back to article US Navy 'PANDA' tech to sniff out 'deviant' sailors

US Navy Intelligence is soon to deploy radical new computer monitoring software able to sniff out "deviations" among hundreds of thousands of sailors at sea on the world's oceans. Rather than some kind of Orwellian porn-enforcement system for use on the USN's own matelots, however, the so-called Predictive Analysis for Naval …

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TRT
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Happy

Yay!

Panda, go panda, go panda!

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Anonymous Coward

sexual harrasment, panda!

when one panda touches another panda's...

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Guessing games

Everyone is trying to guess which is the boat with that North Korean container.

A little to late I guess. It is most likely safely sitting in a warehouse in Docklands or Queens waiting for someone in dire need of antipsychotic drugs to press the button.

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Alternatively

Naval Electronic Learner Spotting Oceanic Naughtiness

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Boffin

Caesars never had IT so Big Easy .... or was that Caligulas?

"* We would offer for consideration: Overwatch Maritime Naval Intelligence System for Collation and Identification of Enemy Nautical Tactics (OMNISCIENT)."

Do you know if they're cruisin' for PRECOGNISCENT, Lewis, to Guarantee OMNISCIENT and remove All Future Doubts for OMNIPOTENCE.

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Anonymous Coward

All that's missing..

..is some kind of giant-laser-in-space gizmo to create an international incident with every dodgy decision..

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Put your money

into bamboo futures. PANDA eats nothing else.

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Grenade

Hmm could it be

Sophisticated

Korean or

Yemeni

Naval

Enemy

Tracking

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Anonymous Coward

Not a new project by any measure..

I know one of the individuals working on this project, personally. It's been in the works at a contractor since at least mid-2008 (when we met), and is VERY far along. It's interesting to come here and read about something that's "news", which I knew about in the summer of 2008.

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strange...

I always thought the navy was quite tolerant in these matters.

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MORE data to sift trough...

...it's not like the slighty surpassed civil servants in the Homecrank Security Department are currently able to manage their terabytes of "leads". Yes, please dumpster dive into every trashcan in the world, why don't you.

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@AC 19:44

that is probably hidden in revision 2's improvement list

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OMNISCIENT

Guess they could call it that -- the Navy isn't covered by truth-in-advertising laws, right?

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Terminator

..."...initilising Stage 1 RoTM..."...

...Stage 2 will be the automated slaving of surface to surface nukes and space based lasers to the PANDA core for interventionless at-sea interdiction of all 'deviant' life forms....

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reinventing the wheel

To be consistent with other domains it should be called the RMP - Recognised Maritime Picture.

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blue on blue

Considering the navigation skills and seamanship displayed by US vessels in the northern and baltic sea it is most probably only a matter of minutes before they start tracking their own citizens.

At least they will stop trying to crush my yacht.

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Pie-rats

It would be cheaper to nuke Somalia and get it over with. What they really need is some of those fake merchant ships like in WW2, looked like a freighter and then when u-boats appeared they dropped panels and gave them some good ole shelling to take home.... to Davey Jones' locker.

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Coat

PANDA searches for ships that...

Eats shoots and leaves?

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Oldie but goodie

I prefer SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion as a replacement for PANDA myself.

Only the finest minds can make it in.

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Coat

Its Friday

Does this mean that when they finally supercede it, the next incarnation will be bigger and better.

Well it will be an Ex - panda

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Re: Pie-rats

I believe that the term you are searching for is a "Q-ship".

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Development phases

Development is split into four phases on the program.

Which makes each phase a quarter-panda.

(Coat please!)

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Re Oldie but goodie

"I prefer SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion as a replacement for PANDA myself." .... By deadlockvictim Posted Friday 13th November 2009 10:24 GMT

Hmmm..... No Such Agency, deadlockvictim.

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WTF?

Re Oldie but goodie #

amanfromMars 1 - Me thinks you are missing the point !!

<strokes white cat whilst placing little finger next to corner of mouth>

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Re: Re Oldie but goodie

"amanfromMars 1 - Me thinks you are missing the point !!" ... By Mike Hunt 1 Posted Friday 13th November 2009 15:02 GMT

And/or probably possibly just playing dumb and slow, Mike Hunt 1? I would certainly agree with the Base Entry Requirement... "Only the finest minds can make it in."

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