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back to article New 'reversible' paralysis-ray turns victims blue, flaccid

Canadian boffins say they have developed a fearsome paralysis ray technology which caused test animals zapped with it to "turn blue and become paralysed". The effect is claimed to be "reversible", but is often fatal. Chemistry prof Neil Branda and his colleagues achieved their startling effects by drugging their test animals …

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Black Helicopters

So *that*'s what's happend to poor old Agatha...

http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20091116

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Unhappy

Horrible

This is one of the more horrible things I have read recently. These "scientists" should be locked up for a long, long time.

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Paris Hilton

Yes but,

Agatha and her 'boyfriends' (snigger) turn many different colours (even with patterns) and stay very mobile, so not quite the same thing.

ttfn

PH - cos on some occasions she turns green.

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So not a "paralysis-ray" at all, then?

Just a UV lamp.

The real "science" is in the UV reactive poison, which manages to be both sinister and extremely pointless at the same time.

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Black Helicopters

Excellent idea

Our wonderful government will no doubt take immediate steps to have us all injected with this chemical, so that when the police suspect that someone is a terrorist they can instantly zap them.

It's to keep us all safe, so there can't be any objection can there? The police need to have the power to disable people at whim^H^H^H^Hwill or they won't be able to do their job.

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PMS

Hope this Photocontrolled Molecular Switch doesn't find its way into supplies of Bacardi Breezer or Stella Artois -- or a lot of tanning salons are going to find themselves losing customers fast.

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Coffee/keyboard

keyboard please

'flaccidity and empurplement'

got some coffee out my nose that time, cheers !

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I'm impressed!

That they used worm-thingies and not seals, that is.

(Disclaimer: I'm a Canuck)

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Joke

I call dibs

on the movie rights I am in talks with universal and paromount as we speek and aim for a 2012 roll out

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brilliant

So, now all we need to do is have everyone injected with this from birth and then, whenever anyone creates a problem (like refusing to go for a shower) we can just zap them. I love it!

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Paris Hilton

I think I am one of the initial human test subjects..

Sunlight often causes me massive 'flaccidity and empurplement', probably not uncommon amongst reg readers.

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Jobs Horns

Slightly wrong assumption

The elevated position would more likely be Big Ben under the guise of some sort of refurb. There's no point in doing it on the moon, it becomes a nightmare when you have local contractors involved in the Project.

A good example being the Death-Ray I'm currently building in Hatfield, local contractors, easier to keep track of with my disposable security guards (plus the fact that I can test it, wiping out most of the town and nobody would notice).

(Couldn't use the evil Bill as we're lisenced to use EvilEmpire 2007 software to build our dominance).

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Anonymous Coward

Is this science?

Seems to me that there are some 'scientists' with far too much time on their hands. Moving them to a proper job might be the answer.

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DJV
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@Neil Barnes

You s*d - I've now spent half the day reading Girl Genius! Thanks mate!

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Empurplement

"Empurplement" is my new Favorite Word.

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Grenade

cc http://www.bis.gov.uk/ministers *

"A Photocontrolled Molecular Switch Regulates Paralysis in a Living Organism," ..... aka Television.

A most effective, but pathetically poorly used medium for political and socio-economic abusers .... fat cat losers. However, new scripts being made universally available can change all of that nonsense in a Jumping Jack Flash, eh Gordon?

*"Investing in our future .... Our mission is building a dynamic and competitive UK economy by: creating the conditions for business success; promoting innovation, enterprise and science; and giving everyone the skills and opportunities to succeed. To achieve this we will foster world-class universities and promote an open global economy." TeleVisual Brainwashing with Novel Content Presented as Future Replacement of Past Follies in Failed Policies Delivers an Altogether Different Perspective and more Globalised Perception of Power and Control Parameters and Edutains the Masses in the Collateral Consequences of Ignorance and Arrogance in Rapidly Advancing Knowledge Economies/Societies/Sectors/Control Groups.

A subject being studiously ignored by the No10 fat cats, even whenever it has been forwarded directly to them, for too long. One wonders whose agenda they are serving with their Debtfests

Suck on that pineapple, and deny it if you will.

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Welcome

I for one

welcome this way of dealing with our nematode worm overlords.

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Boffin

Impressed

that so many peeps on the reg knows their girlgenius (sic) :)

mad mad science!

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Bronze badge

And the winner is...

I want to see pictures of the Register's Steampunk reporter in full rig.

(It's the weighted silk scarf tucked into the sleeve: a chap can learn so many useful things in India, while in the service of the Empire)

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FAIL

can't breathe

have these scientists considered that just maybe the test subjects turned blue because they couldn't breathe?

it's plausible that a paralysis can cause a 'subject' to cease to be able to breathe.

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@Horrible

Really - even when the thing being paralysed is a tumor?

Or stopping a twitching muscle to allow surgery around it?

Or allow you to treat an ulcer/stomarch cancer non-invasively with an endoscope rather than cutting them in half?.

The point of this is to allow you to give somebody a set of rugs and then only switch them on at the point you illuminate with a UV endoscope. It's just that their attempt to get some publicity has been tabloided?

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It will never work in people

Had a read. In order for it to work, the chemical has to be concentrated in its head. AND it has to be exposed to the UV light. This works great for worms since they are see through. But in people we have something call a skull which is pretty good at shutting out light.

But two thumbs up for Canuck Science, now back to the igloo, got to get this Global Warming thing happening faster....

(Disclaimer: I'm a Canuck as well)

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Happy

Set Phasers to Smurf

They've all turned Blue captain!

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Empurplement

Last time I saw that work it was on a different kind of website altogether...

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Pint

There's a simpler way

Considering the cost of R&D, manufacturing, distribution and activation of this concoction, why not revert to a much more reliable and probably cheaper method of rendering the population reversibly paralysed: Free Beer.

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Anonymous Coward

Battlefield Scenario's

Interesting. Does it work if the liquid was given to subjects as vapour? It could be deployed on a battlefield- if the stuff was invisible/opaque then opposing force would inhale it potentially. Then you could use the ray.

The possibilities for surgery on tumours etc is great though.

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Joke

@ Martin 6

No wonder the NHS costs so much to run, if every single patient is coming away with a new set of rugs.

"Thanks for coming Mr Johnson, here's your complimentary Axminster. We'll just keep a hold of your large intestine for you, shall we?"

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Alert

Drugrape

If it works in people, control with it needs to be extremely strict.

Imagine a girl in a disco getting her drink laced with it.

The rapist follows her home some hours later, and puts on a mask.

ZAP.

Wham-bam-thankyoumaam.

He might or might not unzap her afterwards.

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@Sillyfellow

AFAIK because nematode worms don't have lungs. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caenorhabditis_elegans>. Mebbe you were doing the irony stuff though but.

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Coat

Could this be inhaled? Or absorbed through the skin?

That would make it far more "weaponisable". I'm thinking along the lines of the 1960s movie daleks armed with fire extinguishers- spray, UV-expose, leave them to either die or save them shortly afterwards. For longer range use I guess you could use a small paintball (Death to the Daleks)?

Also, if it relies on UV radiation to activate it, would people with a high dermal melanin concentration be harder to knock out? Could high-strength sunblock provide an invisible shield against this?

And yes it has peaceful/medical value. But you'll never get lots of publicity and research money for that!

It's the opaque-to-UV one, thanks.

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Coat

Might have a use

dosing up lab animals with it before trying them out with some lethally dangerous compound. Chimps are surprisingly strong and quite dangerous to catch.

Of course turning them blue owuld make skin exams quite difficult.

Mine's the one with a copy of the Hot Zone in it.

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Black Helicopters

Form an orderly queue

Get your Swine Flu vaccine right here...

Tin hat and coat on.

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Stop

More Importantly...

...Never mind all the crazy ideas above (and below); I want to know how they got a Zeppelin dreadnought to work on the moon!

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