Our friends at insideHPC pushed this story recently, but there hasn’t been an accompanying groundswell of buzz, so I’m bringing it to The Register’s audience in an attempt to get the ball rolling. Mattel, purveyor of the iconic Barbie doll, is running a contest to decide Barbie’s next career. She has quite a wide range of …
...Barbie the witch instead.
We take all the Barbies and burn then, oh and the Bratz things as well...
Playmobil (de)construction may be required
Who plays Barbie?
She would need a CAT5 cable tester and RJ45 crimp tool and to keep BOFH fans happy a cattle prod.
and the rest
She'd need a wallet ful of CD's plus the mantra of 'Can't fix it - will have to rebuild' - which comes about 2 minutes after arriving and doing bugger all.
As a *true* computer engineer...
...such as desktop or network support/admin, she would undoubtedly need:
Shabby clothes - you aren't going to crawl under desks and into risers in a nice dress.
Multitool - Leatherman-esque knife/pliers combo for cutting through cabling rats nests.
A utilitarian handbag with a cheap mobile phone, make up compact, can of deoderant and a pack fo alka-seltzer, for when [and the morning after] comprehensively outdrinking the men in the team. Which seems to be a common theme with the lasses I have worked with.
Also, a box full of motherboards, hard drives, SCSI cards and GPUs, for her houseshare in south London where she annoys her flatmates by trying to get esoteric old hardware to work properly.
And a large stock of absinthe.
There again, mebbe that's just the lasses I have worked with. And loved working with, frankly.
Anon though, as I don't want a slap from them - as despite all the above, they are still nice fluffy girls at heart.
"such as desktop or network support/admin, "
That would make her a technician, not an engineer.
The engineer is the person who designed the system in such a way that the technician needs 6 different Torx screwdrivers and a non-standard wrench in order to change the hard drive.
Hmm, nearly typed non-standartd /wench/ there. That would be Barbie...
A electrified firesafe, complete with beancounter Ken locked inside?
A USB stick of pr0n and incriminating emails?
No need for a title
Surely we need a BOFH Barbie, complete with cattle prod
What about each doll coming with a dozen frustrated "IT Kens" desperately trying to get her attention?
However, it's going to be hard going removing all traces of the fact I've accessed a Barbie site from work, especially when the boss of the firewall team is notoriously NOT Barbie :)
I should have mentioned the idea my wife came up with last week, and I quote..
"Up the gut Barbie".
I can't get at the site from work.
bah humbug... :-(
Anyone want to write a basic script to vote repeatedly via a proxy server?
Just ask around 4chan, they did it before ;)
Although knowing their taste, next role would be a porn star.
Anonymous, for obvious reasons.
The first rule.
You're breaking it...
anon you broke it !
Google's HQ is basically a big colourful toyland for attention-deficient children, right? Barbie would fit in perfectly.
I propose a new cable connector standard called the Barbie DD Type.
These would not fit any know piece of equipment so she could have boxes of the damn things as accessories.
Paris 'cos she has a usable socket.
Would that be for twisted pair, or coaxial with a crimp coupler? Never mind, you'd never be able to find a male one when you needed it.
I used to play with my sisters Barbie dolls...
...used to run-the-bitches-over with me Tonka trucks! Wa-ha-haha! Think I also got Ken to be their pimp once too, oh how we laughed!
Back on topic, Well seeing as Barbie is all like fashionable and stuff, they'd probably give her a magic pink iPad rather then anything that's any use for her job.
A five and a half inch floppy? Oh wait, that would be for ken...
I seem to recall that "proper" floppies were five and a quarter inches - although Barbie would tell Ken that size is not important.
huh. *Real* floppies are 8-inchers. Still have a box or two...
All good ideas but your'e missing important accessories
What are her piercings?
Eyebrow? Nose? Lip?
So, what, Geek Barbie is going to be based on the caffiene-happy girl with the odd hairstyle in NCIS?
Actually... come to think of it... that's not a bad idea.
Barbie does QA on commercial Java applications. Paris, because she couldn't figure out pointers, either.
"But what would you sell with “Computer Engineer Barbie?” On the clothing front, not that much."
Not that much clothing? “Semi-Naked Computer Engineer Barbie?” Pervert.
Stockings and suspenders required.......for Barbie..........not me.
...rumpled chinos and a black t-shirt with "I (heart) Big Hard Drives" on it...?
Wot? No photographer?
They could have made a small fortune selling lenses, upgrading the bodies every year ... They could have done a Nikon and asked $8,000 for a new model. For those who like the retro feel, they could have sold, darkroom Barbie, complete with chemical stains on her hands and an instant response of hands flying to her face when coming out in to the sunlight.
... or are they too scared that the combination of Barbie, Ken and the little red light might be a little too much for young minds?
... so she can press Ctrl-Alt-Del
I don't think she'd need many accessories really, after all she'd be promoted to PM pretty damned quick and just have to tell us engineers what we should be doing on a daily basis instead.
I think she needs a diploma from some crappy management school, a copy of the contractual SLA's and budgetary control. Possibly a copy of "PCs for Dummies" so she can understand all the technical language that real engineers sling around?
Oh yeah, perhaps some carpet burns from the promotional process too.
In some places this might be called cable monkey, though in Barbie's case cable bunnie may be apt.
Then she'd need all the necessary protectives ....
A backless, topless boiler suit,
And high-heeled hobnail army boots.
It seems as if the only connection go out to Google Analythics and "Scorecard Research", whatever that is. I need to research that later.
She can have a whole wardrobe full of heavy metal / geek / just plain rude Tee shirts, mountain boots, thirty or forty pairs of jeans (of which she only wears her 'favourite' pair), oh and a single dress for when she visits her Mum.
Her dressing table can be fitted out with sample beers from all over the world, and single speed CD drives and 32MB HDDs, various Linux distro CDs, three boxes of A4 micro-perf fan fold printer paper, 170 to 200 kilos of various technical manuals for such exciting things as Apollo Domain Unix installation complete with 57 5 1/4 inch floppy disks, Borland C (Brand New, Try it today!!!) George, The Operating System. A single lipstick (the one she bought the day after she left school) currently lying under one of the boxes of fan fold paper.
She can have an anorak for the winter and a thick leather coat for the summer.
See so much and I haven't even started on her real home (her cubical) yet.
Ken should be her manager, with pointy hair. She hates him.
If you drop out the girly stuff, it's disturbingly like my dressing table. Fan-fold, check. HDDs are 40/60Mb. CDs, iomegas, blah blah. Linux distro? Minix3-yeah! TurboPascal 5.5 full set (well, hey, a quid from a charity shop!). You forgot the 386 motherboards, four different types of memory (remember the old 30-pin SIMMs?) and various bits that once belonged inside a BBC Micro...
Pull the string dangling out of her back and she could say 'Have you tried turning it off and on again?'
She's Helpdesk Barbie
Come on, how about something more realistic, like crazy old cat woman?
Best idea ever!
Seriously, Best idea ever! Accessories should include, little tins of cat food, soiled baggy clothing, over-flowing litter trays and as a special bonus, Ken in a new role as "Community psychiatric nurse" to check on Barbie to make sure shes not laying dead on the kitchen floor, surrounded by very hungry cats.
I voted computer engineer
I voted computer engineer, but I only voted at all because I know that if it comes out, Moss and Roy will get their hands on one. I have no idea what they'll do with it, but it ought to be hilarious.
In fact, it probably doesn't matter -- now that the suggestion's out there, it'll probably find its way into the series whether or not it actually exists.
20+ years in IT tells me....
(Almost) every "Computer Engineer Barbie" will either very quickly move to another department (IT management or something "audity") or leave and start having babies, then be too far "out of it" to return when the short ones are big enough to be left alone so they'll go into teaching or something else instead.
Sigh... whatever she wears she'll need to have a change of clothes, IT is rarely a career.
But what would you sell with “Computer Engineer Barbie?”
Barbie's first noose
Barbie's first jumbo bottle of paracetamol
Plane tickets to Switzerland
The possibilities are endless.
surely her first job...
..is as the programmer for the Aussie company - believe she'll make the requirements
I reckon this is a fit up.
I'm pretty certain the next Barbie will be a computer engineer whichever way the public votes.
Why? Cross-selling: there will be a pink Barbie netbook computer on the shelves by Christmas, you mark my words.
Now look what you've done. I wasn't going to vote, I really wasn't, then you mentioned that pink Barbie netbook computer and ...
Give her an iPad
Oh, and don't forget the black turtleneck. Ok, ok, I know that's closer to industrial designer than computer engineer but let's face it. Imagine the extra hype that could be generated if Steve's stand in had double H bulgarian airbags!
I voted as you asked
and spent 2 hours playing with the games on the Barbie site. Thanks a lot, guys
I tried to vote, but all I got was:
You need to download the latest version of Flash in order to check this out.
If you need help, ask a grownup!