always raises a smile with his articles. By articles I mean stories, not his testicles.
Physicists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the most powerful particle punisher ever assembled by the human race, say that experiments there are going well. In particular, they have managed to create out of pure energy a thing which they describe as a "beauty" featuring an antimatter bottom. LHCb Beauty particle collision …
always raises a smile with his articles. By articles I mean stories, not his testicles.
I think that the Lewis' bollocks is just as funny as his serious stuff.
Yes, the b quark is occasionally referred to as beauty. It is one of a duo with the t quark and depending on who you ask they are "truth and beauty" or "top and bottom". But you have to pick one set of names and stick with them.
Whoever named this beauty particle clearly belongs to the truth and beauty crowd, so I suggest there is no bottom on display here. Sorry to disappoint.
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'
... that this should be an anti-beauty not an anti-bottom? Then may i be the first to propse we rename the anti-bottom an "Essex Lass"?
"Dave i think we've created a beauty"
"Wait Tom, nope its not a beauty, its the opposite of a beauty!"
"No! Not an Essex Lass!"
"Yep, 'fraid so. Still im sure she'll put out a lot.... (of energy)"
Nor an antibottom, mores the pity. I understand (in the loosest possible sense of the term) that the antimatter partner to a bottom quark is a "bottom anti-quark".
I wonder if they're beginning to regret their nomenclature.
Boffin [indicating screen]: This is a top quark.
Joe Public: And that's the opposite of a bottom quark?
Boffin: No. That would be a top antiquark.
Joe: That's strange
Boffin [pinching bridge of nose]: No, it isn't. [Indicates other part of screen]. That's strange.
Joe: Why, what is it?
Boffin: Strange, dammit! It's a strange quark, you idiot!
Joe: Charmed, I'm sure.
Boffin: [head explodes]
I was thinking more along the line of 'you beauty' and 'ripper' along with the 'mate' particle.
He should have worn the reinforced tight-fitting headgear instead of the Susquehanna hat!
We all know what happens when anti-matter meets matter, don't we?
sounds like it belongs in an episode of Pokemon
it was discovered by Bo Selecta's Michael Jackson. He he! Charmone muthafuckers!
Doesn't mean a thing if they can't get the hostess's bra to jump two feet to the left. Should have used PG Tips. (DNA: big respect!)
I'm off to find a teacake, and some perspective.
Whatever it is, it's Somebody Else's Problem
"I'm off to find a teacake, and some perspective."
These are the group of scientists who weren't invited to those sorts of parties (and who thought it's a debasement of science).
I think I'm a sofa...
"STANDARD REG SCIENCE QUALITY WARNING: The chance that we are following this correctly is roughly equivalent to that of a man with no arms throwing a handful of jelly through a falling doughnut at fifty yards without touching the sides."
Doesn't matter - it's Friday and it says 'bottom', that's all we need to know.
didn't you mean to say "it antimatters"? God I am on fire today.
Keep 'em coming Lewis
Paris, because her bottom is a beauty.
"It seems that the B+ beauty was produced by the head-on collision of two protons travelling at light speed"
Not so - to get a proton to light speed would require infinite energy to do so since it has non-zero rest mass...
And Malaysian cars were never that quick...
Lewis is on song, the BOFH's back in Mission Control, it's Friday - all's well with the world.
Ain't applied science wonderful.
Who needs a mythical deity?
Tsk, not so tabloid.
Very nicely done guys.
Been there, done that. All it took was a dodgy curry...
But top reporting anyway!
I find it interesting that:
Proving E=MC² involves drawing lots of esoteric symbols, then some complicated engineering and results in a big hole in the ground.
Proving M=E/C² involves digging a big hole in the ground, then some complicated engineering and results in the display of a lot of esoteric symbols.
Excellent! You win my "profundity award" of the week :-)
Preferably in 'Captain Dummy Talk' [tm].
I'd really like to understand some of this stuff, but I think I'm pretty much reduced to, "ooooh look at the pretty lights", with maybe a side order of, "wubble".
Still, keep up the good work. While I continue to read the articles, I can continue to pretend to myself that I'm a scientifically literate renaissance man, rather than a knuckle-dragging, biomass harvest unit to feed our inevitable machine overlords.
The REST mass of the protons was way smaller than the B+ (disappointing grade to some ;-) )
The sum of the masses they had in the lab frame of reference was as high or higher than the B+.
Great fun nonetheless
Haven't seen that for years and now I can't find my copy chiz chiz.
sounds like something that'd get you the ban hammer on /b/.
People goto prison for that sort of thing.
I mean we're missing about half of the universe. Did someone leave it on the Tube on the way home? It's typical of the government. Well, I'm not going to pay any taxes for any of this strange beauty!
Great article Lewis. When's the book out?
"'Beauty with antimatter bottom' created out of pure energy"
I had my fingers crossed that I'd get to give her a "big bang"
Mass of a proton: 1.672621x10^-27 kg
Mass of B+: 1.672621x10^-26 kg (fives times heavier than two protons, per article)
Difference: 1.3380968x10-26 kg
e = 1.20262x10-9 joules (I think)
If someone has no arms how in the blue fuck are they going to throw a handful of anything?
Unless of course their hands are attached at the shoulders...
Could be a friend of stephen right's friend with wooden legs but real feet... no arms, but real hands.
you may well mock, but it's not the most bonkers idea on *this* page
Funny you should mention jelly donuts --- as we should all remember from physics (or maybe cooking) class, 1 jelly donut gives about 1 megaJoule, thus about 6e15 GeV.
So you'd need around 1.2 trillion anti-bottomed beauties to get that jelly into that donut.
My conclusion: the LHC is not as effective as a stationary bicycle for weight loss.
I think a more apt comparison is " as much chance as a politician in a truth telling contest"
Douglas Adams - Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
(I don't have the Book to hand but it's something like that)
I had one of those head-shrinking adornments, but it exploded on reading this article...
I'm not sure what's better: The article or all the comments.
Well done everyone. You all deserve a beer (or three..)
You think the nomenclature of quarks is in a mess? Try something as prosaic as one's sexual proclivities if you want to witness confusion on the run.
Now as most readers of El Reg know, some gentlemen prefer the company of other gentlemen when engaging in the relief of internal glandular pressures, and deploy a range of activities (generally known as "play", except to fundies, who call it all a "deplorable lifestyle") to accomplish depressurization of certain internal glands. Many of these activities clearly have one partner taking the leading role, and the assignment of players to the epistemological categories "top" and "bottom" is easy. But some types of play don't lend themselves to such easy description because they embody a conflict between the psychological reality and the physical reality.
All of which adds up to a plea for gay men not to use "top" and "bottom" when describing their unspeakable, deplorable, unnatural lusts, but rather to use phrases such as "I prefer to be Xed" and "I prefer to X", for various values of X.
Postscript: I'm wondering if it's possible to build a Large Gay Man Collider (LGMC) and fire highly energetic dudes in pink feather boas and fluffy sweaters at highly butch dudes kitted out in High Leather. What would be the lifetime of the resultant particles? Would flashing disco lights be an essential part of the apparatus???
And when "this means that pretty much the whole of physics is wrong, which seems to be pretty much normal for physics" came along I actually had to wipe a tear from my eye.
Keep 'em coming!
Wonderful stuff and good reporting. We Need More.
As an aside, reading the article, having just returned from Slims Throat Emporium, the mention of muons and anti-muons seemed to settle in my brain. Could this be a covert reference to cats? Mewing and anti-mewing or simply mews and anti-mews. Schoedinger knew all about cats and by association mewing or muon(ing). The chaps at LHC might need to stand back from their discoveries just to apply Schroedinger's and Heisenberg's theories. I'm sure they do, but do they really/
I'd suggest that bottoms and tops exist simultaneously until one attempts to investigate one of them.
Ok, Back to the pub.
That top pic. looks like a screen capture of Win. Media Player visualizations window.
"The chance that we are following this correctly is roughly equivalent to that of a man with no arms throwing a handful of jelly through a falling doughnut at fifty yards without touching the sides"
Piece of piss that, so I reckon you must've done well. You should do guest spots in The New Scientist, it would liven up the tone a bit :)
I fucking love the Reg, don't know what I'd do without it. Along with my webmail and a motorbike forum, it's one of the only three sites I visit *all* the time, and you only have to read this article to see why.
Please can I have my free t-shirt now :)
And a bottom like that should definitely be lepton.
i am very much *NOT* an anti-bottom
Does the anti-callipygian emanations have anything to do with the cleft stick and sandy bumwad?