Anthropologists claim to have contacted a remote Papua New Guinea tribe which worships a crude effigy of an Apple iPad crafted from the bark of a sacred tree. That humans bow at the altar of Jobs is nothing new, but what makes the case of the Ka'zi exceptional is that the tribe has until now had no contact with the outside world …
or it didn't happen...
3G reception in the forest?
Have Verizon done FTTT (Fiber To The Tree) and sold them a femotcell?
The laws of physics
are no match for the Powers of Steve. Such lowly phenomena will not thwart the iFad's 3G capabilities.
Believe it when I see it!!!
It's Friday, I demand a Playmobile reconstruction of the momentous moment!
Can't see the point of an article like this
Seems to just illustrate how jealous of Apple the Register is. Obviously you're still smarting from them blanking you.
Thing is, if you're going to have a pop by running this type of copy, then it has to be biting and funny to have effect. This isn't. It's just boring.
Sorry guys but it's time to try a new tack.
I claim my reward for the first sighting of iFury in this thread.
Get a life
1. It is Friday
2. It is under Bootnotes along with BOFH and Bulgarian airbags
3. Your responce proves that the humour gland needs to be excised prior to entering the Church of Apple and claiming allegiance to the great prophet of the MultiTouch.
@ Neil 13
Awwww bibble. Here, have a hanky.
Your post is the perfect example of both the point of this article, and why it is so very funny.
have you had any sleep in the past 3 days?
It seems that not only did I sleep through the iPad launch but the whole experience left me so underwhelmed that I've been comatose all through Feb and March...
p.s. Lester: surely there are some photos from Prof Macbucks?
is this the register?
Or the Daily Mash?...
Daily Mash did it better though :p
Two pops at Apple in as many days. It must be a slow news day.
We get it already, you're pissed that apple doesn't take you seriously...get over it.
Get a grip
It's called a sense of humour, perhaps if you could buy it as iHumour you might have one
Anyway - Ka'zi - I liked that
Kevin could be right
This is very dangerous reporting. Can we really fathom the cultural and ecological damage that will be inflicted on the Ka'zi as teams of patent lawyers descend upon them?
Have we learned nothing from Avatar??!
You missed out the other findings
The team were also studying the K'rud and the No'gud, two neighbouring tribes.
The K'rud seemed to worship a small bespectacled god who they freely admitted had no abilities to bring them anything that the other gods couldn't do better (I believe his name was "Bullg-aites").
The other tribe worshipped the God of low sales - Mntn'Vw. Millions enjoy his free hospitality but no-one is prepared to make the sacrifices (financial and mental) required to use the N'drud.
No, no, no!
No, you can't write three articles asserting that even hardcore fans are dissappointed, and then turn around and write one saying that the Mac-faithful are worshipping the device in full pathetic force!
Youre allowed to pick one, just one.
P.S. Funny story, though, Lester; enjoyable as always. Thanks,
You missed it...
...the point was that the Mac faithful AREN'T worshipping this, the Apple fanbois are worshipping this. The iPad a Mac is not, it's just a fat-ass iPod Touch ;)
And in other news an amazon tribe was found worshipping Sun thin clients...
Re: Amazon tribe
Surely they'd all be worshipping Kindle idols?
Re: Good grief...
It's a satirical site, dear, we take pops at everyone. Including you. Although you are apparently too dreary to satirise.
... the kind of response I wanted!
Send love to the trolls?
Well said Sarah! Why do people like that bother? This place obviously isn't for them and that's fair enough but why not just go somewhere else?
Ahhh, hang on a minute!?! Would life be as good without them here to laugh at?
Ooh ooh ooh, it's the moderator
Do moderator posts only have an Upvote button?
Mine's the one with the predictive text set to off.
Not to dreary to satirise, I like a good satirical skit just like the next man, but we had one funny story yesterday about this, and we really didn't need another...once is funny, twice is just predictable :)
Is it April already?
Hey fanbois, it really *is* OK to have a laugh, you know. Stop taking yourselves so seriously.
@"he was visited by a superhuman being with a beard" ...
... "a forehead of polished ivory and four eyes who described to him a magic tablet"
In ancient times just such a being talked to all who would listen of a wonderous small rainbow labeled monolith, whilst traveling in a chariot that was known as the sea five. :)
"small rainbow labeled monolith"
You mean one of these?
Take Note Apple...
Hope the Cupertino people are watching as these guys, deep in the jungle, seem to have solved the iBook licensing problems, battery life *and* come up with a material that will keep Greenpeace happy.
The real questions are though, does it come in black and does it require a virgin sacrifice to make it work (oh hang on, that usually only applies to Windows)?
Paris because she knows all about wood
Is is April already?
If it's April 1st already then it's my birthday, so buy me a pint, Lester!
I had a mate who proudly, and repetitively announced his birthday was January 1 (It was New Years eve, and we were waiting for the 'Bongs' from Big Ben). He was a piss-head, and expected folks to buy him a drink in a few moments time. Couple of seconds of mental calculation later, I announced to the gathering "Apt, Johnathan. That means you were conceived on 'All Fools Day' ". Funny, he didn't mention it again.
PS. Nice one, Lester!
As "Biting the hand that feeds IT" it is an acceptable article.
On the other hand as a valued, considered and thoughtful analysis it weighs in with minimal mass if any at all.
Humorous all the same in a sort of demented, twisted, pained and painful sort of way.
It has began!
On a more sinister note, there are unconfirmed reports that a number of Amazon tribes committed ritual suicide, when the iDemon revealed his iPad.
Surely when you said iDemon you meant iDaemon?
They wouldn't believe it even if it f jumped and bit thier ass
Did no one spot the satire or heaven help us the iRONY ?
My God, its full of stars ....
Screen is 4x3 but it can't do two things at once. If its Apple then I doubt its black
OK I know it's two words but WTF?
I have seen better comments :P
iMust iSay ILike
Thanks for that thoughtful review, AC. Would you like a job?
that was OK trolling I suppose
Where's Ted? He'd probably have done a better job with more swearing, if he wasn't busy being a wanker.
Indeed, in the Ka'zi is one of the many places I intend to use my mythical iPad when it's bestowed upon me (by the nice home delivery people).
That has to be one the most tongue-in-cheek articles I have read in a long while.
Re: Send love to the trolls?
Yes. Yes it would be as good.
All that's missing
Is some dolphins and a man who said he was from guilford but is in fact from somewhere in the vacinity of Beatlujuice for it to be any more tounge in check and off the wall.
What you all forgot is that the great iPad is going to solve world hunger, world peace and find a cure for cancer and that's just this weekend.
If Douglas N Adams were alive today he'd have one but he'd be laughing his head off at this.
It does required a sacrifice to run, a gallon of extra virgin olive oil for it's eco-friendly charger.
Sarah I love the witty retorts.
1) It's bootnotes - not to be taken seriously
2) it's the register bootnotes - why the heck would we do anything but laugh at the stuff here.
3) It's apple / microsoft and at least 5 minutes since they last got "upset" but the other camps fanbois
Erm these tablets you're on about ... where can I score some?
Blendtec get one!!!!
That way we can blend it, snort it and then just get the f*** on with our lives.
Cheers for the Friday giggles Lester!
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- Bugger the jetpack, where's my 21st-century Psion?
- Windows 8.1 Update 1 spewed online a MONTH early – by Microsoft
- Something for the Weekend, Sir? Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?
- Review 'Mommy got me an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000 for Xmas!' South Park: Stick of Truth