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back to article Police smoke out 300-pound frozen turkey thief

Police in Michigan are hunting an enormous homeless burglar who swiped a family's Thanksgiving turkey. The Jackson Citizen Patriot reports that the Sobiegray family were left facing a fowl-free Thanksgiving, after the man kicked down their front door and raided their freezer on Tuesday night. The suspect in the theft of the 13- …

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Dead Vulture

Front page redesign

I've noticed the front page sponsoring/redesign. There's a bit of space between the last meta tag and the closing </head> tag in your HTML source where you could place a few more ads. Just thought you should know.

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Troll

Adverts?

What are these adverts of which you speak? Does the reg really have them?

Oh, you've not installed Adblock. So sorry.

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Anonymous Coward

"300-pound, 6-foot man"?

Clearly a terrorist photographer!

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Joke

Please...

... no jokes about there being foul play.

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Bronze badge
Joke

Shouldn't be that hard...

...to find a 300-pound (21.5 stone, 135kg) burglar, even in the US...

Oh, wait, ...

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Bronze badge
Joke

@Please...

Don't you mean "fowl" play?

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@@ Please

El Reg has kindly given us a Reply button, so you could have put your comment right under Michelle's.

It still insists on a title though.

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Anonymous Coward

Turkey or chicken

They sure it wasn't a chicken?? that's a tiny bloody turkey

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How in hell

....do you fit a 13lb turkey in your freezer? I know US freezers are big but was this some kind of industrial walk-in freezer? 13lb is the size of a (not that) small child.

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Pint

Re:How in hell

The turkeys come frozen from the store. Though only a small 13 pounder (yes they come bigger) would fit most refrigerator freezers if some what empty. It is typically that a turkey is placed in the refrigerator section to thaw for sever days. It takes time for a bird of that size to thaw.

Cheers

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Bronze badge

easily

we can easily fit a large turkey in our main freezer. One year, when we were having the rest of the family over at Christmas, we fit _two_ turkeys and a ham in there, and our freezer is on the small end as things go locally. (We had turkey and ham leftovers for a month after that...)

To give you an idea of the size of the larger freezers, there was a CSI episode where the Bad Guy (well, Bad Girl in this case) hid the body of the victim (her mother...) in one of the larger chest-type freezers. The freezer was large enough that no-one noticed...

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Happy

Turkey size

We'have a normal sized fridge and have done 11kg turkey's for big family gatherings before. It's a tight fit...certainly want to make sure you don't keep a lot of extras in there but certainly can be done. Where possible we try to buy a fresh one so we know it will not still be frozen in the middle when turkey time comes.

Some people complain about turkey leftovers....but if there isn't enough left over for a couple turkey pies and some sandwiches it leaves me wanting to pick up on of those 14 pound birds just to have "leftovers".

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Troll

In a heartwarming touch...

...couldn't the local store owner have given the homeless a slap-up meal, thus avoiding the heartbreaking unpleasantness of a family suffering a burglary?

Or are some people more deserving of charity than others?

/left-wing bleeding heart

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Thumb Up

I hear you comrade

Of course it is our responsibility to point out the failings of capitalist tools in support of the downtrodden masses. We know that the workers named in this sad example are not themselves closet bourgeois entrepreneurs. They are fellow comrades that were preyed upon by a peer. Let us seize the opportunity of agitating for more political commissars to reeducate the workers on the true focus of the class struggle.

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Bronze badge

heartwarming, alright

he'll have lots and lots of free meals at the local Sheriff's Stockade for about a year before his trial and then lots more in the State Pen.

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storeowner probably donates to Goodwill, Salvation Army, ...

... and local organizations that help with job skills, education, and finding long- term solutions to homelessness instead of giving free food to all and sundry. In my town, we have a handful of soup kitchens who are open to all and give information about where to get real help, plus organizations that work long term solutions for those who want to help themselves (this last bit is key). Giving a homeless guy a sandwich is a great gesture and the compassion behind it should not be squashed, but resources should be put where they will do the most good (most agencies get matching grants or are otherwise able to double or triple the buying power of individual donations, which allows them to help more people).

Also, I doubt the storeowner (or anyone) would foresee that the perp would steal a [still-] frozen turkey -- how did he think he would prepare it? -- let alone from those who showed him kindness (no good deed goes unpunished). The perp's probably off his meds and needs a mental health case worker as well; with luck someone in the justice system will steer him to an agency that can help.

/socially liberal bleeding heart with a fiscally conservative scarred wallet

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Paris Hilton

Floor

"He threw all the food all over the kitchen floor, which wasn't much."

What relevance to their plight is the cost of the kitchen floor?

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300 pounds?

Thats a BIG frozen turkey.

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WTF?

and

he didn't get shot??

it cant be a namerican show then, can it?

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Flame

Turkey Not Cooked?

Here's a solution - lie on the floor, placing the turkey on top of you. Now scream and shout, accusing the frozen fowl of assault. The local law enforcement troupe will soon be onsite to tazer the hapless beast (turkey, that is). A couple of thousand volts of Franklin's finest will soon cook that bird up a treat. Job done.

Of course, if he's anything like UK hobos he'd have his nob up it by now, so best not use the tazer in that case....

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Silver badge

Errrr

That doesn't exactly sound like the description of a starving man does it!

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Anonymous Coward

Defrosting

So it was frozen. A guy that big could stick it in one of his no doubt many crevices and let body heat do it's thing.

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WTF?

Ewwwwwwwwww

And again Eeeeeeeew!

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Happy

I've been the same

When a student. Especially when "Herbal Remedies" were involved.

3AM on a Saturday morning, at the local garage obtaining 10 B&H and 20 mars bars

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Anonymous Coward

and

And a packet of slim blues no doubt ^_^;;

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13 pounds is how many kilograms.

They were not allowed to teach us about pounds and ounces at school as we have the metric system in this country (UK). I know, it would have helped, but it doesn't stop me being completely crippled when buying potatos, and i am 31!!!!!!

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Joke

How many kilograms

1 Kg = 2.2lb (approximatley)

The maths isnt that difficult then is it? (about 6 Kg)

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Computer says...

...136kg.

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@13 pounds is how many kilograms.

2.2lbs to the Kilo.....you obviously weren't paying attention in school.....

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