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back to article Loud sex woman coughs to ASBO breach

The Tyne and Wear woman whose raucous lovemaking was described as "murder" and "unnatural" by neighbours has admitted breaching an ASBO ordering her to turn down the volume. Caroline Cartwright, 48, was hauled before magistrates back in April for five breaches of a noise abatement order which required her to cut the decibels …

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Green eyed monster

"Recorder Jeremy Freedman disagreed, and said of the Cartwrights' sexual performance: "It was clearly of a very disturbing nature and it was also compounded by the duration - this was not a one-off, it went on for hours at a time. It is further compounded by the frequency of the episode, virtually every night.""

Methinks Mr Jeremy Freedman may be a tad jealous.

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Coat

Visit the bbc news site

..and look at the pictures. I really don't think anyone's jealous. Anne Widdicombe and John Prescott would be more alluring.

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Paris Hilton

MP3 or it didn't happen.

as title.

ttfn

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Pint

My favourite part from the BBC website

"Neighbours, the local postman and a woman taking her child to school complained about the noise."

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N2

Playmobil

scene of crime report?

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"You have the right to remain silent."

But i guess she gave it up.

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Anonymous Coward

You have to suspect ...

... it's being done on purpose, probably to get on the telly.

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Paris Hilton

Both?

"The noise sounds like they are both in considerable pain"

I wonder why we never hear about the chap getting in trouble... It takes two to tango, no?

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Coat

Well...

To give the woman her due, she's getting her oats, despite having a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle.

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Brilliant

"...a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle."

That sir, is brilliant, and I shall be adding it to my repertoire with immediate effect.

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Coat

ah come on...

Didn't the Police just ask her to come quietly..??

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Paris Hilton

ho ho ho

How did Lester miss this one. I vote that this is made the new subtitle!

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Joke

Title - bah

Wont someone shove something in that womans mouth to shut her up!!

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Happy

Porkies

Makes me think of Lassie in Porkies...

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Poor Rachel O'Connor

Rachel O'Connor explained: "... I have never ever heard anything like it."

Time to trade in your partner for a better model?

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Joke

Solution...

Why didn't the neighbours just club together and buy the poor lass an inflatable ball gag to wear during her love making sessions? I suspect it would of saved a lot of wasted time and money on courts and what-not.

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Boffin

Record it, and post it on the web

Enough said.

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Dead Vulture

Is the reason you didn't link directly to the BBC item...

... because you don't want us to know you've stooped to lifting stories so old that they're starting to smell? This one has been out for over a month.

>"http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wear/8352729.stm

>Page last updated at 15:15 GMT, Tuesday, 10 November 2009

>E-mail this to a friend Printable version

>Noisy sex woman loses appeal bid"

Hey, wait a minute! I figured out what happened: you saw it was on the list of "Most Popular Stories Now" in the sidebar on the BBC news website and didn't realise that it was an old story that was kept high because it was still getting clicks but thought it was current, didn't you?

It's just like how all those old stories keep getting picked up and circulated as if they were new, like that one about the guy marrying a goat, or the one about the airline being in financial trouble that was years out of date but caused a dive in their share prices!

Heh, that's pretty funny for a tech website. I think I finally found the IT angle!

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Happy

Not trying to be funny, but....

Isn't it her husband's fault? After all....

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IT Angle

Oh, I also found another IT angle: how to solve the problem using WiFi

http://thechive.com/2009/11/23/daily-afternoon-randomness-21-photos-2/weird-random-pics-17/

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Unhappy

Anything can be made illegal.

That's right folks. Thanks to Tony's ASBOs, anything you do that another person considers offensive can be outlawed.

ASBO: One law to control them all.

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Mordor

One law to control them all, one law to find them, one law to rule them all and in the darkness bind them.

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Coat

unnatural?

was she yodelling?

Mine's the one with a copy of The Sound of Music in the pocket.

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"She was, however, cuffed on 18, 22 and 26 April"

Well no wonder she got over excited!

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Happy

As the sweeny would say,

You're going dahn you slag.

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No AC, it's todays story

To the idiot AC complaining that it's old news, here's the BBC article, dated 15th December 2010 (i.e. today):

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wear/8413974.stm

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WTF?

15th December 2010 (i.e. today):

Err, can I borrow your time machine....?

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WTF?

Precrime?

She got done for getting done, repeatedly and loudly 12 months from now?

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@ AC 17:04

In fact, the November news report (per your link) was about the woman losing her appeal against the ASBO being placed on her.

She was up in court today for breaching said ASBO.

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Happy

Mea culpa

Oh, yep, you're both right, there is a new story about it today! I did do a search, but only the older story showed up in the google results, and when I checked it and then clicked the sidebar link I didn't notice they were two separate pages because of the near-identical layout, photograph, and wording of those two stories - did you notice the first four paragraphs are almost word-for-word identical? So it's a fair cop but on the other hand I was done up a right kipper!

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Paris Hilton

Film Career

I think a career in films awaits. She can't be any worse than most of the British porn I've come across.

Paris, 'cos she could do with being a bit louder from what I've seen.

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The law's an ass but that couple are dogs

If they are fucking each other's brains out, good luck to 'em. Hauling them before the beak for getting down'n'dirty seems rather OTT. That said, you'd think they'd have the good manners to keep the windows shut and I can sympathise with the neighbours too.

I've just seen the photo of 'em on the BBC news site - jeeze aitch, it's stomach-churning! What the hell do they see in one another?

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Coat

It's got to be

either length, girth or money.

/ The one with the earplugs in the pocket please...

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Troll

Science or Tech? I'm confused

The Register's title proclaims Science and Tech; could you explain which title this news item fits under.

As for the twit, Mr Jeremy Freedman, he is most likely a 'missionary' aficionado and his partner is most likely is so uninspired by his performance that the party falls asleep and makes no responsive noises.

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Thumb Down

Unnatural vocalisation

Guilty of 'unnatural' vocalisation?

Half the contestants on X Factor are guilty of unnatural vocalisation, but they dont get ASBO's.

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Bronze badge

"Put a sock in it"?

Put a sock over it, more like, with that boat.

'Course, she could be reading EL Reg's advice about not giving her man pig flue (chuckle), and gone for the Reverse Cow 'girl' position. Then unless there's a mirror in the bedroom, he could just imagine he was in Paris...

Grief, her hubby needs a medal. I bloody couldn't, with any amount of beer goggles.

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WTF?

Have you seen the state of it..?

How, for the love of God, does he even get it up?

Yikes!

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Unhappy

Well it's not like he's no Tom Cruise himself.

Seriously, he looks like My Name Is Earl, only about forty years older and uglier. I guess the opposite side of de gustus non disputandum is that beggars can't be choosers ...

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Joke

Looks like

... Something from the pages of VIZ

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WTF?

"she failed to put a sock in it"

She'd certainly put *something* in it...

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Coat

You didn't read the full article.....

...at the end it says she 'threw the towel in"

*hurp*

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Coat

Cider has been proven...

Perhaps she had been drinking heavily before her bedroom antics started?

Scientists have recently discovered a link between drinking certain types of alcohol and loud bedroom antics, although many people already claim to have known this for some time.

New research has shown that some types of alcohol have significantly more noise-producing properties than others, with cider being fingered ass the most potent of all.

Researchers were even more surprised to discover that some brands of cider have significantly more potent effects than others, with Tom Dickens Cider being singled out as the strongest noise-producing tipple discovered.

9 out of 10 women surveyed said they loved Tom Dickens Cider at least once a day, sometimes more often. Two women also reported that during cold weather, a nice hot Dickens Cider was a great way to warm up and let the stress of the day melt away.

Scientists are probing deeper into this new hole food drink, and Richard Head, the company spokesman said "Tom Dickens Cider is eager to penetrate this new market opening to get a head of the comepetition, and is delighted with this news."

Check the scientific papers below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXbpZnYmo38&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KH7WlLjKW5w&feature=fvw

OK OK, I'm going already!

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Megaphone

She's faking it.

Call me a cynical terrapin if you like, but I suspect that most of this noise was made whilst sat in front of the telly, de-fluffing her navel etc etc.

She probably sees it all as a fight to the death with her neighbours and refuses to let them have the last moan.

Bullhorn - for obvious reasons.

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As the saying goes...

"It doesn't make any difference what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."

Errm, and do it quietly.

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Bronze badge

Missing the point...

...The point is not whether or not said person was loud during sex. The point is she was told her ullulation was too high on the decibel scaler and she did nothing to abate it.

Nobody's asking her to stop, they were asking her to keep the noise down. All she had to do was sound-proof her room/house. It should not be up to the neighbours to soundproof *their* house (or block their ears) because she feels the need to shout out loud during the act.

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Anonymous Coward

RE: Cider has been proven...

"being fingered ass the most potent of all."

i'm sure it is

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Happy

@AC - 10:20 Being fingered ass....

Well, now we got a good idea what caused all that caterwalling....

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Paris Hilton

Tyne and Wear

Sounds more like Wear and Tear.

Paris... plenty of wear and tear...

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As in the seasonable joke

I got a sweater for Xmas.

I would have preferred a screamer or a moaner.

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Coat

Broken ASBO? Obvious solutions

The punishment should fit the crime: Bang her up, I say.

Oh, hang on a moment....

/ coat, with ear defenders in the pockets

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