back to article Pirates of the Caribbean say 'narrr' to Bulgarian airbags

The director of the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean outing has decreed that actresses with breast implants will not be welcome to swash their buckles alongside the 100 per cent natural and impressive pirate's chest of Penelope Cruz. Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom. Pic: Buena Vista Rob Marshall has instructed Los Angeles …

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Ugh

Yet another franchise doing away with it's leading women. It didn't work for The Mummy (that gawd-awful thing replaced Rachel Weisz? Ugh, ugh , ugh) either.

Tip to movie-makers: don't mess with what works. But hey, ironically enough we all know piracy will be blamed if it tanks!

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Paris Hilton

this is the title.

Has it not occurred to you that even Ikea Knightly knows a turkey when she sees one? Maybe, having suddenly learned to act, she has decided she does not need to do this again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYfbc1B-i4I

Paris. Because she probably enjoyed it. She seems to enjoy most things.

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She can act!?!?

When did that happen? She's terrible in everything I've seen her in.

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Artists painted in her cleavage?

I wouldn't have thought it was large enough to accommodate even one artist. Still, whatever floats your boat. I expect they played sardines or something.

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Its a shame...

Don't get me wrong, I like Cruz and think she's an excellent actress, but its always best to stick with the one who brought you to the dance, unless there's a good reason not to. Not having ample breasts ... not such a good reason. :-(

Unless of course they're trying to cut some of the budget and this is the first thing to go.

As to staying true to au natural... thumbs up.

As to inspecting the boobs... hire a sonogram tech for the day w a portable ultrasound. At least its scientific and impartial. Or just offer them free mammograms. ;-)

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wub

wub wub wubb

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They never mentioned ample - just natural

Probably a good thing, too, because at size 6-8 a large busom is substantially less likely.. Given the average UK dress size is 16, something a bit closer to that would be appreciated.

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Pirate

Examination Room V0.1 (alpha)

Full schematics here

http://www.4guysfromviewpoint.com/uploadedimages/mammogram.jpg

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No Keira Knightley ?

Want to cry now.

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Coat

What the hell is he making?

Porn???

Cos if it's porn, I'll watch it.

Otherwise, this is just post shark-jumping nonsense.

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Pirate

This demands

a PlayMobil Reconstruction!

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Pirate

On Stranger Tides

After the increasingly irritating plots of the second and third movies, I'm rather hopeful as to what can be done with a bit of Tim Powers magic, assuming they've taken more than the title from the Powers novel of the same name.

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Tim Powers

According to Wikipedia (I know, I know):

"Disney optioned the novel in order to incorporate elements of it into the fourth "Pirates Of The Caribbean" film.

Whether "elements" covers more than pirates and a caribbean setting remains to be seen. Personally I preferred The Anubis Gates, anyway.

Now if someone (NOT Disney) were to adapt Michael Scott Rohan's "Spiral" novels, that could be more interesting fantasy.

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Anubis Gates. ++Good

But Drawing Of The Dark and Dinner At the Deviants Palace are probably better. However, I've yet to read something by Powers that I didn't like, so I'm probably biased. I doubt that Hollywood will have the courage to film the book, particularly if they have to beat it into a 'Pirates of the C' shape to fit. We'll see, but I'm not hopeful.

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Pirate

Fear not, ye land-lubbing rubber jub lovers

there'll surely be a third installment of the lavish "Pirates" series of, ahem, top-shelf movies, which are guaranteed to feature plenty of silicone and performances that almost make Ms Knightley look like she can act

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another one?

They were stretching an idea when they make a movie based on a theme park ride at Disney world. They were really pushing it when they made a sequel, but the third one was terrible. A story that was tenuous and rambling... and now a forth movie just because it makes money.

Why does this remind me of those videos over new years of people running into malls to buy buy buy in the january sales.... a fool and their money.

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Paris Hilton

"a forth movie just because it makes money"

That's what they do now, innit?

Did you think it was about entertainment?

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FAIL

Aaaaand, it's dead.

Replacing one of the main cast members is certain death.

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Re: Aaaaand, it's dead.

Didn't seem to kill the James Bond franchise much. And those films had about as much to do with the source material as the PotC series has to do with either Powers *or* the Disney ride did originally, though they rewrote the latter to be more in line.

Much the same can be said for the new Bond materials as well, though.

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Rob
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Ain't that the truth...

... qualified to say that having read Moonraker.

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I think a real Moonraker would be an awesome film

Particularly if it was actually set in 1950s Southern England. But then they actually used a load of the plot of Moonraker the book for Die Another Day (Graves/Drax, death from the sky, etc). Unfortunately the benzidrine taking might not be PC anymore.

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worse yet, octopussy

A low key psychological story; IIRC *nothing* in common with the film but an octopus.

Powers' stuff could make for interesting though, I'm actually looking forward to seeing it. By pure coincidence bought the stress of her regard last week for a re-read.

And if you like Powers you might also like December (and others) by Phil Rickman.

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WTF?

AC 11:41

Maria Bello, "that gawd-awful thing", seriously?

I haven't seen the movie, because the first sequel was bad enough, but Maria Bello has been pretty decent in other stuff.

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Pirates of the Caribbean IV...

... The Quest for More Money?

... Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel of Rum?

... From the Depths of Davy Jones' Locker?

... Flogging a Dead Squid?

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The Quest for More Money?

I thought that was going to be Spaceballs II.

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Coat

The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

For this procedure I'm going to have to numb you.

num num num num num num num.

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Coffee/keyboard

You owe me a keyboard!

Sticky Orange lucozade came spurting out of my nose when I read that!

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Blech

Leaving aside the fact this is a tad demeaning to women full stop, I don't suppose they'd consider that some of us actually prefer women with an average build.. Never really fancied the female leads in POTC.

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Go

Splice the mainbrace lads..

.. it's tits ahoy!

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In other news...

Hollywood officially announced today they had run out of original ideas.

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Paris Hilton

4:3 better than 16:9

Keira might not have much, but she did have a couple of interesting points in the first film after going for a swim. Interestingly shown off to far better effect in the 4:3 TV version, and sadly truncated in the 16:9 DVD mix.

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3D

A new standard in 3D movies perhaps?

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Hollywood hippies

Hybrid cars, granola, and now natural jubbs? Hippies!

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Pirate

Playmobile Reconstruction or it didn't happen

Wonder if they'll go full circle and become so bad it comes out the other side? I hope so so they can't make it much worse that the last one.

There's nothing wrong with lasses with unsculpted wobbly bits - there are plenty of lovely real ones about after all, but don't you think after the last instalment they should concentrate more on whether they can act instead? More important still whether the film has a plot and a script...

Also with ref to the 3rd Mummy franchise - Maria Bello was stinkingly awful. Really, really bad, partly due to script but partly to dreadful acting.

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Cruz eh?

How about fake noses?

No Keira, no sale

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PotC III was one of the worst films I've ever seen

The production values were enormous - I admit I never saw the join. There were a few good moments of comedy, but the film was THREE HOURS LONG! A film has to be pretty special if it's going to be over 2 hours, but there was nothing SPECIAL about PotC III and plenty to dislike. There was a plot, but it kept getting lost in the meandering storyline. The longer a film goes on the less I can forgive the bad bits.

I will say one thing. Johnny Depp was better in PotC III than Tim Burton's intriguing, but fail-ful Alice in Wonderland. The Red Queen and the bandersnatch were about the best performances and I never 'got' the cinematography. All cinematographers need to watch The Blues Brothers multiple times. It has the best camera-work I've seen, really adding to the mood of the scene and amplifying the characters.

Finally: the Brits aren't always the bad guys!!!!

[/RANT]

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Happy

title

No complaints here, I've never been a fan of tupperware tits.

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Anonymous Coward

I nominate...!

Mick Jagger to play the Keira Knightly part. After all, he's a big jessie!

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Badgers

Got a lovely natural pair..

..of tits for you all.

http://cgnw30832.myby.co.uk/tits1.jpg

Oh yes, yes I really did.

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Coffee/keyboard

priceless

You sir, owe me a keyboard!

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Coat

POTC - Oh No Not Again!!!!!!!!!

These (too long films) really get on my tits.

PH yet again.....Sod it I'll get me coat instead & go to the bar.

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