Dear European Commission,
Sorry our unelected political leader is unavailable for comment (as usual). Also his unelected political lap dog is too busy burying golden bones he keeps being given by his rich friends in business and the rest of the political elite are out cold it seems after a heavy lunch. I would just like to say our glorious leaders (who watch over us) need Phorm as we are all such stupid peasants who cannot get through the day without them telling us what to do and how to think and what to buy. They also need to earn their money poor things and they tell us its all for us, which is nice they care about us so much.
We are however sorry they haven't got back to you yet, but as you are finding out, you it seems are having the same problem we are all having in trying to get them to listen to us all. Rest assured I am however sure they continue to spy on all of you. After all you like us can say things they do not like. Sadly our political elite all refuse to listen to anyone who they think is talking nasty to them, because nasty to them is asking them to do things and clean their room and stuff. So they simply refuse to do anything to help anyone who asks and even then the few things they do bother to do, (which they tell us is all for us), we end up finding out was actually helping them get ever richer with better jobs and play at being important people.
We would very much like to help you with an election, but our political elite have decided they prefer to (for the time being) run the country like their own personal Totalitarian state. But anyway an election wouldn't make much difference as almost all UK politicians are only interested in their own greed and power to give them ever more personal gain. Therefore if you could arrange for their immediate arrest we would be most grateful. I fear however the only way they will listen to even you, the European Commission no less, will be when you can arrange to finish Guy Fawkes work. Still that would be a 5th of November to remember. Please hurry as there's still time before the 5th.
In the mean time I am sorry to say they will probably still sit back and laugh at all of us knowing we cannot remove or stop them. I would like to say we will have the last laugh once we throw them all out of power at the next election, but sadly we all know they will go straight into extremely well paid jobs and become even richer after their years of trainee work experience playing at running a country and setting themselves up ready for their new jobs.
Anyway, I would like to say thanks in advance for any help you can be and we look forward to the fireworks.
p.s. for the love of all things sane, don't whatever you do, fall for electing Tony Blair or the whole of Europe will be pulled down into this nightmare mess we are currently in.
@Our_Political_Elite: Sorry master, I know Phorm have now told you about me saying this and I will at once lay prostrate in the dirt so you can ride your horse drawn cart over me, rather than get dirt on its wheels for my crime of asking, please sir, can I have some democracy, freedom or liberty. I realize that democracy loving Domestic Extremists are everywhere and I will endeavor to do thy bidding in hunting down and burning these evil witches with their evil words of freedom and liberty who attempt to defy your glorious need for more wealth and power over us wretched souls who you fear so much. I fully understand and accept that you need Phorm to spy on us all, as we are such a stupid peasant class who cannot get through the day without you telling us what to do and how to think and what to buy.