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back to article NASA to irradiate monkeys for science

It's good to see NASA getting back into the old spirit of space exploration these days. After years of settling for what are essentially low orbit field trips, the space agency is not only setting sights back on the moon, it's reintroducing the neglected trade of doing strange and unusual things to moneys for science. NASA will …

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Coat

Moneys

"it's reintroducing the neglected trade of doing strange and unusual things to moneys for science."

US Dollars or some of that funny foreign stuff?

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Welcome

Cornelius & Vira - Been There Done That

NASA said the monkeys will not be killed and will retire to McLean Hospital in Boston where veterinarians and staff will oversee the animals for the remainder of their lives.

Didn't they do plan to do something similar with Cornelius & Vira.

My grandkids descendents will welcome our eventual simian masters

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Unhappy

Sounds like Project X

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093793/

Sad face shows how the movie made me feel. In a manly way.

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Like Gangbusters?

Either you yourself or a group of you on thereg are using the above phrase way too much. Please make it stop.

For anyone that's interested in the etymology -

http://curmudgeonmanifesto.blogspot.com/2007/01/coming-on-like-gangbusters-by-dana.html

Cheers,

Allan.

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Paris Hilton

We want to know...

If one of them scientists gets bitten, does he become Monkeyman?

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Joke

Why not do that do humans instead?

They could set a sort of a reality show -- whoever survives gets a wig and 50.000 dollars. I bet that there would be takers.

(not that I care about the monkeys :-)

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Igor!!

""Obviously, the closer we get to man, the better," said Eleanor Blakely, a biophysicist at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory to Discovery."

Now there's someone with an itchy We-Belong-Dead-lever finger

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Boffin

ooook ?

Not sure Unseen University 's librarian would like this ... He would see some unfair competition and may go EEEEEK EEEK EEEEK!

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Thumb Up

Good news everyone!

Finally some proper mad scientists are getting round to solving the shortage of mutant atomic supermen!

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Happy

Crazy monkeys?

"NASA said the monkeys will not be killed and will retire to McLean Hospital in Boston where veterinarians and staff will oversee the animals for the remainder of their lives."

In Wikipedia: "McLean Hospital (pronounced /məkˈleɪn/; also known as Somerville Asylum or Charlestown Asylum)"

So a few months in Nasa produces crazy monkeys?

On a more serius note, the not killing the monkeys might be a second part of the test, long term effects of the radiation, to psycological skills and general health.

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Why don't they...

...leave the poor innocent monkeys alone and experiment with radiation on members of the UK government instead? Perhaps their behavioural patterns would change enough to make them consider the welfare of the general public instead of simply making sure their own pockets are well lined.

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right, so they get to spend the rest of their lives in a hospital

"it's ok we're not going to kill them, ahem, they might need to spend the remainder of their short lives in hospital though"

am, i the only one who see's a moral issue with this?

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Silver badge
Joke

Monkeys do not go ook

Orang-utans do.

Now, apologize very slowly... The Librarian hasn't twisted your head off. Yet.

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Coat

Mutant money monkeys

"it's reintroducing the neglected trade of doing strange and unusual things to moneys for science."

That's not a neglected trade, the Fed's doing it all the time for fun and profit (though definitely not for science), generating inflation (nothing to do with cosmic inflation, sadly).

"NASA said the monkeys will not be killed and will retire to McLean Hospital in Boston where veterinarians and staff will oversee the animals for the remainder of their lives."

The word "lifetime guarantee" come to mind.

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Bronze badge

Ook????

A certain librarian will take exception to this being associated with monkeys.

Apeists.

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Happy

@ratfox:

There is nothing to stop a Monkey going "ook" although they prefer to go "eak". (I'm so happy I'm spending my Saturday productively! ;)

/Disclaimer: I usually hate grammar Fascists, but grammar Monkeys is funny. :)

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Linux

@raving angry loony

"Obviously, the closer we get to man, the better"

I think the monkeys are probably closer to human than your typical reality show contestant :)

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@AlanB - wrong species

Remember, they're trying to get as close to "human" as possible. The monkeys are much more human that the typical UK politician I've heard from or about lately. UK politicians are already encased in complete information-proof shells. Hell, they'll probably survive the next atomic war along with the cockroaches, just through sheer power of denial.

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Offensive

Given that manned space exploration is now largely a frivolous exercise, irradiating monkeys offends me.

What's the point anyway? Are they looking to save money on shielding? Surely safe radiation levels for humans are well understood already?

Or maybe I'm just feeling guilty for eating half a cow for lunch. Mmmm, rib roast.

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Anonymous Coward

Why not bankers?

Or close at any rate. Most people like monkeys; cute, furry endearing etc. Most people don't like bankers or city financial types in general;noisy, greedy, prone to irrational and dangerous behaviour. So why not simply irradiate the financial districts of major cities? There are many advantages, including:

- The animal rights shower won't firebomb your children - they may even cheer you on

- Financiers are slightly closer to human physiology than monkeys, albeit slightly less intelligent

- The public might well lobby Obama for more intense research and thus funding

- NASA's work will be seen as more relevant to ordinary former home owners

- You piss on al-Qaida's bonfire by getting your irradiating financial districts in first

- Protesters on City demos can use Geiger counters to pick the right people to hurl abuse at

- You won't need to pay for a cuddly fluffy retirement, their share portfolios will pay for it

- Their ability to breed will presumably be severely curtailed

- You'll be able to check the effects of radiation on the ability to justify stupidity, which may or may not actually be useful, but should be fun and get you a few extra column inches in the press

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Joke

@Alan B

You asked:

"Why don't they ... leave the poor innocent monkeys alone and experiment with radiation on members of the UK government instead?"

Did you actually read the article? Did you not see:

"Obviously, the closer we get to man, the better," said Eleanor Blakely, a biophysicist at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory to Discovery.

The UK government is therefore disqualified from this experiment.

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Boffin

Has PETA heard of this?

Maybe they could capture the PETA terrists and irradiate them.

Mind you, six-arsed monkeys would be cool.

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Anonymous Coward

Why redo what Russians have done already?

"This gap sadly left Russia with a decades-long lead on the USA in the field of simian rocket science."

Sadly? Hello? What millennium is this way of thinking from? Isn't the cold war long over? Why redo what Russians have done already? Be glad they've done all this already so NASA does not need to re-do it again! Better spend resources on something not done already!

There are space programs outside US, you know. And more 95% of world's population do live outside US.

Until all space-able countries like USA, Russia, India, Japan, China & EU & others start really sharing knowledge & cooperating, manned Mars missions and beyond are "In a galaxy far, far away"...

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leave the monkeys alone

lets send NASA some chavs/kevs/spods/barrys instead?

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Boffin

@John Latham

Actually, safe radiation levels aren't all that well understood. Generally we take what we know about unsafe radiation levels and extrapolate downwards, assuming "Linear no-threshold" response. There's some debate on whether that's a good model.

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Paris Hilton

Regular irradiation?

Why not just study some of our British tanning booth regulars? A cursory scientific scan will reveal worrying lack of intelligence, reduced number of brain cells, inability to partake in logic tests, etc...

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@AC 10:46

Not to mention phenomena such as radiation hormesis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radiation_hormesis

Shouldn't use monkeys. I propose that they use reincident criminals and/or politicians. They are worthless, consume resources and contribute nothing to society.

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Irradiated Monkeys...

... It's one way of keeping them fresh for long trips, e.g. to Mars...

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Flame

@Alan B Posted Saturday 31st October 2009 12:18 GMT

(sarcasm)

I could support NASA using some members of the LAST (US) administration as test subjects for these experiments.

(/sarcasm)

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