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back to article Agincourt: The sensational truth

The news last week that a group of historians had calculated that Henry V's forces at Agincourt weren't actually outnumbered four to one by the French caused a certain amount of dismay here at Vulture Central. Well, we weren't going to take this highly suspect piece of revisionism lying down, and immediately set about re- …

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Obviously True

You have photographic evidence. That's more than can be said for these so-called "historians".

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Beautiful!

Thanks El Reg, that cheered me up on an otherwise completely shitty Monday. However:

"Thousands of them."

Surely you mean "Faaaasands of 'em" ?

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Predictable...

Saw it coming as soon as I read the title, but does that make it any less impressive? Does it fuck.

Love you, Haines. With all my heart.

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effing brilliant...

no really, just hilarious, thank you.

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Still not right....

I'm fairly sure at least one pirate was involved.

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An everyday story of country folk

Some of those French knights are fighting the battle twice - which is just the sort of underhanded, cowardly and despicable trick you'd expect from them.

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Oh dear

>The messengers have just hotfooted it to belatedly tell the king: "The sentries report Frenchies to the south west. Thousands of them."

No doubt they would have won if they'd kept their eyes shut.

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That's exactly how it went

Thanks El Reg for proving that it's always the winners who get to write the official version of history :-)

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Happy

Wonderful

You've outdone yourselves this time, and on a Monday too

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Happy

Genius

"nous ont asswhuppé. Merde"

Superb.

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Boffin

Historical accuracy

Except the Frenchies were in the North, not the South West (although there were a small number of French peasants who nicked some of the Englishmen's luggage during the battle, and that was probably to the south-ish).

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=bataille+d%27azincourt+france&sll=50.461247,2.145424&sspn=0.017676,0.048537&ie=UTF8&hq=Bataille+d%27Azincourt&hnear=Battle+of+Agincourt,+62310+Azincourt,+France&ll=50.463624,2.141647&spn=0.017675,0.048537&z=15

Not that I doubt the rest of your research, of course.

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Joke

Historical innacuracy.

Very close. However, I have it on good authority* that the messenger you refer to was attached to the retinue of the Earl of Essex..

That being so, he would actually have described the French Army as having: "Faaazinds ov 'em".

I'm planning to write a paper to be publishing in a Historical Journal** to prove that there were far fewer "T"s and "H"s used at Agincourt than is generally assumed or recorded.

*Wikipedia.

**The Daily Telegraph

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Wow - so history is interesting after all..

And there I was thinking it was boring, when all along all it needed was playmobile and rupert.

So what about the baggage train and the Genoese crossbowmen? not to mention the french foot-soldiers... oh well, I'm sure they will al make their appearance at some point or another in this moving re-enactment.

Tea break :-)

And I suppose the surfeit of messengers is because of the messenger unions' struggle against modernisation, thus leading to outmoded duplication of effort and redundant personnel? or maybe the're just friends.

ttfn

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Megaphone

It's a trap!

There's two of them!

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Black Helicopters

Who won??

If we won, how come THEY get Calvados and we get Fosters??

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Anonymous Coward

The upside?

At least these lads aren't photoshopped to narrower-than-your-head hips and even narrower waist. They're now all out of a job on account of being dead all the same, though.

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Go

Plus ça change?

C'etait toujours comme ça pour les singes mangeurs de fromage de remise...

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Additional info

Just found this helpful and TOTALLY* accurate source.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Agincourt

* for a given value of totally

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"de le roi Henri"

Cringe.

We few, we sorry few, we language botherers.

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Excusez-moi Madame,

...combien pour envoyer mon pamplemousse en Norvège?

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Pint

fromage de remise?

Discounted cheese? Never, in the field of human conflict,...

Seriously, though. Playmobil and fellating bats, and it's only Monday? You'd better come up with something spectacular for the rest of the week, or it's going to be a reallly loonng one...

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Ou est Le Grand Pamplemousse?

Dans le jardine!

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So how long before...

some yank makes a comment about you nicking Band of Brothers. ;)

Great re-enactment but I'm sure when I studied Agincourt in history Optimus Prime was involved in the background somewhere.

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Where is...

Où est Optimus Prime?

Shome mishtake, shurely?

Cheers

Mark.

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Pirate

Quatre?

"Les anglais - une force formidable du roi Henri, avec quatre hommes et un petit chien diablolique - nous ont asswhuppé. Merde."

Maybe I'm wrong, (its a common experience) but doesn't that say 4 men and a small evel dog?

But theres 5 men..or do twins count as one person these days :D

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Coat

Re: Where is...

Cette transformable robot d'assault "Optimus Prime" et dehors de shot au gauche en full embattlement de les Decepticons Francais, obviousment.

Avec excuses au Kilometers Kingston.

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@ Gythwyn

"doesn't that say 4 men and a small evel dog?

But theres 5 men"

Yup... roi Henri *avec*quatre hommes... king plus four men. And the diabolic canine Rupert.

Lester, you're a genius. "un petit chien diablolique - nous ont asswhuppé"... you had me in stitches.

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Anonymous Coward

Bing, Bing,

Bing went the Frenchies...

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this has been faked

The 3rd guy to the right from the middle, on the front row, has had his axe "enlarged"

See it? Yeah, I thought so too.

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aha

That'd explain it then. :) only did 3 years of french. Id struggle to say my own name and where I lived now. :D

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Obvious fake!

Rupert wasn't a dalmatian! Would Dalmatia have been involved in this conflict, let alone supporting the British? I think not! Rupert was definitely a beagle, as proven by the many members of the French military being dispatched by "la Schnoz du Cold" on the codpiece.

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Troll

How long before

We have a Hollywood "blockbuster" depicting the septics winning it?

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FAIL

"Nous ont asswhuppé"

"We have asswhupped".

It should be "Nous avons été" you hanky waving rosbifs.

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FAIL

Don't want to piss on your parade but...

I have to doubt the historical accuracy of your report. Tea did not come to Europe until the seventeenth century, two hundred years after Agincourt so the English couldn't have been on a tea break. Based on past experience, I would say this story came from a press release issued by the Home Office to distract attention from the deranged drugs advisor story.http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/fail_32.png

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FAIL

@womblewilly

Go back to your Bescherelle and relearn how to conjugate "etre".

"Les anglais nous ont aswhuppé" = "the English asswhipped us"

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Headmaster

Au contraire @Andy J

If only you'd studied your Asterix you'd know that we Brits didn't need tea* to invent tea breaks! We had them in Roman times.

* Probably some kind of sino-indian conspiracy about the discovery of tea but we're magnanimous enough to overlook it. Can't be magnanimous where the French are involved, obviously.

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Hooray! Hooray for Our Side!

This is quite simply the truest thing ever written in the history of the universe. Tears formed in my eyes as I contemplated that painstakingly recreated scene of French brown trousering. You, sir, should receive a Knighthood from a grateful Queen and a Nobel Prize for Telling It Like It Was.

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Now that's settled ...

Can we rename St Pancreas Agincourt Station to go with Waterloo, for our French chunnel passengers?

Of course the French also lost Crecy, Potiers, Malaplaquet, the Battle of the Nile, Talavera, Salamanca, Ramilles, Sluys, Oudenarde, Trafalgar, Dettingen, the battle of Quebec, Louisberg and Warburg, but only because the British cheated.

In return the French can name parts of Paris after battles where they thrashed the Brits. After all they won Lauffeldt, (1747) and got a draw at Fontenoy.

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Dead Vulture

Definitely fake

As in, not even real Playmobil. That's just a 3D rendering - the soft shadows on the foreground characters give it away, not to mention the fact that El Reg does not possess thousands of Playmobil figures (your budget wouldn't allow for the thousands of dollars required for such frivolity). If you're going to try to dupe your readership with such fakery, at least turn on Area Shadow and Radiosity for your final render; it takes longer but would fool a lot more people!

So what 3D app did you use to create that picture, and who did the modelling?

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@ Rickard 102

"Rupert wasn't a dalmatian! Would Dalmatia have been involved in this conflict, let alone supporting the British?"

Why not? We were on your side (and against the French) during the War of the Austrian Succession. If French wine industry was half as good in 15th century as it is today, you'd have a surplus of Dalmatian volunteers. And their dogs, obviously. :-)

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Anonymous Coward

Shouldn't photoshopped pictures be marked as such?

I think TheReg is blatantly showing how much it care for such rules. Many people would be fooled by this picture, notwithstanding the mistakes already pointed out, and the obvious fact that photography was still black & white back then.

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Mais c'est magnifique!

For once, the comments are worthy of the actual piece in question!

However (isn't there always one?), I could only count one Longbowman and one Knight! Perhaps it's because the historic photo (which is delightful) is in colour but my vision, since I'm a Luddite at heart, is still in black and white!

Thanks for such a good laugh so early in the week!

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Fermat's last Playmobil

I have a wonderful proof of this information, but my margins are full of adverts.

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