Cosmopolitan's recent advice on how to avoid copping a dose of pig plague while getting your rocks off - specifically by avoiding the missionary position - prompted the Vulture Central Public Health Bureau to compile an equally nifty cut-out-and-keep guide. Yes indeed, you can't be too careful in these high-risk times, and those …
You've made my friday once again!
I am not the one to throw big words around....
...but this is Playmobil Guide To End All Guides!
Or at least the right way to end every Friday.
Thank you very much!
Your rating for this article
Surely, there's only one possible rating for this ....?
Paris, who else?
Why oh why ...
... oh why, isn't there a Play Mobil re-enactments category in the Turner prize?
Simply put, you have made my Friday.
That is all.
Now, purely in the interests of research, could does anyone have any handy links to said Natalie Portman nipslips?
"...proceed directly to hospital, where the sterile environment means there's no chance whatsoever of you passing H1N1 to any intimate female friends or paparazzi who might want to visit"
But instead you'll probably end up with MRSA, or whatever this week's superbug is!
That isn't safe for work. I've just been sacked.
Coat, for obvious reasons...
I love Fridays!
Goes beyond awesomeness into a whole new realm of jaw-dropping brilliance
One for the Reg's tame lawyer. Have we broken the new obscenity laws by even looking at this vital health information? If so, I can't wait for the trial.
(And is that Lewis inside the scuba outfit - the face mask was so steamed up it was hard to tell)
Obnoxious, yer honor!
"since most Reg readers have never seen a woman naked"
I protest! Have too. Just not in the same room as me, that's all.
OK, alright, I'm leaving, no need for the cattle prod...
Pure Class as ever.
Although I'll never be able to watch "Calamity Jane" in the same light after that first pic!!
Can we have one about photographers and the police state?
should bin their article and link directly to this.
And I have seen a woman naked, I've got lots of er... pictures... of real females without their clothes on.
What made this NSFW?
Did I miss something?
And BTW, I think you have way too many PlayMobile figures.
... This is why I keep coming to El Reg, day in, day out.
That was a great way to end the week. Well done Mr. Haines.
More like this please.
We had our office Christmas party last night and frankly I'm good for nothing today, so if you could churn out more of this sort of thing I'd be very grateful.
Hey, where's the special?
No Optimus Prime this time, eh?
Does our friend Lewis Page know about these photos of his boudoir?
Pirates, as he will have you keel hauled if the answer is 'no'.
I liked this so much I [Censored] my [Censored] until it was red raw!
... And then my secretary walked in! She was surprised and shocked at first until I suggested that she [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] her [Censored] [Censored] in the broom cupboard while I [Censored] my [Censored] [Censored] all over her [Censored] [Censored] and [Censored] [Censored] [Censored].
It was at that point that she showed me a side that I thought never existed! She said that she wanted me to [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] her [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] into a [Censored] [Censored] while she [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] and also while the office temp, Steve, [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] at [Censored] [Censored] and inserted seven [Censored] [Censored] [Censored], plus a hamster!
In short... Best. Friday. Ever!
..you, Sir, have too much time on your hands.
More worryingly (tho' not to me I hasten to add) is your plastic perversion: is it legal for a grown man to own this many pieces of playmobile?
On a lesser note, why does the reverse cowgirl feature two women? As a bloke in IT, anything so adventurous is clearly beyond my wildest imagination and I demand an explanation. In full. Preferably with a video accompaniment.
Thank you Lester - Rockall lives on, albeit in spirit.
However are you guys going to top this one, one wonders.
Lester, you've beat all your past efforts
And here I am spouting off with happy ejaculations of congratulation. It's a little wet out, getting my coat....
count as extreme porn?
I salute you, Mr Haines....
Just when I thought the content on El Reg couldn't become any more depraved, you once again, excel yourself.
All your models are wearing clothes. Have I been doing this wrong?
You guys are blood sick.
- Elon Musk's LEAKY THRUSTER gas stalls Space Station supply run
- Windows 8.1, which you probably haven't upgraded to yet, ALREADY OBSOLETE
- FOUR DAYS: That's how long it took to crack Galaxy S5 fingerscanner
- Batten down the hatches, Ubuntu 14.04 LTS due in TWO DAYS
- Did a date calculation bug just cost hard-up Co-op Bank £110m?