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back to article Facebookers condemned to Hell Lite

As Facebook tests a new slimmed-down version of its site with users in the US and India, many are complaining they have no way of getting back to the original beefy version. Mark Zuckerberg and company rolled out their Facebook Lite beta in mid-September, testing a version of the social-networking time-sink designed specifically …

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Grenade

worst thing to have happened on the internet ever

Actually that would be Facebook itself.

Or maybe Twatter.

Or some other Web 2.0 bollocks.

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Coat

haha

"Facebook lite officially sucks," writes on user. "It is the worst thing to have happened on the internet ever."

I think he actually means that F*c*book is the worst thing to happen to the internet, not just this "lite" version...

Haven't used it for many years. have no intention to ever use it again.

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Coat

Am I the only one...

"plz ya do somthn abt ds shit facebook lite!!!" writes one user. "its been two dayz dat m nt able to use my account!!! ask dese facebook ppl to help us out!!! its becoz of some of their employyes we r stuck into ds situation….. plzzzz help us out!!!"

Am I the only one who couldn't be less inclined to help the perpetrator of the foul attack on the English language shown above?

Far from wanting to pass the message of their plight on to the relevant people, I think I may dedicate my life to hunting them down and burning them slowly.*

Mine's the one with the GPS and the flamethrower in the pocket and "Death Walks Among You, Grammar Rapists" on the back.

*Please Note: If they turn-up burned and dead, it wasn't me. Honest......

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FarceFace lite

Who'd a thunk it?

All I can do is point and laugh at all the numpties (on either version)

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Anonymous Coward

"the worst thing to have happened on the internet ever"

was WebTV, of which Facefuck is but the unfortunate offspring.

Now, if you young 'uns would pass me my pipe and slippers, I'll tell you all about the Meow Wars...

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Happy

two dayz

OMG imagine 2 days wid out being abl 2 acx facebook. I can't imagine how "one user"s social skills must have suffered for that

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Flame

@AC

You are NOT alone!! I'll carry the extra propane tank for your flame thrower

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Flame

Let Failbook burn!

Please let this kill that awful site once and for all. It butchers the English language and calls sitting in front of a computer 'socialising'. It's an oxymoron by virtue of its own existence! That heathen must perish!!

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Pint

You are definitely not the only one.....

No problem with those that have learnt English as a second or third language making a bit of a mess of it. What's the betting the perp of that languange massacre is without hope in any language ?

Even the 419ers I string along have a better command of the Queens English.

As for "worse thing eva"...... assuming I undertand them correctly, I'd hate to think what they might make of something actually of any import at all ever happening in their wee teenage lives.....

Beer oh clock soon, but as I drink only the best real ale I am in no danger of meeting textspeak mental midgets, or indeed of having to taser their arse at the bar.

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Boffin

@ AC 1222H

"You are NOT alone!! I'll carry the extra propane tank for your flame thrower"

The very best military flamethrowers wouldn't use propane but something liquid such as napalm. I'd prefer it if you used one of those on these plebs instead ta!

;)

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Pint

@AC 11:53 & Poloio 12:22

I'll bring marshmallows.

"plz ya do somthn abt ds shit facebook lite!!!" writes one user. "its been two dayz dat m nt able to use my account!!! ask dese facebook ppl to help us out!!! its becoz of some of their employyes we r stuck into ds situation….. plzzzz help us out!!!"

The mind reels. Mine, clearly. "One user" doesn't appear to have one worth mentioning.

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forced into a mindless world of wankiness

Farcebook?

Yep, that's the site you join when your Mom, Dad, Brother or best mate sends you a link to content on thier facebook account.

Once you go through the tedious process of signing up, you realise they could've just emailed you that damn photograph and saved you the bother.

You tool around with the site for a bit, finally realising that it represents all that is foul online.

Horrible marketing ploys mascarade as really badly written quiz "games"

Fake links abound, which spin you off into Javascript hell.

Your entire computer starts to stumble of the sheer weight of shit code, the rubbish animations, the childish "look at me, I've got 50000 mates" and you vow never to return...

... then someone you know sends you another bloody farcebook link and you descend once again into the nightmare that is farcebook.

Worse still, some geeky spotty faced linux-loving nerdy twerp who can't grow a proper beard lumps twitter in the same bucket as farcebook on The Register and you really feel like repeatedly smacking them upside the head with a clue stick... ( if you can't leverage something like twitter for your own uses and thereby grok how useful it is, your a total fucking moron)

... but there's help coming, we hope, from the Chocolate Factory, it remains to be seen whether we can wave the evil that is farcebook goodbye and watch it sink into the same quagmire of shit that Geocities did all those years ago...

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Bronze badge

"...worst thing to have happened on the Internet, EVER"?

Huh. Doesn't get around much, does he?

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Anonymous Coward

"the worst thing to have happened on the internet ever"

...was html email as every fule kno.

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Weird..

As a Limey, I probably shouldn't be using the Lite (sic*) site... but I do, and it has a few wee quirks, but it's a damn, damn, damn sight better than the Mafia War/Pillow fight/Farmville/SideBar infested nightmare of a main site, and I've got no problems flicking back and forth between the two - yep, just checked, and it's still fine. PEBCAK?

*Light. One extra character. Is it too much to ask?

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Badgers

Re: Am I the only one...

When I read that, my immediate reaction was that there's probably a perfectly simple way to revert to the full-fat version and that the real problem is that some* faceberk lusers are too mind-numbingly thick to work it out....

*Your mileage may vary.

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FAIL

Painful....

Any time I read the verbal diarrhea some people come out with today my brain physically hurts. I've tried Facebore once in the past and the amount of stupid and annoying invites for applications made me run away. I recently signed up again only to see the same and I only have three friends on there! Twatter isn't quite so bad and there are quite a few worthy Twats out there to follow.

To the topic at hand! Facebore or Facebore Lite? Oh the dilema of being stuck in a Lite version of such tripe. As for burning them I fear that's just a waste of good napalm.

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Anonymous Coward

OH NOES!

No applications!? Now how will people steal my identity?

Where do I sign up for this "lite" version? I only have FaceBook to see the stuff other people post about me (and I'm not bigging myself up here - it doesn't happen often) Nowadays I don't check the site at all until I get an email notification that something has happened, and even then it's usually something worth ignoring.

Either way I've promised myself not to upload any more of my personal data to their site, it is after all just a market research/data mining operation in disguise. I'm secretly hoping that they will fail, but we all know data mining companies never fail... the owners might pass through some revolving doors a couple of times but that's all.

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Grenade

Memo to the morons

Oh Jeez...you guys crack me up already with your wit:

Farcebook

faceberk

Failbook

Facefuck

F*c*book

Not sure who are the bigger morons, the English language murderer quoted in the article, or the twats who seem to think that they're being original and funny with the dreary and done to death alt-monikers for FaceBook.

Bozo bits flipped in both cases.

If you don't like FaceBook then don't fucking use it and quit yer whining.

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If you don't like Facebook...

Try "FriendFace" - it's the new social scene for todays IT crowd.

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Badgers

Pass the LART please!

Is it possible that someone who can't bring themselves to type in something even remotely resembling English (what the hell is their first language anyway, Double Gibberish? ZOMGWTFBBQ?!??!!!!11!one!) perhaps also can't grasp whatever simple steps are needed to step back and forth between lite and regular interfaces? Buddy, if you're in Lite-Hell it's because you deserve it for crimes against communication!

It's also entirely possible that Facebook's interface is such a screwed-up, cluttered, burning disaster even with advertisements blocked that the stupid option is too hard to find. A case of "it's easy if you know where to find it", something that Facebook suffers badly from.

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Linux

@matt89

If we don't agree with you, we have to accept your thrillingly original assesment that "your a total fucking moron", eh?

Always delightful to see such masterful self-pwning, tweetscum.

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Flame

All you snobbish geeks

Will all you stupid morons stop looking for grammatical errors and language problems and look at the real problem?? I use facebook and I have the exact same problem. whatever the f***ing hell I do, I get redirected to Lite. Is that so hard to understand for all you idiots even after reading the article???

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jof

@ AC 15:53

As anyone who's been around for more than five seconds knows, looking for typos, "grammatical errors and language problems" is what the Internet is for.

And porn, obviously.

Anyway, I'm sure we all entirely understand your problem, but, being in no position to do anything about it, find merciless piss-taking of those for whom this somehow represents the most traumatic event in their lives ever a satisfactory pastime.

@ Anonymous Hero: if you don't like El Reg comments, then don't fucking read them and quit your whining. Touché.

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Linux

Link at the bottom of the page?

I've used FB Lite & prefer it. Can't access it right now (blocked at work), but I remembered seeing a 'Use full version of Facebook' link all the way down at the bottom of the page?

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Bronze badge

who needs lite?

The mobile version http://m.facebook.com works fine with javascript disabled.

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FAIL

@AC 15:53

Believe me, we can see the problem just fine. You may want to step back a bit, the mouth-breathing is obscuring the mirror. Can you see it now?

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Anonymous Coward

@All you snobbish geeks

The truth is it isn't a problem at all...

...not for anyone who knows to use just the one question mark anyway :-)

Besides, we're too moronic to help. Better work it out for yourself.

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Coat

As a snobbish geek . . .

I refuse to:

* Visit any Web site that implements content other than HTML 1.0

* Use any email client later than 'mail'

* Use any Web browser other than lynx

* Surf for any porn in which pubic hair has been at all trimmed or shaven

Ooh, wait, strike that last one.

Why yes, I am a Linux geek, how did you know?

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Headmaster

@AC 15:53

We can see the "problem", it is pretty clear in the article. It is just that we couldn't care less about it and it is funnier to laugh at the morons that feel they will die if they can't get their fix of Web2.0 dope than trying to understand that stupid gibberish...

After all, who the hell thinks that being unable to use facebook is a real PROBLEM?

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Silver badge

How to get back to the Full of it version of Facepoo

Tell your browser to get rid of your history, cookies and passwords. Ask your system manager to clear out the proxy server.

Collect your belongings and go outside.

Nice innit!

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Making fun of FlickBook? Us?

No.

We're making fun of YOU, the users of FailFace!!

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Wow

When I first read the article, my initial reaction was to let the illiterate shite rot in his own vile spew and not even bother to explain that communication can be so much more than holding down 'shift' and beating the keyboard with your elbows.

Having read the comments however, it seems that some people really do feel that accessability and choice of a website's version is a real issue. I am almost persuaded to have a look just to see what it's all about. Im almost genuinely fascinated by the importance some people attach to facebook.

Are they all recovering addicts and this is their methadone? I have an addictive personality and dont want to become hooked.

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Coffee/keyboard

Social (Outcasts') Networking

"communication can be so much more than holding down 'shift' and beating the keyboard with your elbows"

-- genius! You owe me a new keyboard....

As for facebook** itself, it is useful to two exactly two groups of people:

1) those who have such mundane real lives that being given a virtual goldfish to put on your virtual mantelpiece is the highlight of their week.

2) people who haven't understood the concept of e-mail, or photo-sharing sites.

Everyone else who has the misfortune to feel a need to join up did so because someone that knows them falls into one of the above categories.

** I really dislike the necessary lack of capitalisation, but that's one of its more minor crimes against humanity.

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Troll

Ray Bradbury predicted all this years ago!

TYME SEFARI INC.

SEFARIS TU ANY YEER EN THE PAST.

YU NAIM THE ANIMALL.

WEE TAEK YU THAIR.

YU SHOOT ITT.

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