Vulture Central's Kelly Fiveash has until now kept a pretty low profile, avoiding the kind of flak which regularly peppers our inboxes as indignant readers vent their spleen and propel steam from their ears. That changed this week, though, when she rather ill-advisedly decided to trumpet a story with the headline "Google to pop …
Fair point, though
It is a stupid headline.
I love you reg
I really do
"For the record, Kelly has already worked at Hooters"
May I be at least the third to say...
Pictures, or it never happened
Seaman Staines? Roger the Cabin Boy?
Don't be too hard on the poor Septic. He probably didn't grow up with such childhood smut-fests as Captain Pugwash, and therefore doesn't fully comprehend how it is possible to be filthy yet respectable at the same time.
Incidentally, I didn't find out what popping / taking a cherry meant until I was 18. But then I lead a sheltered life ... sheltered behind a ZX Spectrum and a Commodore Amiga, at any rate.
Paris, because I thought that was a city too...
How old are your children?
And how come they know what "pop the cherry" means in the first place? Or is this about you being too embarrased to explain when they ask you what it means? And what are they doing googling headlines, if they're so young, that they should be spared the meaning of the term?
IIRC those former colonies of ours have a different meaning to 'popping' than we do, so 'popping the cherry' could have the same meaning of being penetrated by some hot lead (of the gun kind)...
Also did they mean that only girls could have their 'cherry' popped...
It's Friday and I've just got back from a liquid lunch so could be wrong here... or not ;-)
I bet Kelly has been down in the dumps, cause your not a full fledged reporter until you get a commentard being a 'tard about one of your stories.
I would love to know what else his kids have found online that teaches them about the world, let's hope he has a decent filter to keep them away from redhotporn.xxx
Coke recently did a survey on one of their sites - looking for new labels for Cherry Coke - one of them did indeed have "Pop Your Cherry" on it. No idea if it won though.
@Jimmy Floyd: urban myth
It never was:
Reg, keep up the good work!
Kelly, see me after class, please.
The depravity continues
And let's not even talk about the provocative link to "rack mount solutions" I found at the bottom of the article.
Complainant was doing quite well until his last sentence turned the whole thing into an internet snark.
Just as well
Just as well, Jeff's children don't know what a "Cherry" is then.
Either they know how disgusting it is or they are innocent and don't know or care what it is it.
Either way Jeff .... your an arse (no ambiguity there).
"but your choice of words displays a lack of class worthy of the internet dustbin."
You have seen the internet right?! Just about most of it can be chucked in the bin.
*\. Its never too late.
If his children know what popping somebody's cherry is, already, then I don't see how reading an article about Chrome OS is really going to scar their minds. I'd be more worried about the mental health of young children who are either searching for "cherry popping" or the far more concerning "chrome os".
Children Left Unsupervised Horror
Imagine leaving your children to face the naked (oo-er), sharp blade of the web?? Surely not the way to go. In fact, I once used Google to see if it could find obscenity.
I never quite recovered.
@Gordon is not a Moron
Picture? Well, you could try here:
Now, how about a Playmobil mock-up of.... Oh Hell, forget it.
Think of the kiddies!
I wish I'd had over protective parents like that, then I too could have avoided having to discover things for myself and not grown up in to a happy, free thinking human being. Oh how I long for deep seeded psychological problems....
God help them if they ever listen to an episode of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue...
We should have known this was coming (no pun intended)
Kelly's recent piece on MS Office was titled:
Office 2010 beta lands in laps of MSDN, TechNet coders
clearly a reference to her lap-dancing past. Hooters may be the least objectionable part of Kelly's past. One can only hope for further "revelations" as the weeks go by - at the very least a Playmobil reenactment is in order, no?
Kelly worked at Hooters?
Kinda obvious, but someone has to say it:
Pics or it didn't happen.
Call me old fashioned...
OK, you're old fashioned. Now crawl back under your rock until you have developed as a nation.
"She used to work at hooters........" Is just asking for pictures.
....And I don't mean playmobil. :)
Well it is Friday.
Kelly Fiveash for Prime Minister !!
Oh and we're still waiting for pictures ...
I remember trying to explain ISIHAC to an American colleague. It didn't go well.
Welcome to the Internet.
Please get your kids off it.
(untitled) is it, honest
Geben Sie dem armen Amerikanern a break! wenn es nicht für sie wären wir alle Deutsch sprechen jetzt!
Apparently (gotta love Google translate) :D
The Internets! They are unwholesome! Think of the children!
Re: Alternate Meaning
Being a Yank, he wouldn't have been nearly so upset if the headline had a connectkion with guns and violence rather than sex. Americans are strange like that, the "make love, not war" never really caught on.
I feel slightly ill
Just yesterday I was bemoaning how the local corner shop doesn't seem to stock Cherry yoghurt anymore. Its really the only kind I like. Onken. Onken Bonken Cherry Yoghurt? They seem to have stopped doing swordfish too. But it never would have occured to me the two were related. Mind you, they are one of the few places in town you can still get Crunchy Nut Bars.
They don't half walk funny in that shop!
Of that old FOTW...
Maybe they could smoke a fag afterwards :)
Yeah, right, "She used to work at Hooters"
Fuck, I thought this sleazy rag had at least a semblance of decency, I don't need pictures, A) You ain't got none, B) If you did, they'd be fakes or PlayMobile, C) She'd be earning a fuck sight more in tips than you'd be paying in wages.
All this fucking shit about "cherries" wtf is that about, if was anything else you wouldn't be letting her loose giving "head" about all and sundry would you.
Perhaps the editor can explain, if he values his marriage, that is.
OMG think of the children D:
If only nasty evil Google was prohibited from indexing news sources, this kind of horrible occurance would never happen!
"Pop, what is this 'Hooters' to which you refer?"
For his fatherly love, and how he explains his familiarity with the establishment in question.
Now I might be stoopid but
what has Kelly's previous job at a car horn manufacturer got to do with poping cherries ?
But there was a Pirate Willy (snigger snigger) - and a Master Mate, as I recall?
Cherry Yoghurt? Pah!
They have Fanny yoghurt in Finland.
Deep breathe, its friday, relax a little.
Perhaps you should try decaf.
As for the commentard who winged about cherry popping, remember that children are like star systems. The more you tighten your grip, the more they slip through your fingers.
Cherry Yoghurt Part II
Sorry, I meant strawberry...
Do his children know what smells like fish and tastes like chicken ?
Just being curious.
"For the record, Kelly has already worked at Hooters. It was how she paid her way through hack school and goes some way to explaining her headline-writing style."
Is Kelly single?
@ Admiral Grace Hopper
Last week I was actually in front of a lass from New York buying my tickets for the radio recording of ISIHAC next month and did say to her "Hold on, you're American, you won't understand anything!"
is that a reference to the movie X-change?
No only untrue, but repetition of a libel (El Reg mods note) for which The Guardian paid hefty damages.
From a left-pondian.
The single most disturbing thing about "Jeff's" apparent hang up with sex is that, somehow, he seems to have managed to reproduce ... One wonders how.
I've noticed that, here, in the southern large lump of North America, the folks most loudly complaining about other people's opinion of (insert anything personal here, sexual matters being predominant) are the same folks popping out sprog like clockwork ...
Rape & murder story complete with fitting ad:
Say it out loud.
"I bet Kelly has been down in the dumps, cause your not a full fledged reporter until you get a commentard being a 'tard about one of your stories."
So she has popped her commentard cherry then?
Thanks for the nice slow one over the plate.
Paris 'cause ... yadda, yadda, yadda.
How does that guy cope with real life? Being so holier than thou and so righteous, he'd put big J to shame?
So you let your kids loose on the internet and everyone got easily offended by the simple "cherry popping" quip? How the hell do you avoid all the really serious filth that is out there? Reg oftens carries far more adult orientated stories than a simple quip using a fairly well known euphamism for loss of virginity. I think you need to speak to your kids, I think you'd find they more likely know a lot more about what people can get up to with the less hygenic areas of the human body, than you give them credit!
Also, I'm sorry mate, but the the double-entendre and seaside-smut is a staple of British life and the mainstay of the Brit comedy entertainment industry, from the Carry-On films to Little Britain, from Citizen Smith to Bottom!
Vive le smut! Vive la Reg!
@Admiral Grace Hopper
I will have you know that I have introduced ISIHAC to some Americans I know. Two of them are in an improv comedy troupe and have incorporated a couple ISIHAC games ... no small feat, adapting radio improv to live stage improv.
Cheery Cherry Memory...
I am reminded of an 'adventure' in my youth (think late 50's early 60's). My date and I were joined by another couple and went to the Pink Poodle in Waikiki (I live not far by road, not bridge)
The waitress came, took the orders and sounded them to the 'cooks' or 'soda jerks,' if you will.
My date, took her time, and ordered last. She asked for a 'cherry coke' ...
The waitress, turned and sounded out 'ONE VIRGIN COKE!!"
My date, redder than the cherry juice that would have been used to anoint said coke... Immediately changed here order to just a plain coke...
The waitress, turned again and sounded out... "SCREW IT!!"
(This really happened, and I doubt we were the only ones it happened to)
If your critic was offended by your headline in 2009...
And that was not a problem in 1960 Honolulu...
I think the sensitivity level of the audience member involved is set higher than the vernacular of the day, not to mention The Reg.
Maybe, like a good car seat... he should tuck and roll with the punch lines, instead of being like an over inflated balloon chair and getting blown out of proportion.
The Reg has its faults (don't we all) and I don't agree with all that is said. But, I try to criticise not so much the tone and timbre of the writing style, as much as pick at that which I disagree with at a more technologyical or political level.
The land is still somewhat a free country... for now. And you have every right to speak your piece (kind fo like I am doing now). But, trying to muffle humor (humour? gag lines!!) is kind of too politically correct to be in vogue with this site.
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