Feeds

back to article World braces for Lindsay Lohan sex tape

Lindsay Lohan is said to be "devastated" that a 47-second video of her indulging in "adult activity" with a member of the opposite sex is about to get a worldwide internet release. The perpetrator of the kiss-and-tell outrage is reportedly "a waiter with a well-known chain restaurant" who has punted the clip to Hustler for £100k …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.

Page:

Coat

Wow

48 seconds worth? Wish I could last that long, lucky girl!

2
0
Anonymous Coward

WTF

is Lindsay Lohan?

2
0
Bronze badge

+1?

assume some kind of celebritard?

1
0
Silver badge
IT Angle

Lohan...

She's an adult now, was child 'Disney movie' actress.

She was at one point in to girls, now back to men?

Maybe that's why she's embarrassed?

But where's the IT angle? Other than it might show up on an off shore site?

0
0
Thumb Up

<title>

keep us updated el reg ... it'll be a crap tape but the lulz will still be there at least.

0
0
Paris Hilton

Does anyone really care?

When there is a near unlimited stream of free porno available from multiple adult youtube type sites?

2
0
FAIL

So it's a blowjob vid

Which means what you're really watching is 47 grainy seconds of some gonzo's manky cock.

Hold me back.

8
0
Happy

gonzy?

"gonzo's manky cock"

wasn't that a muppets sketch?

3
0
Paris Hilton

You are being short sighted

I keep hearing how Paris benefited from her sex tape, but to be honest I don't see exactly what she has gained that is so great and that she couldn't have had otherwise: A couple of shitty and flopped films here and there, some low-rating shows for retarded teenagers with no hope in life other than winning the lottery and that's about it. You forget that she was very rich to begin with, so it wouldn't have been too hard to get these opportunities anyway, as money can buy you connections. The fact of the matter is that in the long run, the 'unsuspecting victims' of such tapes get burned by these things in my opinion, as they establish a slutty image.

Although for hopeless individuals like Lohan I think that indeed a short burst of fame is better than nothing, so this could well be staged.

2
1
Paris Hilton

At a guess

"to be honest I don't see exactly what she has gained that is so great and that she couldn't have had otherwise"

Media attention. Not so great to you or me but apparently some people need it quite badly. Or the gossip-mag-buying public need quite badly for them to need it quite badly. Or something.

Paris 'cos I'm about as insightful as she is.

0
0
Joke

Short sighted?

Or just going blind?

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Publicity?

As in, well-known enough to make a killing with mediocre designer-handbags, perfumes and whatnot? Forget the movies etc., she's one very rich girl these days, even disregarding handouts from daddy.

2
0
Anonymous Coward

47 seconds?

I'm not suprised she's pissed off, She's entitled to expect a bit longer than 47 seconds surely?

0
0
Coffee/keyboard

You can't say things like that on the internet!

Dear The Register,

Hopefully you will have now received the bill for 1x Lenovo T61 that your wit has cost me as with your statement of, and I quote "it's Lohan who gets the eyeful" it is now coated in a mouthful of coffee (although the quality of the coffee is questionable, even before it was deposited onto said laptop.)

Crude? Yes. Funny as hell? You bet. El Reg, Bravo.

1
1
Boffin

lenovo?

Pah, it'll take more than a coffee based attack on a Lenovo ThinkPad to kill it.

My R61 had a large glass of water knocked over it by SWMBO, the drain holes in the keyboard saw that minimal impact was achieved.

2
0
Bronze badge
Thumb Up

I can go one better

I had a Samsung X20 which was inoperable because some unidentifiable sticky goo had gummed up the keyboard.

I removed said keyboard, put it in the dishwasher (economy cycle) and hey presto - after 2 days drying out on a radiator it worked fine.

By the way - I don't think the unidentifiable goo was jizz, on account of it being a strange orange colour. But you never know with laptops do you?

0
0

Huh ?

"a spurious, unofficial website"

You don't own the world my dear

1
0

Self-Streisanding

Lohan is self-Streisanding.

She's making a fuss about it, in the hope that it has a "Paris" effect on her "career"

Pathetic

0
0
(Written by Reg staff)

Re: You are being short sighted

I believe Paris accrued what is known as a fuckstack of cash in the years since the vid. She really made it work for her - she's very nifty in playing up to people's preconceptions about her. Not that I think she's secretly a classical scholar - she's just embraced a certain public image in a clever (and quite brave) way. She was lucky because she wasn't very well known at the time, and wasn't trying to be taken seriously as an actress. Since people's opinion of her is generally low, she plays to that, and knows that it can be an advantage - when people expect little of you as a frivolous slut, you can only surprise them.

It's sad for Lohan because she's trying to clean up her image and doesn't have that clean slut-slate advantage that Paris did. She's going to have to just er, take it on the chin, and wait for it to blow over.

Oof, I see what I done there. What a mess.

15
1
Thumb Up

@ Moderatrix

awesome stuff :)

HOWEVER that's ANOTHER keyboard drying out in the airing cupboard now <sigh>

0
0
N2

Lets be friends?

AFIK LL is a lesbian,

& theres not a (real) man alive that dosnt lust for a three way with her & her girlfriend.

0
0
Stop

Yes

Yes there is

2
0

No, she's bisexual..

You don't stop being bi just because you're in a monogamous relationship..

Not all of us lust after threesomes, incidentally.

I'm still trying to calculate exactly how much a 'fuckstack' of money is - is it more or less than a shedload?

I feel slightly sorry for Lindsay, but she is very much in the public eye. Sometimes you just have to face the hard things and suck it up. An alternative is diversification into the publishing or fashion worlds - which would be better : book, khaki? ;)

0
0
Silver badge

Eh? 3-way?

Her "girlfriend" looks like an android to me.

Now Willow and Tara, that's a different matter. :-)

Yeah, I know, they aren't real people; less litigeous and equally likely to happen in reality - I mean who'd wanna have a threesome with LL & co? End up on some cheap glossy magazine. And what, show it to your friends? Is that how you'd classify having "made it"? Sheesh! There's a LOT more to life than that.

0
0
Thumb Up

Weights and Measures

Shedload < Fuckstack < Fuckton < Metric Fuckton

5
0
Happy

Please please please...

... tell me this was an intentional pun!!

"Sometimes you just have to face the hard things and suck it up. "

0
0
Happy

what about..

What about jewellery as an alternate business line? I hear pearl necklaces are back in vogue.

0
0
neb
Thumb Up

@Peter Kay

don't mention sheds, they'll all be coming out of the woodwork now

0
0

Sorry Neb

It's happened before - they awl hear about it and nip on a plane. After standing in file to collect baggage, it's past customs to check for vice. The route is long and torturous and more frustrating than a jigsaw, so fortunately many give up and varnish into the mist.

0
1
Bronze badge

Don't worry, Ms Lohan

Everybody ****s.

(Well, my apologies to people who want to **** but haven't yet found the right person. Or animal. Office furniture. Whatever.)

Maybe your popularity with some prissy to freakish Americean moral organisations will take a dive. But it will blow over. In perspective it'll be just one little hump in an otherwise successful career.

1
0
Paris Hilton

Bukkake?

Was she pampering herself with a facial?

0
0
Bronze badge

What the hell?

Since when does giving a blow job make someone a slut anyway?

3
0
Paris Hilton

We don't want Paris no more!

Can we get a Lindsay post icon now please?

Thanks

0
0
Paris Hilton

@ You are being short sighted

I believe Paris benefitted by a sort of immortality, through the commentards on El Reg using her as an icon.

Paris, 'cos... well...

0
0

@Sarah

Moderatrix, we saddoes love it when you talk dirty - even if it's only by innuendo :)

As to that 'particular sex act' perhaps there's a clue in the next paragraph... "Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing..." Ahhh, Fergie enjoyed a good footing didn't she? No. It can't be that because El Reg reveals that "it's Lohan who gets the eyeful."

Hey! Have you guys *seen* the clip?

0
0
WTF?

I may be stupid, but...

surely getting a private facial is less shocking than getting out of cars with no knickers on?

0
0
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Commando Limbo

A number of years ago Mrs Cowherd and I were holidaying on St Lucia. During the requisite limbo competition one young lady was *most* reluctant to join in. The reason became glaringly obvious when, after much haranguing by the host she eventually did.

The *really* funny bit was the bloke next to us filming it all on his camcorder. He didn't bat an eyelid, just kept on filming. I assume the viewfinder didn't have the resolution to show what had been revealed, and as there were no TVs in the rooms he wouldn't see her in all her glory until he got home.

I get this image of him inviting all of his friends and elderly relatives round to look at his holiday vid......

6
0
Paris Hilton

Surprise!!

Oh boo hoo. Didums, I can't imagine the mental torment she must be suffering, the poor wee lass ... after all, we've all seen her beaver getting out of a car.

If you're going to allow yourself to be filmed bestowing an intimate blessing upon a rather long member of the opposite gender then don't be surprised if it rears its ugly head on the internet for cash, especially if you become as famous, hot and slutty as - say - Lindsay Lohan.

1
0
Joke

"a rather long member of the opposite gender"

So you've seen the video?

Or are you just projecting your own homosexual desires?

Enquiring minds would like to know.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Bah

47 seconds of dodgy video for a blob or two of nut custard? You can ptertty much get that on Channel 4 after 11 pm.

0
0
Coat

Tape

Why are sex tapes still referred to as such? Surely 'sex bluray', or 'sex mp4' or 'sex flash' etc (depending on the format) would be more appropriate. Yet more proof that the public are not tech savvy!

Mines the one with a VHS "mucky video" poking out the pocket!

2
1
Troll

Hmmm...

iSex Webzine 2.0

0
0
Anonymous Coward

D'oh

When will 'celebs' learn?

Don't film anything in the bedroom. Never go topless anywhere outside. Wear knickers when climbing out of a taxi.

Simple.

1
0
Thumb Up

Preemptive strike

How about a playmobil reconstruction on el Reg before said short grumble flick see the light of day?

1
0

Personally

I cannot wait for this video. Only way to describe this, would be awesome.

0
1
Coat

A little perspective, people...

So she (who is she anyway?) has been videoed having oral sex with some guy, who has then released the footage - and she's concerned about the effect on her image?

Let's be adult about this (unintended pun) - she's given a blow job. Big deal. Happening up and down the nation as we speak! Does this make her such a bad person?

Personally I think whoever released it just needs a bit of a moral ass kicking - but I don't see how this reflects on her.

I don't know what came over you all lol...

3
0
Paris Hilton

Suppose no harm in looking

Least the company which is next door and there unsecured wireless connection will come in handy (no pun intended).

Paris as she was the 1st :-)

0
0
Silver badge
WTF?

Lindsay...

... who?

0
0
Anonymous Coward

RE: D'oh

They have learned. And learned well.

A quick nip slip, tit flash, beaver shot, bikini-rearrangement or "homemade sex tape that was never intended to be seen" gets exposure*, column inches* and their face (etc.) back in the news which gets them talked about and from that gets them work which gets them money.

Why do you think "celebs" have a tendency to wear black tops and no bras? under normal lights everything appears nice an respectable but under a quick burst of light (like a camera flash maybe) the top becomes see-through for enough time to get on film but not enough for anyone actually present to notice. This has been going on for years so it can only be still being done by design.

* yes I saw what I did there. I tried not to but I couldn't help myself.

0
0
Anonymous Coward

Photoshop!

It's not quite magic, but it *can* do what even high powered floodlights and bottle of dettol can't.

When NSFW is no longer relevant (v. important) and should you be interested in such things ,look up "flesh mesh photoshop", and you can see how trivial it is to render a full layer of clothing invisible through the use of genuinely harmless and professionally useful filters.

I dare say if that level can be done in five minutes by someone looking for titillation, it's pretty trivial to pull of something more discrete/scandalous for up to and including a shed load of photo nabbing money.

0
0

Page:

This topic is closed for new posts.