difference is that the latter has higher levels of oxytocin. Injecting the polygamous ones with oxytocin makes them monogamous.
Will human males, who are naturally inclined to be polygamous, react the same way? Is this the actual intended use of the nasal spray?