back to article IBM's cat-brain sim a 'scam,' says Swiss boffin

Responding to its nation's sovereign call to develop electronics with the intelligence of a cat, IBM last week announced a major step in feline gray matter simulation. But professional rivalries clearly run deep inside puss brain replication circles, with a leading neuroscientist blasting the project as a "scam" and a "mass …

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Paris Hilton

First to say ...

Mee-ow !!

Paris: cat-fight at dawn

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Joke

Really? cat-sized brain?

As a cat owner, i'm sure they were going for the low hanging fruit (dog-sized brain) but thought that a computer that only wanted to lubricate its output interfaces and core dumped in the kitchen wouldn't get them the column inches.

so they decide to go for a cat-sized brain, good luck to getting that to work.

the process listing would show 90% sleep cycles all the time, the recycle bin would be full of logs, and the file store full of LOLcats.

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Claws out.

Where's the cat litter and scratching post, then?

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Silver badge
Headmaster

Cat Brain Sim

Look around for dogs

If dog found climb furniture

if tired then do sleep

else

Look around for servant

If servant found do "manipulate servant"

else

lick private parts

func manipulate servant()

rub self on servant leg()

if servant_rub || servant pat then do purr

else

goto start

if servant_kick then do hiss, run, goto start

if servant_feed then do sniff_food

end func

func sniff_food()

if food_smell >= hunger_level then do eat

else

goto start

end func

goto start

I cun haz prize now?

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Silver badge
Thumb Up

Cheshire

I agree. What ever it is they are doing, it's not a simulation of a Cat's Cortex. It's a bigger version of pointless "neuron" models that tell us nothing much about cognition.

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Rarified Nerd Brain ≠ Mollified Herd Brain

This is typical of so many pronouncements by technical professionals who can't conceive how a non-technical person might take their words.

Last one of note was the so-called desktop "electromagnetic blackhole" from Purdue U. that my non-technical friends mis-read as a cosmological black hole in a lab. Sigh.

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Pint

useless use of cat

I already nominated this for a Useless Use of cat award. But maybe the story has even less to it.

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Terminator

IBM

IBM, once the biggest IT company has become so irrelevant today. With all that puss power all they can do is sell Point Of Sell (POS) systems...

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Pint

Perfect application waiting for this

Once we have a simulated cat cortex it simply must go into the executive module of the first Infinite Improbability Drive. What shall we name the starship to contain it? I suggest Heart of Goldfish.

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Terminator

Attack of the killer non-sentient-node-brain.

"meow" said the computer, as it launched the nukes.

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Silver badge

One small step for Man ... One Quantum Leap for HyperRadioProActive Womankind*

"It's not artificial intelligence we're after here." .... IBM spokeswoman

Then pray tell what intelligence you are after, IBM. Is it IBM's conclusion/prognostication that Man's Intelligence is Failed and needs to be Replaced/is being Super Seeded?

What are you then using to make your decisions? The Intelligence of Women ..... or is IT AAA Phormed BaseMetaData Phished and Zipped from Virtual Space Communications in the Great Plagiarism for Lead Drive in a Grand New Real SurReal Intelligence Design for Virtual Reality Immersion and Conversion.

And if not, why not ....... whenever the Facility is so Freely Available....... and would Offer everything so Differently and thus Immediately Eliminate Conflicts ..... and a NIRobotIQs Program which A.N.Other HPCombine is Realising in the Rising Sun East?

* Or would that be too Alien a Program for Immediate Full Comprehension?

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Basically...

10 Meow

20 Eat

30 Scratch furniture

40 goto 10

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TRT
Silver badge
FAIL

So they are after...

. It's not artificial intelligence we're after here.

So what are they after? Real stupidity?

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

Bronze badge

I have one already

All it takes is windows and a few applications running and it seems that my laptop begins to behave in whimsical and inexplicable ways,often choosing to sleep for extended periods. That would probably pass a feline equivalent of a Turing Test already.

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FAIL

@AC 00:53 GMT

IBM are still big in processing. Most games consoles use IBM's PowerPC core, and the PS3 even uses PPC cell processing. Laboratories use cell processors for computational tasks too, because of the need for high speed and accurate results.

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FAIL

Thought persists through time

Consciousness can not be time sliced through a CPU, thoughts that took place in the past have a bearing on thoughts that take place in the present. If this did not happen the brain would need to grow expediently to accommodate more advanced though processes. I believe these kind of through time anomalies have been observed in sub atomic particle physics.

What comprises you is every thought you had from the moment you were born to the moment you die, all of which work together as a whole to give you conscious thought. Without that persistence through time all you have is lump of gray goo that is capable of very little.

Can I have my award now for solving the mystery of conscious thought please?

I guess not as philosophers will only accept that you are capable of having ideas if you reach level 3 in their club.

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Joke

vLOLCaT()

I can haz $636865657A627572676168 now?

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Big Brother

Too difficult?

They ought to practice on something simpler, such as simulating the brain of a NuLabour minister.

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WTF?

IBM Management brain next?

...or was that last years project?

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Welcome

Tells you something about intelligence:

They make computers out of cats

They can only make make soylent green out of people

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Silver badge
Joke

@ Number 6

They've already simulated the political brain (not just NuLabor)

Ever heard of dev/null ?

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FAIL

IBM has claimed more than just simulating a cat size cortex

As if the original claim wasn't bad enough they went further and claimed (publicly @ http://twitter.com/smarterplanetau) :

"IBM makes supercomputer significantly smarter than cat "

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PR fail

To be fair, a cat's brain-sized NN does not constitute a cat's brain any more than a pile of bricks constitutes a house, or methaphors to that effect.

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Paris Hilton

RAWR

IBM: "All your catz are belong to us!"

Because Paris purrs!

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