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back to article US must redesign killer hot dogs

The American Academy of Pediatrics is determined to tackle a major threat to the wellbeing of US kiddies: killer hot dogs which present a clear and present choking hazard. According to a report (summary here) in the academy's journal Pediatrics, choking is "a leading cause of morbidity and mortality among children, especially …

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Paris Hilton

I...

am not letting you redesign my phallic symbol!

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Deplorable use of common sense, there...

"She noted: "As a mother who has fed toddlers cylindrical foods like grapes, bananas, hot dogs and carrots, I 'redesigned' them in my kitchen by cutting them with a paring knife until my children were old enough to manage on their own.""

I can understand the woman's asperity... Common sense fail by safety 'elf. Pointing out the bleedin' obvious win by sausage lady.

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Makes you wonder...

... do 3 year old american kids have no teeth? Or are their hotdogs so rubbery that the child can't chew them properly?

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Unhappy

Have you never met a 3 year old?

Hmmm, I'm guessing that people suggesting here that 3 year olds should just simply chew their food don't have kids themselves. Come borrow my two sometime and see if you can get them to sit quietly at the table for the whole of a meal.

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and as for redesign...

surely, a Frankfurter that is narrow enough to choke a child has already been redesigned, surely all they need to do is revert to the original design.

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Anonymous Coward

slow news day?

"choking kills 77 US children annually"

As Bill Hicks might say "Wow, 77 less gas station attendants in the world"

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Bill Hicks

He might have been more tempted to say "Wow, 77 fewer gas station attendants in the world"

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Re: Bill Hicks

I doubt it, Bill Hicks was satirical and funny.

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Anonymous Coward

re: scottboy

Both sentences are of course correct, but yours manages to contain the adjective Hick's did in fact not use in the quote I was paraphrasing. Of course you would know this had you actually watched the stand up routine in question (and remembered it), but don't let that spoil your fun.

Narcissism thinly veiled as an attack on someone's grammar never gets tiring and I'm sure this post, and many others on this site, will provide you with plenty more opportunities to amuse yourself by rewriting things; not to add any meaning or insight, just to prove that you are better than the original author.

A++++, Would troll again.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: everyone

This thread really has got everything.

Everything.

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Headmaster

Satirical grammar?

What's satirical and funny about using the word "less" when the word "fewer" is called for?

Unless he was trying to imply a lack of intelligence and education on the part of those children, and making a joke at his own expense by implying the same about himself. Seems extraordinarily subtle, and likely to go unnoticed by a vast majority of his audience, regardless of their level of intelligence and education.

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Headmaster

Actually, they aren't

Only one sentence is correct.

If you're talking discrete, countable units (and giving a specific number of attendants means that you are), you use "fewer", and if not, you use "less".

Thus, if you add fewer cups of water to something, you have added less water, but you can't have less cups or fewer water.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Sarah Bee...

NAZIS!

There, NOW this thread has everything!

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Anonymous Coward

Except an end

damn you, Godwin!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: AC 15:44

It doesn't have Homer Simpson quotes.

.... I'm going out to... STALK.... Lenny and Carl. D'OH

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Anonymous Coward

I have a better suggestion: sew their darling little mouths up

which will have the additional benefit of tackling the childhood obesity epidemic head-on.

Although we might have to outlaw liquidisers.

And straws.

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FAIL

Nature has the solution!

CHEWING YOUR DAMN FOOD.

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Anonymous Coward

I suspect the prevailing moral climate will look unkindly

upon attempts to promote mastication in the under-threes

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FAIL

So much for intelligent design

What designer would use the same passageway for both breathing and eating?

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Harrumph

Hot dogs for 3 year olds? How about giving them some proper food for once!

Also, try good old thick British style sausages that you can just cut up.

They've got a better chance of actually having some real meat in them too.

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Anonymous Coward

@Harrumph

<quote>Also, try good old thick British style sausages that you can just cut up.</quote>

Mmmm, yeah.

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/4636889.Sussex_man_chokes_to_death_on_sausage/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1232942/Toddler-dies-choking-sausage-nursery.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bradford/7376072.stm

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Bah!

Meat content in UK Sausage? Don't make me larf! I get my Cumberland sausage from Myers of Keswick (in Manhattan) and he readily admits he can't call 'em sausage in the US as legally they don't have enough meat in 'em. Delicious, though.

Wasn't the general lack of meat in bangers the plot of a "Yes Prime Minister" episode in the '80s? As I remember it, the E(E)C was going to reclassify them as "Meat By-Product High-Fat Offal Tubes". Of course, that was only make believe, but still, when Hacker read the list of ingredients it put your average hot dog to shame in the "almost edible tat" stakes.

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Paris Hilton

Make them...

Tubular!

Paris, because she's never got a hot dog stuck in her throat.

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Pirate

It's easy

Just extrude them in the shape of a star rather than a cylinder - simple right?

In fact they would hold the ketchup and mustard better also due to the increased surface area...

skull and crossbones - because poeple should not be feeding anyone below 3 years old a hotdog really

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Paris Hilton

That's it

I'm off to get a choking hazard tattoo.

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Crossbreed it with a donut

Obvious - put a hole down the centre, like pen lids have to have by law.

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Flame

Yeah right ...

.... or we could start using common fscking sense and teach children to eat at a normal pace instead of wolfing down their fastfood ...

Oh wait, I forgot, Common Sense is outlawed in the US at the behest the ambulance chasers, "public interest" groups and various lobby groups.

What a tardegy!

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American babies are breastfeed hotdogs..... LOL

Maybe you should try just supervising your children when they are eating their dinner.

Crazy idea we English have. Have dinner as a family and promote sensible eating.

Its a crazy idea and it might just work, not all responsibility can be foisted off onto somebody else

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Damn right its crazy !!

Who the hell thought its a "Good idea" to sit next to a 1 yr old and 2 yr old at a dinner table ??

probably sombody with a cleaner in their employ.

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N2
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So

Is it

Do not eat In one go?

or just "Do Not eat" ?

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Gorgon Braun has the answer

This is a simple one to answer and good old gorgon braun has the answer. Send all babies to a government crèche until they are say 6 years old and thus able to eat food as the parents cannot be trusted (sadly in some cases, clearly cannot be trusted) to care for them and teach them to eat food properly.

Mind you on second thoughts, given the UK's record of dealing with children this might not be such a good idea...

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Gorgon Braun has the answer

Gorgon Braun? Get ye to Speak you're Branes right now.

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Anonymous Coward

It's a title

She noted: "As a mother who has fed toddlers cylindrical foods like grapes, bananas, hot dogs and carrots, I 'redesigned' them in my kitchen by cutting them with a paring knife until my children were old enough to manage on their own."

A sensible parent?! I'm going to have to go and sit down for a bit, oh wait, I am sat down! Excuse me while I fall off my chair.

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Happy

A novel solution

- using a paring knife on the children- still if it seems to work...

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Def
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FAIL

And I'm sure...

...this has nothing to do with the fact that more and more children are being fed junk food by parents too busy surfing Failbook to supervise them properly.

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"especially those aged 3 years or younger"

Shouldn't he American Academy of Pediatrics be advising that children 3 and under shouldn't really eat hot dogs anyway?

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Paris Hilton

Just ba suggestion but...

...couldn't somebody explain that food should be chewed before swallowing?

Paris because she's choked n a few hot dogs in her time.

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"some savvy inventor will find a way"

I'm not a savvy inventor but i'm sure minced hot dogs will become very popular among those nanny-state-taking-away-all-hazards-and-pillow-packed morons. Life is deadly - live with that! (Or rather die, eventually)

Ah, there is light at the end of the tunnel and not the light/tunnel as in near death experience but very concrete as in Janet Riley: "...I 'redesigned' them in my kitchen by cutting them..."

EA

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Idiots. Sausages or Guns.

So about 12 kids a year die from choking on hot dogs.

In 2003 I think 73 Million kids.

300 people a DAY or nearly 200,000 a year are shot.

Then there are

Car Accidents

Drugs

Knifes...

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Idiots. Sausages or Guns.

What's your point? We wait until we've eradicated the bigger killers before we start on the smaller (and easily-avoidable) ones? That's not how it works, is it?

This story has made me hungry. Someone fetch me a sandwich.

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Anonymous Coward

Sadly I'm fresh out of sandwiches, Sarah

how about a nice hotdog?

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Happy

No sandwiches...

but I do have a packet of hot dogs you can have as long as you promise not to choke on them.

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IT Angle

The real question

I think Janet is on to something here, such as: good sense. However, i can't help but wonder how anyone could be compelled to create any such thing as a "National Hot Dog & Sausage Council". (But perhaps it's a good thing that the world has surprises in stock every day.)

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FAIL

or

get them to CHEW their food, you dont drink hotdogs, you chew them and then you dont choke

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Heart

National Hot Dog & Sausage Council

That is all.

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Simple idea really

Extrude them through a star shaped extruder. Make them larger so you still get the same amount of meat, but now you have breathing channels running along the length. It would also make a great place for the various sauces and additions to sit on the hot dog without out sliding off!

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Hmmm...

Sounds like a really great idea. Apart from the fact that those breathing channels would more often than not be filled with mayonnaise, mustard, and/or ketchup. I wonder what inhaling mustard does to the lungs, hmmm?

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Flame

Grabs a child and tests

"What do you mean your lungs are on fire?" Pft, the youth of today!

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Happy

Instant misread #1

At first glance I misread the name of the journal as Pedantics. Closer to the truth I think.

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Anonymous Coward

Just put a hole ...

... running through the middle of the hotdog, so when the little darling deepthroats it they don't suffocate.

Problem solved. Alternatively don't feed your 3 year old child shitty hot dogs.

Quick ban hard things, and fire, and sharp things, and gravity, and loud things, and things you might choke on, and and and... fun....

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