back to article LHC dimensional apocalypse from midnight: Your thoughts

Well, this is it. In the early hours of tomorrow morning, scientists at the controls of titanic machines situated in mighty hollowed-out caverns and tunnels deep beneath Switzerland will begin to unleash forces so vast and complex as to tax the very limits of human comprehension. The mighty Large Hadron Collider, most powerful …

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9 times out of 10

"One anonymous coward considered this and brought up one of the best-known rules of science, at any rate the science one learns - as we learn ours here at the Reg - mostly from chaps in the pub.

But what about if by a million/billion/whatever to one chance we are the first "intelligent life" to emerge. Someone has to be, and we all know that the thing about million to one chances is that they happen nine times out of ten."

Or indeed the Discworld books.

Ready. "It's a million to one chance..."

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go down with a pint in hand.

Classy.

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Anonymous Coward

Well, see you Monday ..

... that is if it exists, ever existed or otherwise meaningfully exists in an equally meaningfully similar way to other Mondays we have known and loved or not loved so very unwell?

Well, I can barely muster the strength to go smiley :-]

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Unhappy

Nice

Where's my comment then? I'll have to enter the parallel universe gateway thingy and post something funnier I guess :(

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Not worried

No matter if we do get invaded from a parallel universe - Ace Rimmer will pop across too and save us!

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@Valerion

The speed of light does not apply to the expansion of the universe, cause it's not going anywhere, it's just getting bigger. The cosmic word is inflation.

B

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Coat

If in doubt, check here...

http://www.HasTheLhcDestroyedTheEarth.com/

lifted shamelessly from http://www.pointlesssites.com/

:-)

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Grenade

Did I forget anything?

Crowbar? ...check

Pulse rifle? ...check

Spare mags? ...check

Laser tripmines? ...check

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Anonymous Coward

"to tax the very limits of human comprehension"

"to extend the very limits of human comprehension"

There fixed that for you.

/smacks own hand for being serious

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Alert

Planetary soup

If you're going to make planetary soup, you're going to need some mighty big croutons. I hope the finest minds in science have taken this into account. Failing to do so would be simply churlish.

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Pint

@Lee Dowling

"If we could, we'd be witnessing Big Bangs and self-created black holes all over the cosmos and they would be our primary indicator of "intelligent life" ... But if we don't at least try, we might as well have stayed in caves eating cold veggies because we had no tools to hunt or cook with."

You are missing the point, good sir! It probably *has* happened several times already, resulting in the formation of a new universe each time. This time we're the first to get to that stage.

Or, possibly, aliens have got to that stage and when the experiment was proposed it was met with a "WTF? Are you insane?" type response. Only humans would be daft enough to spend billions of Galactic Credits on building something to wipe out the universe.

Still, it's Friday so I'm not going to let the destruction of the universe spoil my weekend.

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Meh

I thought everyone knew that without careful planning transdimentional doorways almost always form at the centre of a large mass, usually a black hole, but if you're lucky just the COG of a star.

I assume they have the proper equipment for closing a jammed open doorway yes?

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Pint

The English solution:

KEEP CALM

and

CARRY ON

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Pint

Dec 3rd?

Hmm, I'm flying out of GVA on Dec 3rd, at about 3pm. Will the airport still be there? I'll drop you all an email if I see any black holes.

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Welcome

watch it live here...

http://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.html

I for one welcome our new swiss boffin overlords.

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I can't believe nobody's reminded you ...

to take a towel with you! Did anyone listen to Ford Prefect?

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Coat

So what is it?

CAT: So, what is it?

KRYTEN: I've never seen one before -- no one has -- but I'm guessing it's

a white hole.

RIMMER: A _white_ hole?

KRYTEN: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole

sucks time and matter out of the universe: a white hole returns it.

LISTER: So, that thing's spewing time back into the universe? (He dons

his fur-lined hat.)

KRYTEN: Precisely. That's why we're experiencing these curious time

phenomena on board.

CAT: So, what is it?

KRYTEN: I've never seen one before -- no one has -- but I'm guessing it's

a white hole.

RIMMER: A _white_ hole?

KRYTEN: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole

sucks time and matter out of the universe: a white hole returns it.

LISTER: (Minus the hat.) So, that thing's spewing time back into the

universe? (He dons his fur-lined hat, again.)

KRYTEN: Precisely. That's why we're experiencing these curious time

phenomena on board.

LISTER: What time phenomena?

KRYTEN: Like just then, when time repeated itself.

CAT: So, what is it?

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DON'T PANIC!

I know where my towel is.

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Alien

War

I want to see a big glowy thing followed by a Dalek/Cyberman war. That would be cool.

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Happy

Not sure about this mini blackhole stuff but...

There have been stories suggesting that a mini blackhole might be formed when it is switched on which would engulf the planet. Although they didn't get it to work properly last time and I didn't find myself being drawn slowly towards Switzerland, I did feel an irresistable urge to buy Toblerone.

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Bronze badge
Flame

I for one

hope it does bring about the end of the world, would liven things up a bit.

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If something does come through...

...it'd better have tentacles or I want my money back.

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Pint

Don't panic ish

I enjoy the uncertainty of this rather crazy experiment. Who would have thought that a bunch of physics boffins would create an over the top theorical dooms day device all in the name of Higgs Boson.

I personally fail to understand how this experiment will magically link the quantum mechanics to Einstiens relativity. Someone still had to do the maths, unless they are trying to contact our foreign dimensional hyper evolved cousins long enough for them to pass through the secret science paper with the formula upon it.

Still whatever happens I'm grateful for the coverage and the nonesense spouted by the ever ignorant but always amuzing army of fuitcakes, pagans and erotic vampires.

Think I'll make sure I have a pint in hand and a towel on standby just to be safe.

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Stop

All of this...

...has already been perfectly foretold in the opening sequence of "Another World".

Oh how I miss my Amiga.

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Coat

Fixed the title

< LHC dimensional apocalypse from midnight: Your thoughts

> LHC Hyper-dimensional apocalypse at Midnight!: Film at 11

There ... thats better :)

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Happy

I love it

" You speak out of both sides of your mouth first you say there is a potential of mangeling the fabric of space-time but then you say "nutballs" (whatever that means) think this could doom earth. WELL WHAT IS IT THEN! CAN IT MESS UP SPACE TIME OR NOT. NICE REPORT! "

Best read with the voice of Morbo the Annihilator from Futurama.

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Unhappy

Disillusioned scientist

If a black hole did come into existence I’d like to think that for the split second preceding our becoming a singularity we could all look down at our feet and see spagettification in action…unfortunately like every other “cool” spacey type phenomena it won’t go down like it does in the movies, it’ll just be a couple of geeks in white coats covering the graveyard shift at cern who notice a blip on a screen or a white pixel on the screen where there should be a black one…

if only physics was really as fun as its made out to be

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Dead Vulture

I wonder

What the switch-on time is? It's be great to keep a lookout for the appr#¤%&#¤&/¤%& NO CARRIER

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Silver badge
Thumb Up

I can see it now...

LHC fires up, portal opens and shuts, then a bit later we get a message from Dimension X:

"Thanks for the preview, I laughed my greelangs off! So, how much for a subscription to that comedy series, The Earth?"

And that's about as serious as I'm taking the whole kerfluffle.

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Silver badge

Bah!

Fools! While you all gibber-jabber like gibber-jabbering gibber-jabberers the so-called "scientists" of the LHC are going to rend the known universe! Including the good bits!

We must join forces to demand these idiotic meddlers in matters they don't understand lay off the Large Hadron bashing and get moving on the flying car, the rocket shoe (with altimiter in the heel) and the kill-o-zap blaster problems. Something with some sales potential anyway. "We have invented a gateway into a Universe where matter cannot exist". How marketable is that? "We made a black hole but it evaporated before anyone could measure it". How can that be packaged as the ideal Christmas Gift?

Scientists! Stop piddling around with cosmic forces beyond comprehension and do *useful* science!

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Joke

Soup

If the world's going to be turned into planetary soup, perhaps it will be like the famous Soup Wells of the The Clangers, and the alien being could be the Soup Dragon.

This could solve world hunger you know. I say bring it on!

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It's Ctululu all over again

Why we never can have nice things.

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Anonymous Coward

"superfluid vacuum-pipe lightspeed doughnut"

*claps*

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boffin-geddon

As a contributing tax-payer, I would feel cheated if some decent fireworks did not come out of this.

Is it so very wrong to demand a boffin-geddon the likes of which we'll never forget?

See you on the other side.

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Faster than a blinking eye...

While you were at the pub, the LHC has had circulating beams:

http://cmsdoc.cern.ch/cms/performance/FirstBeam/cms-e-commentary09.htm

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Am I the only one...

...to read that as "Higg's bosom"?

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@Apocalypse Later

You think you've got problems, I read it as "Higgs Bottom" LOL

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Anonymous Coward

But what about..

the scientists at the controls of titanic machines situated in mighty hollowed-out caverns and tunnels deep beneath France?

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Silver badge

@Did I forget anything?

Yes, your Elder Sign.

Cthulu Fhtangn!

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Thumb Up

@Planetary soup

The birds already tried to help us there.

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Pint

go down with a pint in hand

"Time Gentlemen Please!"

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Coat

Holey Swiss Cheese, Batman!

I met Boson Higgs whilst serving on HMS Hadron, a charming mate of relatively great mass, who had a strange attraction to doughnut holes. Torus to bits laughing as he lepton the beam amidships and was accelerated rapidly to sea, landing in a black hole nearby the 7th planet.

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Unhappy

Points of view?

Sadly this article just reminded me about Barry Took on "Points of View" and I couldn't focus on the subject in hand.

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