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back to article Hypnotist expands breasts, cures irritable bowels

A stage hypnotist from Yorkshire burst into the Sunday papers this weekend after it emerged that Britain's ladies are using his self-hypnosis CDs to increase their breast size by as much as two cups. David Knight came onto the papers' radar when the BBC issued a press release ahead of a documentary it claims "shows how easy it …

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Pint

The pictures are selfexplanatory

It is not just bra sizes enlarged here... It is an overall dress size moving from "nice looking young lady" into the realm of "M&S I am not average, I am normal".

Self-hypnosis to eat more is not something particularly unheard off... In fact if the guy was advertising them as an anti-anorexia treatment it would have been spot on.

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Anonymous Coward

No shit, Sherlock

She's been working out a lot and her bust size has increased and waist size decreased.

Great testimonial!

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Rectal problems

"Hallo Doctor. I bought this self-hypnosis CD thinking it'd cure my IBS. And now I feel like a stupid bleeding arsehole..."

FWIW, self-hypnosis *does* work on changing your state of mind - I've used it myself to help me deal with stage fright. And for getting you to exercise more, or eat more/less, sure. But curing IBS? Sorry, can't see it.

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But can he predict the lottery numbers?

Or stick everyone in the country to their chairs?

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WTF?

@AC

I get the dress size bit, but how the fsck does working out make your bust size increase?

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Thumb Down

This is yet more proof that some humans are incredibly stupid

Unfortunately this is just more proof that there are far too many people that buy into the bullshit that these modern day snakeoil salesmen flog off. People would rather believe mystical mumbo-jumbo rather than doing a rigorous study of independently verifiable, uip to date infomation.

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FAIL

Er...

"Every lady's breasts today have been grown by the mind. The mind grows it, so the mind can enhance it. Fact."

No, you're confusing 'fact' with 'scientifically dubious opinion' there.

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Thumb Up

Larger breats -no thanks

But I'll take a penis enlargement, if you're offering

(checks 'post anonymously' box ticked)

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Silver badge

Just got to write...

... to say that although I was sceptical at first, your hypnosis definitely affected my ability to be taken in by bullshit and I happily shelled out £40 of my hard earned for your flimsy flim-flam. I would never dreamed of doing so before I was brought on stage as part of act.

Thanks Knight Stage Hypnotist!

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Joke

still i think this should be tested

I will get a copy for the wife will report back in 2 weeks :D

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I'm a skeptic

It just goes to prove that some people look for the easy way out instead of doing the hard work.

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Paris Hilton

"It works!" say brainwashed users

So these women are either hypnotised into having larger breasts, or into thinking they have larger breasts. Which of these is more plausible?

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Coat

Look into my eyes, not around the eyes look into my eyes

Everyone knows its not the breast size that's important, its the cup size.

Mine is the grubby raincoat with the rolled-up copy of <insert name of top-shelf top-bollock based periodical here> in the pocket, ta.

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Gold badge
Coat

Well, before long..

.. this business will have gone tits up.

"Dear Mr Hypnotist. I have tried your method, but I have only gained on one side. Should I have told you that I'm slightly deaf in one ear?"

Mine's the one with the MP3 player..

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Paris Hilton

@How the Hell...

Nothing to do with Hypnosis directly (other than if you use it to motivate yourself), but working out *can* increase a womans bust size by building up the pectoral muscles which both lifts the breasts higher and displaces them outwards. Don't think you can make big changes that way, but it can be noticeable.

Paris - I'm sure there's a reason.

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Martial Arts

Can place Martial Artists "in the perfect zone to complete your task and beat any competitor"

What if the competitor is also using the CDs? Would this be a case of the irresistible force and the immovable object*? Would both competitors remain locked in eternal combat? Would Chuck Norris just roundhouse them out of existence?

Incidentally, I strongly suspect the woman quoted as having larger breasts after "just three weeks" had probably just started her period. Had she measured over a reasonable period of time she'd most likely discover they get larger every month around the same time and then return to normal again.

* Yes, I know the two can never co-exist. Crawl back under your rocks people.

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Maybe my client is using this?

They've grown a right tit recently.

(drumroll)

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Please??

Could he hypnotise Lloyd Grossman and cure his irritable vowel syndrome?

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Linux

"... the BBC issued a press release ..."

"... the BBC issued a press release ..."

I'd have thought the BBC had enough tits of its own. Jonathan Ross for one springs to mind.

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IR

Rectal bleeding

Maybe they should lay off the Chipotle

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Flame

"Even irritable bowel syndrome will succumb"

ODFO. Aside from the fact ibs is essentially a label for a bunch of symptoms a patient may have that doctor's haven't got a pidgin hole for yet, explain to me how this guy is allowed to prey on peoples insecurities without a slap on the wrist or being properly challenged on his claims, instead being given free advertisement via the bbc!?

Just don't let our government see his ad, no doubt they will force the NHS to cut funding into actual medicines and procedures to investigate ibs problem, and use the money to buy a billion of his CD's instead.

I'm getting a bowel movement now just thinking about it :(

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Anonymous Coward

@IR

Or they need to use ChipotleAway.

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Happy

re: Rectal Bleeding

I've got Chipotl-away so I don't have to worry about the rectal bleeding.

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WTF?

How bad can it get!

I had to write this after checking Mr Knight's website....."The British Academy of Hypnosis has recently studied" and wo and behold a search for the The British Academy of Hypnosis website shows its contact details as Knight Management.

Circle of life I suppose......now where was I ...ah ....breasts :)

K

:)

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Chipotle

Nah.. they just need to get some Chipoltaway!

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Flame

It Is Absolute

Bollocks (or should I say codswallop) to claim that IBS can be cured by self hypnosis. A gastroenterology consultant told me that IBS is the name used for a load of gut related symptoms of which medics aren't sure what the causes are. I've had it for 10 years now and the only way I've found to keep it under control is really simple. No self hypnosis, no CDs, no gurus, no meditation, no pan pipe music, no gong bonging with sticks made from bamboo and llama hair, no spending obscene amounts of money on magical sounding and bloody difficult to pronounce cures.

All I have to do is just lay off the things that don't set it off. Nothing to do with stress. Just keep off the Parmesan cheese, Pot Noodle (filthy stuff), anything with chilli or hot spices (no vindaloo for this Cod) and anything with certain processed ingredients.

Recently I discovered that sushi can have devastating after effects too.

It's not rocket science or a magical cure-all, just common sense. If something makes my guts produce something as evil and corrosive as Alien blood and as hot as liquid magma, don't eat it again.

Flame for obvious reasons.

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Happy

Any chance....

.... of a Playmobil construction?

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Actually...

...hynosis can settle IBS. It was shown on a BBC documentary about alternative medicine asking what works and what doesn't. A doctor at one of our university hospital practices it and it has been proven to be useful for some patients.

Of course he is a full qualified hynotist unlike the one in this article.

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Research volunteer, anyone?

Definitely needs some "hands-on" research here - the enlargement bit I mean. Bugger the bowels!

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Law
Happy

el-reg IBS help group

@ The Metal Cod

My list of trigger foods are bolognese or generally just any rich sauces, cheeses, yogurts, spicy foods, and some processed filth like pot noodles. Fatty meats too. Unlike you, my body loves sushi - providing I steer clear of the dragon spice!! ;)

Think the key thing here is figure out what causes you as an individual problems with your stomach and manage when you have those foods, or avoid them altogether. That's usually what the consultants instruct you to do anyway these days, post gastroscopy, sigmoidoscopy and endoscopy ofcourse! :(

@ Dick Emery

Key words there - "some patients".... my ibs was triggered by stress once that I can remember, during final year exams at uni - but I know that no matter how happy/relaxed I am, a footlong meatball subway with cheese and bacon is guaranteed to knock me on my arse for a day minimum. Like I'm sure you already know, not everybody has the same "ibs".

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Silver badge

Of course it works fine

Stuff a CD into each bra cup and you'll get instantly larger breasts. Even more if you leave it in the packaging.

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Paris Hilton

Mindover Matter

If you can control something with your mind then your own body would be a good starting point.

I have personal experience of enlarging a womans breasts. Not mine, a girl friends Obviously working out in the gym would help, so does eating the right foods. Also very important is stimulating them both with the mind and physically. You can increase blood flow to part of the body by giving it some attention.

It's hard to accomplish something if you don't believe it's possible. Or put it the otherway round, people who accomplish increadible feats held the believe and determination that they could. Obviously they proved after the event that the thing was possible.

So to enlarge breasts you need three things;

1. That it's actually possible

2. That you believe it's possible

3. You take the actions that will make it happen.

If number 1 is a given then hypnosis provides numbers 2 and 3.

I am sure there are some Hypnotist exams the chap should take, but then how many of us computer nerds here have actually bothered to get acredited? Would we be happy to be forced to have a Microsoft test before we are allowed to work?

Paris because she looks very receptive to suggestion.

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Checked their website at home

Since the site was NSFW, I checked it at home.

Yes indeedy, the woman's breasts *are* bigger. But so is her waistline, and so are her arms, and so's everywhere else. In other words, she's eaten more calories than she's worked off, so she's put on weight.

If the reason you've got no breasts is because you're anorexic, then sure, maybe this would help. But for the average woman whose brain is functioning normally, it ain't happening - or if it does happen, it's as a side effect of damaging your health. Nice.

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Anonymous Coward

Ha Ha

My partner has great breasts, and I already have a big cock.

Not really anything to do with hypnosis (apart from not needing it), just thought you should know.

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Boffin

Goggles

I too can make a woman's breasts look bigger. All you have to do is send me approximately 8 pints of cider (or the equivalent amount of cash), give me a bit of time, and hey presto, they look bigger! The woman in question will also look more attractive, as an added bonus!

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Hmmm...

> his CDs can put martial artists "in the perfect zone to complete your task and beat any competitor

What about a competitor who also listens to his CDs?

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Jobs Horns

Rectal player

I do not think I want to use a CD to fix my IBS. I mean, I cannot get it up there never mind the laser player.

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I tried a hynpotist once.....

.....to help me give up smoking. He would record the sessions so that I could take the tape home and spend an hour or 2 listening to them.

The day he told me it didn't matter if I fell asleep listening to them as it would "still work" is the day I realised that he was no more worthy of scientific credibility than those "learn french while you sleep" load of bollocks that were popular a few years ago.

It's all a load of total crap.

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Coat

@Stratman

That's the best comment I've read in ages!

Yes, It's got Daniel Jones in the pocket.

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