“We should enter one of those Innovation in IT awards!” the Boss burbles one day, sidling up to the PFY and myself in a pseudo-ingratiating manner. “We should what now?” the PFY asks. “IT awards. We should enter one – it’s a great way of raising the company’s profile.” “Oh, the company’s going to some awards?” I ask. “No, …
Just what I needed
...to get through a 14 hour day at work, stuck here until 9.30 for the second day in a row. Do I get an award for "most excessive reduction of personal time to accomodate additional workload unrelated to job description"?
SHARE the awards (And beer) with THE BOSS?
What happened to KZRRRRRRRRT!
What happened to the Tape Safe?
What happened to the inconveniently missing guardrail?
Of course! they were using the boss as a mean for their end: getting booze for free.
No doubt once the boss stops being useful, he will meet the BOfH's old friends: shovel, floor carpet and compost bin (hopefully, in that order)
Who said anything about sharing?
Boss on podium, PFY & BOFH in (free) bar - what could be better?
but but but....
Just in time
another great BOFH :-)
Love the line about the wheel. I shall have to steal it and use it in situations that do not involve anyone named Travaglia.
The Wheel = PBG
“Refabricate a friction reducing rotary transportation instrument using the algebraic equation x squared + y squared equals radius...”
PBG = Pure Bl**dy Genius ..
Thanks Simon.... another line to remember.. and use..
And now I think its Beer O´clock ....
Perfectly in character
The boss's consciousness was necessary to get at the lager. The Dynamic Duo aren't automatons that kill everything in sight, they have GOALS in mind. One of those goals is beer. And if they don't have to pay for it, so much the better.
Thanks Simon. I *really* needed a BOFH episode today.
Beer isn't a GOAL or even a goal, it's a resource.
Beer the currency for debts that mere money can't settle.
Beer the tranquilliser
Beer the emotional crutch for those who can't socialise when sober
I'd nick the wheel bit but
I doubt anyone round here would get it.
Beyond 2000! Ah, the poor man's Tomorrow's World. How I remember it well.
>SHARE the awards (And beer) with THE BOSS?
Absolutely - the Boss is very handy to push into the path of incoming half-cut congratulatory weasels that always crop up at these ceremonies. Leaving you free to chat up their escorts. Also, a good BofH doesn't show up on film, just in case it might be "evidence". It's good to have a boss to hide behind when the cameras come out.
Let the boss have his limelight, and empty his wallet at the bar, there's always the journey home over the Clifton Suspension Bridge, and that limo door looks a bit loose...
Ow it hurts...
Having done some weight training for the first time in years the other day, I have been wandering around with quite annoyingly severe muscle soreness.
Chuckling away to this episode has literally got my sides aching!!
Noone got zapped, locked in tape safe, fell through floor tiles, tripped down stairs (maybe have this occur when boss given last award), server rack fell on, or thrown into a bin from the roof.
Wait weeks for new articles, and noone dies?
Really disappointing after having to deal with the unwashed masses over a graveyard shift.
Paris, as a night with her allways ends in a "happy ending".
Serious serial killers...
...never kill indiscriminately. They are careful, methodical, and leave no evidence. Gratuitious killing is for amateurs.
@Rebecca Putman - Gratuitous
There's nothing gratuitous about removing a PHB.
As a former national awards judge
It is my sad duty to report that these things aren't as straightforward as BofH thinks.
In short: All the judges get together for a meeting, then the sponsors decide who wins. THE END.
Beer -- resource or goal ??
I suspect some clarification is needed here.
Beer is a resource.
FREE beer is an always-active goal ( or target, if you prefer ) of any self-respecting BOFH.
I'd wouldn't limit myself to just free BEER, I'd try to get (almost) anything for free, (legally).
Oh, this is *SO* true - thanks, Simon!
We've just replaced an old but working VERY business critical mapping system at my place of work with a newly developed, heavily customised program which doesn't work properly. takes ten times the hours and manpower to do some key tasks, cost over a million pounds and *may* be fixed (at more expense) 'some time in the future'. Whereas we *COULD* have spend under £250k for an off the shelf, configurable package (which the rest of our indutry already uses), including unlimited licenses and all the bells and whistles that would automate most of the critical stuff we do.
Naturally, the brass (who naturally have no cause to use it themselves) think it's the bees knees, and recently we got a senior management propaganda e-mail round proudly trumpeting that this pathetic excuse for a program had been nominated for an IT award. You could actually track the progress of the e-mail's opening around the office by the disbelieving laughter...
And don't get me started on our new 'this will solve all our IT problems' implementation of SAP...
Badgers, cos they know more about IT than anyone running it in our company!
Upping the Ante
"“And the award,” our pimped-up celebrity pipes, “for enhanced collaborative virtual private networking in an out-of-hours time window between an awards event organiser and event nominee...”
“Breaking into the awards organisers computer network and replacing the winners with us...” the PFY murmurs."
An El Reg Current Work in Future Progress?
Soon to be ex-boss
And the wording of the anouncement of the last award is going to sink in, and the Boss, having horribly embarrassed the company by cheating, becomes an ex-Boss.
BofH and PFY have had their party, and can mutter sorrowfully about how he had been a competent and knowledgeable Boss, and a pleasure to work with, and how could they have known? And only a lunatic would do such a thing.
A combination of a very long day and hangover are confusing me today
Can someone explain the "x squared + y squared equals radius...” bit please?
(Anonymous to hide my stupidity from the world)
The formula for the locus of a circle centered on the origin (or will be when the radius is squared too)
Basically - draw this graph and you've drawn a circle.
coffee, meet keyboard
"log-based carbon emissions paperwork" - priceless. I'm writing that one down.
...I'd swallowed my tea and put my mug down when I read that line, or I'd be buying my better half another new laptop by now...
"Half the people that judge these IT awards have back episodes of Beyond 2000 on Beta tape behind the couch."
You know you're a really sad ol' git
...if you can recall Beyond 2000...
I can recall
TOWARDS 2000, its public-TV predecessor of the 80's (in this country at least).
Kids today. Sheesh.
Re: Soon to be ex-boss
I thought the BOFH was going soft right up to the last sentence ...
Watch out for the episode where the Boss wins the award for causing a great service to humankind by unintentionally removing himself from the gene pool before he has had a chance to reproduce, courtesy of an act of unimaginable stupidity.
In other words, the BOFH and PFY dispose of him, then seed the websites of various news outlets with details of his tragic "death by misadventure" (as the Coroner would report it). Needless to say, the BOFH and PFY have a cast iron alibi for being in a completely different town on the day, as verified by numerous computer records and CCTV footage (it's amazing what you can do with video editing software these days...)
Its not called Seibel 8 by n e chance lol... Or Sandwell SBS rofl
Wow, that's so 80s. Thanks for bringing up the memories <g>
Tux. Because I don't recall that Linux has ever been mentioned on the show.
Only lacks a few technical details... is someone getting old? Pah. Nevermind, nothing (and noone) beats the good old BOFH!
Is there any other reason to read El Reg?
I thought not.
I remember watching it when it was called Towards 2000...
Came here to say this.